Della Street Dreaming

Hopefully, I'm Not Turning into Miss Havisham

2012-02-07T20:11:00.000+11:00

Poor Me.
Last wednesday just before I was about to begin my almost first lesson of the year, in my excitement I slipped on two dainty little steps at the entrance to my classroom, twisted my foot & landed into the arms of a poor unsuspecting student who managed to save me from a v. serious accident.
I was immediately placed on a chair & attended to by caring members of the Sporting Department who have all had Long Histories With Nasty Injuries & are World Experts on Bandaging & Iceing (not cakes but Body Parts)
Of course, it was only a few minutes before other Concerned Members of Staff suddenly appeared to Gawk at my Foot. I think that they were Slightly Disappointed because although it was starting to Swell, there was nothing particularly Ghoulish to see. No blood, no disembodied body parts. And I wasn't even crying.
I went to the doctor. He must have x-ray eyes because he just looked at the foot which by now had been expertly bandaged & said that since there were now Strict Rules about Not Radiating the Population I didn't need an x-ray.
I had the rest of the day off, but desperate for attention, I limped back to school the next day.
Note, a return to All Black in the Classroom with a thrifted lace'Wayne Cooper' slightly A line dress in the first photo, above. I just couldn't be bothered wearing anything bright & summery. And anyway, it was raining. What's new?

The other Nasty Side Effect of having a Sprained Foot is that I am condemned to wearing Ballet Flats. Sadly, there is nothing Slightly Slutty about Ballet Flats even if they are genuine YSLs, which the ones above are. Perhaps on Kate Moss.
Note my outfit, above. I'm wearing one of my Thrift Shop Finds from Palm Springs - the Michael Kors Jacket made from what appears to be Magic Linen - in spite of my Strict Regimen of No Ironing, there's still no sign of creasing.

As the weekend approached, I still managed to hobble about & meet all my Social Engagements. Here I am standing outside a local bar/restaurant that was too repellent to go into because it was absolutely chockablock full of Young Women in Enormously High Heels having Hen's Nites.
Instead, my friends & me went to a new Mexican Restaurant, Barrio Chino in Kings Cross where we ferociously gobbled up dainty Soft Shell Crab Soft Tacos & later Ice Cream Burritos.

I'm wearing perhaps a rather Strange Combination of many layers -
1. thrifted early nineties 'Jaegar jacket with huge Shoulder Pads that I unceremoniously ripped out before I wore it;
2. a little spotted tunic dress that I actually bought new at 'Cotton On';
3. a thrifted 'David Lawrence blouse that I sadly spilt Soft Shell Crab all down the front & now I will have to throw out because not only can I not iron, but I can't remove Stains;
4. loads of Toy Jewels - Toy Enamel & Sapphire Bracelets from 'Forever 21, Pasadena, a Toy Gold necklace that says 'Hope' & a Toy Gold Choker that my friend Marge bought in Prague twenty three years ago & kindly passed on to me.

As I type & watch TV on mute at the same time, I'm reminded of some of my Favourite Things:
1. Emily Dickinson's 'Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul....'
2. Jo Malone's Basil & Verbena Living Cologne. If you think that wearing Basil Perfume would make you smell like a Big Bowl of Pesto Pasta, think again. It is totally the Smell of Heaven.
Sadly, I don't own my own bottle. I've just tested it.
3. Charles Dickens. It's some Big Birthday of his. Maybe his 200th or something. I just love all the Nasty & Sad & Lovely Characters like Mr Bumble the Beadle, Uriah Heep, Lady Dedlock & of course, Miss Haversham who I sincerely hope I'm not turning into.
4. Queen Elizabeth II who just celebrated her 60th anniversary in an unspeakable hat that looked a little like a felt Chamber Pot. But what Devotion to Duty!
5. Home Made Ice cream made by AJ using my daughter Maeflower's Ice Cream Maker.
5. Julie Andrews singing 'My Favourite Things' to those try-hard Von Trapp Kids in The Sound of Music. Who can forget, 'raindrops on roses & whiskers on kittens, white copper kettles & warm woolen mittens'?

Remember Abundance?

2012-01-26T19:53:00.000+11:00

This is the second time I have written this blog entry.
A few days ago I wrote what I thought was The Best Blog I Ever Blogged & when I clicked, 'Publish Post', the pictures stayed, but the text disappeared.
I was crushed & didn't know if I could write another one.
But, after watching almost half of a revolting reality show called 'Millionaire Matchmaker' featuring the 58 year old surgically altered owner of 'The Chippendales' (not chipmunks, but Dancing Male Strippers), I'm giving it another shot, hoping against hope that I haven't missed the moment which I probably have because I arrived back in Sydney yesterday morning & I'm about to go back to school tomorrow which was rather a nasty shock because I thought it wasn't until next Monday.
How's that for a Long Sentence? I just couldn't decide where to put the full stop.
So, let the Travelogue begin.
As some of you may remember, I'm always watching for Helpful Signs, particularly as I tootle along the freeways sitting in the beautifully warmed passenger seat of Marge's Hybrid. The sign above, on the road to Pasadena, really summed up my whole holiday.

My least favourite Beach Boys (or is it, Jan & Dean) song has always been 'The Little Ol' Lady from Pasadena'. I wonder if any of you remember it? It's awful.
Marge is nothing like the subject of that song as she poses outside The Norton Simon Museum in Pasadena.
She looks like Real First Lady Material in her new aubergine leather driving gloves she freshly purchased from 'Banana Republic', a shop that I failed to purchase anything in spite of a up to 70% off sale on Certain Items.
Jackie Kennedy, during her time as First Lady loved to appear in white gloves which always created the impression that she may have been Germ Phobic.
Luckily, Marge isn't.

I'm certainly not afraid of catching germs from that rather Dark Looking Gentleman created by Rodin, who regally stands in the entrance to the Museum.
If there was ever a competition for people wearing the Most Layers, I would have won it in the above outfit:
Layer1: Black Bonds Singlet.
Layer 2: Silk Animal Print Carla Zampatti blouse that once belonged to Marge's 97 year old Mother, Aileen, who sadly died last year;
Layer 3: (actually, technically it's Layer 2, but I couldn't be bothered changing it) Black Wool Old As the Hills Trent Nathan dress;
Layer 4: Cream linen 'Ralph Lauren' jacket thrifted last week at the Jewish Women's League in Santa Monica'
Layer 5: a long black scarf.
I felt so weighed down, it was an effort to move.

Marge is examining our almost favourite painting that we saw - some house that Cezanne might have lived in, or summered in.
I only know two things about Cezanne: 1. Woody Allen lists Cezanne's Apples as one of his favourite things in his film, 'Manhattan;
2. Cezanne chucked out most of his paintings. Thank God he didn't chuck the one above out. It's so adorable, I was fantasising about living in it.

When I visit Art Galleries, I'm always fascinated with the other patrons are doing. Sitting/lying in front of a little gaggle of Impressionist Masters is a fantastic place to declare your Everlasting Love to somebody, don't you think?

No trip to Pasadena is complete without a visit to their Monster H&M & Forever 21.
In fact, we shamelessly spent more time in both of those shops than we did inside the Norton Simon Museum.
I bought a great big green Toy Tusk & a bejeweled & enameled turtle pendant & some bracelets that I'm aching to wear & will probably wear to school tomorrow to remind me of my trip.

If you were ever wondering if you should wear Heart Shaped Sunglasses, look below at Marge in them & you'll immediately know the answer.
Absolutely Not.
NO one above the age of two & a half ever looks any good in them.
Good, I'm glad we've cleared that one up for once & for all.

Next, we move on to a Candy Store in Palm Springs, where we spent two nites (not in the Candy Store, but in the oldest continually running accommodation in Palm Springs - Casa Cody, originally owned & operated by Harriet Cody, the niece of Buffalo Bill, an associate of Tough Girl Annie Oakley, who I really wanted to be like when I was a kid.
Small World.
You can see Marge peering over the trays of Assorted Chocolate while I wait outside, not daring to enter in case Temptation Struck.

And here I am below waiting for a v. large Margarita to arrive at an outdoor restaurant in Palm Springs. It was freezing cold, which is absolutely no excuse for wearing a Polar Fleece scarf in Lavender.

In my defence, I must say that it isn't mine (it's inexplicably Marge's).

Oh, maybe the offensive Polar Fleece scarf was actually Baby Blue & not lavender as you can see under the v. bright lights in a shoe store that sold these Sequinned Ugg Boots.

The next day, we consulted Marge's new iPad for the best Thrift Shops.
First up was Angel View, a huge Charity Conglomerate that supports Crippled Children.

It took us quite some time to adjust our eyes to the light in the shop as we were almost blinded by the colourful clothes, none of which tempted us.
I, of course, was on a Relentless Search for Navy.

It turned out that the Darker Items were hiding up the back of the shop. You can see us both, relentlessly surveying the scene as if we were in Darkest Africa in search of Wild Animals.

Marge was bedazzled by a Shiny Golden Ski Parka with a Made in Japan sign on it. We both smiled when we remembered our childhoods when 'Made in Japan' was a guarantee that you were buying junk.
My, how things change. Or something.

In my desperation, I finally picked up an oversize Louis Feraud jacket but you'll be relieved to know that I wisely put it back on the shelf not long after the photo was taken.

Surprisingly, I ended up making a couple of purchases from Angel View -1. an old rotting huge Starfish which I didn't bother to declare when I went through customs yesterday. I felt quite The Renegade.
2. A linen Michael Kors jacket again in linen. I've always eschewed linen because it looks a little too much like what all the other Middleaged English Teachers wear & also because of its crushability which is always a consideration for me as I lack Proper Ironing Facilities.

Next stop on the Thrifting Trail was Revivals, a charity of the Desert Aids Project, entirely staffed by Creative Volunteers who create store displays worthy of Barneys New York.
I felt quite at home with the Porcelain Wild Animal Store Dummies.
Note I am wearing Green Pants, freshly bought from H&M, Pasadena. But they look like leggings. But they're not.

At Revivals, Marge bought a whole gaggle of earrings, mostly clip ons. I am beginning to prefer Clip Ons which I hope is Not a Sign that I'm gradually turning into My Grandmother.

Finally, look below at my little cache of Palm Springs Thrift Purchases:
1. A Ralph Lauren striped turtleneck, $10. I wore it out to dinner last nite at a v. hot restaurant in Sydney & my neck sweated to death.
2. Giant Starfish, $3.
3.Two Pairs of Fabulous Ferragamos for $8 for two. I don't care if they're a little Dignified, I'm still wearing them.
4. One pair of red & white Bruno Magli shoes, $35, which I thought was a little steep.
5. A Michael Kors Jacket, $20.
6. A cushion that says, 'Men, coffee & chocolate, the richer the better', $2. What a steal.

When I was walking out of the Customs Hall yesterday at the airport, I couldn't help but notice a big sign right at the exit that said 'G'day, Welcome Home'. Surprisingly, I found myself getting all teary as I lugged all my bags out the door & down the ramp & into the Taxi Rank.
I had the Best Time, though.
Thank you LAX, Thousand Oaks, Westlake Village, Santa Monica, Malibu, Sycamore Cove, Hidden Hills, Pasadena, Montecito & of course Palm Springs.

The Thrifters

2012-01-19T05:59:00.002+11:00

OK, I'm in LA.
There's no way that I could fake the following photos that were taken last saturday afternoon on an excursion to The Jewish Woman's League Thrift Store in Santa Monica.
The tone of today's blog entry is light, breezy & informative, with a kind of Travelogue feel to it. You can fill in all the angst yourselves. I'm far too busy for all that stuff as I am about to leave for a nite or two in Palm Springs.
Anyway, I tootled along the Pacific Coast Highway sitting in the beautifully warmed passenger seat of Marge's Hybrid. In the back sat Letitia, Marge's lovely daughter-in-law. I had been given the name of the thrift store from a friend in Australia & Marge was able to easily locate it on her newly-acquired iPad.
As we sped along the PCH, I frantically photographed the scene outside.
Volleyballers.

We sped up a ramp & I quickly managed to photograph people on the beach. It was a bit chilly & the light was surreal.
I love the remnants of Sam Spade or maybe, Philip Marlowe about Santa Monica.
And the brief fragment of Marion Davies on the beach. And maybe Gidget. And possibly Mildred Pearce.

We then took a left up Wilshire.

We drove until we found a park right outside the Jewish Woman's League Thrift Shop. I had been told that this place was The Holy Grail of Thrift Stores. And just like Dr Frankenfurter, I was trembling with 'Anti-ci-pat---ion' or Whatever.

Here's Marge & Letitia outside the shop. In fact, this photo is taken slightly out of sequence as we were leaving with all our purchases. But I wanted to give you an idea of what it looked like.

But here's a genuine photo of what we were like when we first arrived. I'm wearing a v. skimpy dress I found in the closet of the room I'm staying in that I've peared with a striped top freshly bought from the Salvation Army Depot the previous day.
(FYI, I intentionally spelled peared that way. I thought it was adorable)
The royal blue footless tights were from 'Forever 21.( BTW, what a silly name that is. Imagine what a nightmare it would be to be Twenty One Forever?)

Once inside, we immediately began trawling the immaculately colour-coded & catagorised racks of clothes. Of course I had to suffer the Inevitable Letdown & Subsequent Ennui which always arises when the place isn't bursting with Vintage Lanvins.
Instead I found what could possibly be a Vintage Versace & tried it on. Perfect for Apres Wrestling.

Marge always looks splendid in a hat.

Wisely, I put the Versace back on its hanger & headed to the Jacket Section, gravitating to a linen Ralph Lauren Jacket with no price tag on it. I immediately wanted to race over the to sales clerk & ask the price but Marge cautioned me, suggesting that if I was too eager, they might bump it up. I complied, & made a sensible plan to hold on to the jacket until I was ready to purchase & then casually dump it on the counter with the rest of the stuff.

Meanwhile, I was waylaid by the Lure of Celebrity.
This jacket had a 'Bob Mackie' label on it. I felt sure that Ol' Bob was an iconic American designer who designed many of Liza Minelli's stage outfits. But this wasn't a great example of his work. Nor am I a great example of channelling a tortured celebrity.
Oh, but maybe I am.

Sadly Marge tried on a number of jackets but none hit the spot. I was getting slightly put out by this because a Thrifting Outing isn't really complete without everyone in the party finding something, particularly if one person finds something good & keeps going on & on about it.
Luckily, at the Eleventh Hour, Marge picked up a pair of Calvin Klein Bootlets with a rather large heel. She tried them on & they looked fab, but she was worried about:
1. The Comfort Factor, like all us Old Ducks have to waddle around in Hush Puppies or it's Not Safe ;
2. The heel made her look even taller.
I completely hosed all this down, giving the example of my Style Icon, Jenna Lyons from J.Crew (not that I would ever buy anything from there) who is over six feet tall & only wears sky high stilettos. Admittedly, she is probably about twenty years younger than us, but who notices?

This was me after I walked out of the shop. I also bought another jacket, this time with a Gap label. I was thrilled.
FYI, the cost of the Ralph Lauren & the Gap was one was the same - ten bucks.
I love that kind of egalitarianism.

After we finished, we got back into the car & headed to a popular local cafe, Literati.
Marge had cheesecake & I had a bagel which I loaded up with cream cheese. When I sneered at the cheesecake, Marge said that my choice would probably have as many calories as hers. Who would Know?
Well, actually everyone in California now knows how many calories their selection at any restaurant has because there is a sign next to each piece of food on sale showing the calories. Marge thinks this is an initiative of Michelle Obama's.
So, I was totally shocked at the sign next to a v. innocent looking foccacia at Starbucks that proclaimed it had 670 calories. I may as well eat a packet of Tim Tams (or perhaps Oreos, if you are not Australian).

On the drive back to Thousand Oaks, I photographed many signs that spoke to me in their own sweet way.
Off to Palm Springs.

Where Am I?

2012-01-14T08:34:00.000+11:00

Remember when I said that I'm in America?
Well, here's some photos that MAY or May Not prove that I'm actually there.
Or here.
I Might be pretending.
You decide.

One of my favourite pastimes when in Los Angeles is to take photos inside a car whilst it's moving.
It's the natural thing to do.
Here's a couple of Instagrams that I may have taken on my iPhone just after I finally got out of LAX.
You may wonder who John Carter is & why his name is featuring on a v. large billboard.
It may be Tarzan's Real Name.

This next photo, below may have been taken on Thousand Oaks Boulevard whilst in Marge's car. We both loved the Stigmaterised Burning Hands joined in Prayer.

It seems that every time I go away I leave some Important Electronic Device at home. This time it was the turn of my Nikon Camera Charger to be left behind. You'd think that it would be easy to get another one. Of course not.
1. I went to 'Best Buy'. They sold me the Wrong One.
2. Thousand Oaks Mall no longer has a camera store.
3. Finally, the friendly staff at Hooper's Cameras were able to order one in for me. That's me, below trying my best to fit in with the rest of the other tripods in the store.
Note I'm wearing a Comme de Garcons for Adidas sporty top & a hankerchief hem skirt that is perhaps a little too reminiscent of Stevie Nicks. But still do love 'Gold Dust Woman' & even 'Landslide'.
BTW, I wonder if you can call a item a 'Designer Label' if its like the one above. Or Missoni for Target which I'm so sour I wasn't here for. Or Versace for H&M which I'm even more sour about. In fact, I'm soo desperate to get my hands on a V for H&M that I'm going to plead with Marge to drive me to the nearest H&M which May be in Pasadena. Maybe they'll have some left.

Even though the Huge Mall didn't have a camera store, it did have Anthropologie. We don't have this store in Australia, but there is nothing in the next two photos to indicate that I'm not simply visiting any boutique in Sydney. Unless, of course you've just been to Anthro & seen the display of letters, below.

I wonder if the Universe is trying to tell me something?

I'm carrying a little shopping bag that I bought at 'Forever 21, along with the cheapest colourful footless tights I've ever bought that are coming up in the next photo or so.

Yesterday, we MAY have gone to the v. large Salvation Army Depot at Newbury Park to stock up on supplies. If this place was in Australia it would be called The Salvos Depot.
I'm sure it's been years since anyone's called it by it's full name. Even The Salvos themselves.
Marge found a v. large poncho that we had a fine time playing with.
Note I'm wearing the v. colourful F21 footless tights. It's my little concession to colour.

Lastly, Marge urge me to try on a v. tailored jacket clearly custom made for a Small Child. I resisted the urge to purchase it, but did make some quite good other purchases that will fit in nicely with the Patrician Section of my wardrobe that heavily features Navy, Toy Gold & Pearls.
I bought:
1. A v. convincing Toy Gold fob watch chain that Marge spent quite some time closely examining in case the Salvation Army People hadn't realised that it was Real Gold.
2. Pearl & Gold clip on earrings
3. A blue & white striped shirt.
Total price: $21.90
Luckily, I bought my Navy Toy Chanel scarf with me. I'm all set.

Well, do you think that I'm in America?

Top Ten Middleagedteacher Outfits of the Year

2012-01-13T07:59:00.000+11:00

Hello & Welcome to Me in America which is pretty much the same deal as Me in Australia.
In case you're wondering, I'm in Thousand Oaks, California in the home of my great friend Marge & her family. It's currently 18 degrees Celsius & it seems that I've brought the wrong clothes with me. But that's a whole other story.
For now, let's focus on the Clothes that I Wore Last Year. In fact, I've gathered together My Top Ten Outfits of 2011.

Outfit #1 Above: The Most Unflattering Outfit of the Year.

I was soo thrilled when I spied this Lisa Ho suit at my favourite op shop, 'BednobsEtc'. In fact, I clapped my hands together in glee at my cleverness at discovering it hiding in the 'Designer Rack'. But even as I was paying the money, doubt began to creep in. Perhaps it was Donated For a Reason. Maybe those Big Baggy Pockets that sit just above the waist of the jacket aren't particularly slimming. Ditto for the bunched up pleating at the front of the skirt. And the button treatment was uncomfortably reminiscent of a Drum Majorette.
My doubts were confirmed when Di, the Barista at Zinc Cafe started singing 'Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Heart's Club Band' as she was making my latte.

Outfits #2 &3: The Smug Triumph of Owning Two Diane Von Furstenberg Silk Wrap Dresses.
Again, I bought them both from the 'Designer Rack' at 'BednobsEtc but not at the same time. The fabric on the top one MAY be a little faded in parts, but that just Might be my Imagination as it is often v. difficult for me to believe my luck sometimes.

Outfit #4: The Plainest Outfit of the Year.
Sadly, I wore Black to Death last year even though the Fashion World spent almost the entire year heralding the Impending Invasion of Colour in everyone's wardrobes. Upon reflection, though, I'm not so sure that people are wearing colourful clothes any more than they usually do.
Do notice the Two Eiffels I'm wearing on a long chain.
Perhaps I should make another catagory: Best Accessory: The Eiffel Tower.
Oh, & I must mention the black patent Ferragamos that I'm wearing with Black Sockettes which slightly dampens the effect I think.

Outfit #5: The Most Eagerly Anticipated But Most Disappointing Outfit of the Year: A Marc Jacobs Dress.
I almost had a heart attack when I discovered it at 'BednobsEtc. Finally, finally, a Real Marc Jacobs Dress Without Any Visible Stains. And, it fits! And it's All Mine.
The following evening I wore it to The Year 10 Harbour Cruise. It was kind of a pity that I wasn't going to something a bit more Age Appropriate like The Opera (Sadly, I have a v. narrow window of enjoyment with Opera. In fact, it's not really a window, more like a Crack.
But it's an Adult Thing to Do. Children don't clamour to go to the Opera. Have you ever met a kid desperate to see 'Lucia di Lammermour or perhaps The Marriage of Figaro?
No)
Anyway, it didn't take me long to realise that the dress was Every Shade of Wrong. In fact, we hadn't even boarded the cruise ship when it hit me for the following three reasons:
1. Shocking easily creased fabric (even though I got the dry cleaner to iron it just before I put it on. I rarely iron)
2. Unfortunate sleeves that made my arms look weirdly like they'd been carelessly glued on.
3. A shade of white reminiscent of Nurse Ratchett in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.
No wonder whoever it was donated it to 'BednobsEtc. She should have Binned It instead.

Outfit #6: The Most Worn Outfit of the Year: a Patricia Field Dress.
Yes, Patricia Field, the SATC designer. I think my thinking on this one was that if I wore it often enough a bit of Carrie Bradshaw might rub off on me, which, when you come to think of it is a bit scary.
Anyway, it didn't.
And there's nothing like wearing a floaty dress with ruffles at the hemline to create the Illusion of Sashaying.
Famous Sashayers Whose Style At Least Consciously, I Don't Emulate:
Dolly Parton
Bette Midler
Mae West
Miss Peggy Lee.
(But maybe the last two just stood there & only looked as if they'd sashay if they bothered walking)

Outfit #7: The Outfit Worn When I Looked the Most Shocked/Traumatised: a grey MaxMara Weekend shirt with big bow at front, striped Hong Kong tailored jacket & black Armani skirt.
What else can I say except that I often look like this. Why wouldn't I? Why wouldn't any of us?

Outfit #8: The Most Whatever Happens in Vegas Stays in Vegas Outfit: V. short dress made from some Unspeakable but Uncrushable Fibre worn with a Target Jacket & one of my student's Grandmother's Chanel Shoes that sadly I didn't fit into properly.

Outfit #9: The Most Prestigious Designer Brands Worn at Once Outfit: a vintage Lanvin dress worn under a Valentino felt jacket. Luckily, the words, 'Lanvin' are thoughtfully printed at discreet intervals on the fabric of the dress so that acute observers will note its provenance. The pussy bow hides the fact that the buttons pop at the front.
A small price to pay.

Outfit #10: The Outfit That Most Resembled a Circus Costume: a Carla Zampatti striped silk skirt worn with a Pink blouse. My friend & Style Guru Marge advised that next time I could wear this shirt with a plain black skirt.
Perhaps I will.
Back to Being in America.

As Much as Possible, Happy New Year.

2012-01-05T14:12:00.000+11:00

I do hope that I've not left it too late to wish you, O Reader, a Happy New Year (as far as possible).
Some moments ago I realised that it was already January 4 & I still hadn't posted my photos of Sydney's magnificent Fireworks display on NYE. It kind of loses the moment if I don't bother posting them until early February.
I am going to gallop through the photos because I'm desperate to get down to 'BednobsEtc', my favourite shop in the whole world. It's been shut since Xmas Eve & only opened today. Who knows what will be there besides a whole load of rotting clothes that once belonged to a Drag Queen? Just like Dr. Frankenfurter in The Rocky Horror Show, I can feel myself, 'trembling in Anti-ci-pay-tion'.
Enough of that for now.
Look above at the Sydney Skyline taken from the daggy rooftop of my building just before nightfall on NYE. Even though I was cooking up a storm for my guests at the time, I had been told about Mysterious Skywriting that had from out of the blue suddenly appeared & I had to get up there & photograph it. The first couple of words were intriguing.....'Trust. How?' My imaginative friend Marge thought that this could be a personal message from some poor hapless lover who had been betrayed. We waited in breathless anticipation for the rest of the sentence:
'How?..........Because I'm a fool in love'.
'How?........can I ever get over you?'
'How?.....could you be such a toad?'
All of these sentiments of course were totally applicable to my own situation , but as it turned out, not for the Skywriter. The next word that appeared was 'Christ.'

Private Sydney.
I stomped back to my apartment slightly disappointed, returning an hour or so later for the 9pm, Kiddie's Fireworks. To us Spoiled Seasoned Fireworks Audience, this offering seemed a little ho hum even though the whole Shebang was supposedly designed by Marc Newson who specialises in designing uber-cool aeroplane interiors. I wondered what kind of a cross-over designing reclining seats that turned into snug bedlets (ooo..did I just make up a word then, I wonder?) had with designing Firecrackers.
But perhaps I was just suffering from Fireworks Fatigue.
At any rate, I began to be much more interested in looking at the revellers in the apartment building down the road. They seemed to be having a much rowdier & an altogether better time than we were on my roof. But perhaps I was just suffering from the Perennial Grass is Always Greener Syndrome.

But the place really started to Hot Up with the Midnight Fireworks. By the time they were over, it was clear that if you designed Aeroplane Interiors you could also design Fireworks.
What a relief for us all.

Please indulge me for the next three or so photos. You see, I dragged out my Semi-New Nikon DX SLR camera & just kept clicking.

No, this isn't a photo of Armageddon.
It's the Sydney Harbour Bridge.

They just went on & on. And on.

Eventually they stopped.
Me & my guests went back down to my apartment & once again clinked my Villeroy & Boch glasses together & toasted the New Year. I breathed a sigh of relief when no glasses were chipped in the process.
I was busting to ask everyone if they had any New Year's Resolutions, but I knew that I'd be howled down, so I didn't. People hate that kind of talk. At least the ones that come to my place.

Among my guests, were the proprietors of my favourite local Potts Point cafe, Zinc. I am always v. nervous when they come to my place as they serve everything beautifully & all their food is fab. Every time they come (which I must admit is rare), I immediately transform into a combination of Basil Fawlty, Manuel, his bumbling waiter from Barcelona & Inspector Clouseau.
And you can kind of see what I mean in the photo above, where I'm inappropriately giving the finger to someone (not you). I often try & compensate for my nervousness by Showing Off, a behaviour that my Mother considered a War Crime.

The next nite, Maeflower , my daughter arrived with Russell. Once again, I got out the Villeroy & Boch & nervously watched while almost the same crowd as yesterday clicked them together once more.
Thankfully, there were No Glass Casualties.

M.Flower is a magnificent cook & thankfully took over the food preparation, making, amongst other dishes, a wonderful pear, walnut & blue cheese salad which I highly recommend.
I think green peas & rocket also featured, & clearly a lemon did as you can see it in the photo, above.
The last photo is of Mae's Godmothers, AJ & Marge from Thousand Oaks Ca. Marge was throwing her head back because she'd read somewhere that throwing one's head back whilst performing a Discreet Hair Flick at the same time makes you look younger in photos. I must must try it.
Perhaps that could be one of my New Year's Resolution.

Xmas Cards I May or May Not Have Sent

2011-12-30T13:46:00.000+11:00

As Far as Possible, Dear Reader, Holiday Greetings.
I hope you didn't feel too guilty about stuffing yourself with Seasonal Treats or too resentful if you didn't. I don't think I'm painting an overly rosy picture of my Internal World if I tell you that I seemed to avoid both of those feelings over the Holiday Season. It's just the rest of the year that I've got to work on.
Today's blog entry is aiming to be about Xmas/Holiday Cards that I May or May Not have sent. Of course I use the word 'aiming' because I'm always fighting a constant battle with The Blog Itself who, as regular readers know, has a Mind of It's Own.
Anyway, let's push on.
Look above at Card #1. I made this card for my Boss, The Head of English & I did actually give it to her. She totally loved it in a way that I've never seen her love anything else that I've done before (like mark 68 Year 12 Essays on King Lear over a weekend) You see, Head of E has been planning to own a cat for some time, so I thought I would find an appropriate picture of one & include some of my all time favourite Cat Names.
I thoughtshe'd love Kafka. Or perhaps Shazbot. But no, she liked Jack the Cat who didn't even feature on the card.

Xmas Card #2: I made this card for the the Deputy Headmistress who dresses v. stylishly from a wardrobe largely purchased from Netaporter. I do hope that she didn't think I was being Too Forward or perhaps Over-Familiar because I did actually give it to her.
I totally agree with with Uber Style Elf, Simon Doonan (Barney's Creative Director & author. Do look him up) who says that we should all wear our best outfits everyday & not leave them in the wardrobe to rot. That's what I try to do although sometimes it doesn't look like it.
I seem to remember that Iris Apfel that V. Elderly Style Guru who always looks to me like a Fabulously Dressed Preying Mantis but in a good way said something similar recently. I think it caused an outcry because she said that most people looked really dreadful & needed to make an effort. In fact, here's what she said on Huffpost, "Now when I walk down Fifth Avenue in the summertime I just want to throw up. It seems that the fatter and uglier people are, the fewer clothes they wear. "
I personally would not say such a thing but you can see that I'm not above quoting it.

Xmas Card #3: Here's a card that I was busting to send to that Special Someone but sadly didn't.

Drat. Sometimes I dislike Blogger Intensely. Try as I might, It won't let me type between the Chanel Card & the Le Tour Card. So I'm just going to have to press on regardless. I hope you'll stay with me & not give up.....
Not a Xmas Card #4: This is a cover of a book I discovered in the bookshop about Chanel. So it's not Officially a Xmas Card, although I could definitely turn it into one but it's a bit late now. Perhaps next year.
Anyway, I loved the cover because it uncannily looked like a Quilted Chanel Bag. And I just had to covertly photograph it using my favourite iPhone app, Hipstermatic. Luckily, the shop assistant didn't catch me & dress me down in front of everybody in the shop which would have included Paul Keating, our ex-Prime Minister who had just dropped in to check on the sales of his latest book.
Xmas Card #5: Reclaim La Tour. I gave this card to my daughter, Maeflower. Regular readers will know that I have a Special Affinity with the Eiffel Tower even though I haven't been to Paris since 1974. But I guess that half the world may feel a special affinity with it right now because its everywhere.
Haven't you noticed?
I don't honestly think that it is possible to go into a Gift Shop anywhere in the World & not find dainty little Eiffel Tower Earrings or Eiffel Toaster Racks or Decorative Eiffel Clothes Pegs.
Anyway, my special connection with Eiffel is that Maeflower bought a giant one for me from the top of the tower when she visited Paris on a School Excursion when she was in Year 10. She lugged it all over Europe & proudly presented it to me when she arrived home. Sadly, I no longer have it for reasons that are too painful to tell.
(I wonder if it is really La Tour & not Le Tour? I do hope its feminine & not masculine, but I guess a tower looks more like a Man than a Woman, doesn't it?)

Xmas Card #6: There's a Hundred Thousand Angels By Your Side. I made this card using an old German Xmas Card I had lying around. And I gave it to a v. religious person. And I got the title from a song they play during my Body Balance Class at the gym.
I do hope that there's loads of Angels at Your Side this Holiday Season & Always.

As Much as Possible, Happy Holidays

2011-12-22T09:26:00.000+11:00

Hello & Welcome to a V. Quick Holiday Show & Tell.
Here above is my Holiday Card to you. I hope you like it. I have unwittingly used Advent Colours as I must be unconsciously plugged into the Catholic Liturgical Calendar. All these years working at a Catholic School is finally paying off in Undreamed of Ways!
I'd totally love it if you found a way of passing this card on to your friends & loved ones. I'm sure you have many of those. At this time of the year people love to talk about how they hate Xmas & how everyone behaves weirdly & fights with everyone & then they moan about how commercial it is or how meaningless it is because they're not religious & it's too hot to eat turkey or they're allergic to shellfish & they've always hated plum pudding & anyway they're on a diet.
I personally Adore Plum Pudding. In fact, as I type, I have a homemade one stylishly wrapped in a smart designer tea towel sitting in the fridge made for me by my friend, The Ex-School Nurse. I will not be serving it at any of my Xmas Celebrations because I plan to eat the whole thing myself over a number of weeks.

Of course the School is now shut for the Holidays. And not a moment too soon. All year, I have valiantly attempted to behave like the Now Deceased Queen Mother (my Behavioural Role Model) at school which means sucking it up & waving & smiling at everyone when I really wanted to smack many many people across the face with a Wet Flounder. Sadly, the pressure of doing this day after day starts to build up.
Luckily, I had an Escape Valve, or whatever it is that allows you to let off steam & show your true emotions in a Safe Way. It was a simple Twelve Days of Xmas Staff Decorating Contest which I embraced with gusto. Because I rarely, if ever win anything (although I did win a $25 David Jones gift voucher at the Staff Xmas Luncheon) I didn't win the contest. I am not blaming this on the fact that a v. Elderly Nun judged it.
Nay..... who could ever compete with the Perpetually High-Fiving & Whooping Sporting Department who turned their staff room into Santa's Workshop complete with a log fire projected onto the wall from someone's computer?
I, of course, sensibly used my absolute Favourite Action Figure Dolls - Action Men who always look Festive whatever the occasion.

One thing I've never told you is that since childhood, I've always wanted to be able to do the splits. Sadly, even as an eight year old I couldn't. That was one of many disappointments that were to follow.
Like not being able to water ski the first & only time that I tried.
Or hula hoop.
Or sing like Dusty Springfield or Barbra Streisand. At least I have a nose a bit like her.

Here I am celebrating my new Holiday Decorations featuring Poitsettias, chilis, blue sparkly Xmas leaves & some Plastic bananas & grapes. Everything, just like me is, Holding Together by a Mere Thread.
But at least we're still standing.

And here's some of my Sunday Nite Regular Dinner Guests. Carlotta is taking the photo. We're all pretending to laugh. You'd never know.
AJ is channelling Emanuelle Alt (French Vogue) & I'm trying to brighten up my thrifted Wayne Cooper black lace dress with huge shocking pink earrings. Hunter & Tyler look their usual Uber Wonderful Selves.

I found an old Xmas Card sent to me by Jackie O lying around at home. I'm going to re-send it to Peter, from my favourite Potts Point cafe, Zinc as he so loves Jackie.

Lastly, I couldn't help but show you one of my Fairly New Pastimes - photographing pages from books in bookshops with my iPhone using the More Lomo app. I do love the thrill of capturing the picture whilst the sales assistant is not looking. This page is taken from a fab book which is in every book shop at the moment. It features Meaningful Quotes from The Wizard of Oz.
You could live your life according to that book & I'm sure many people do. There are probably thousands of Wizard of Oz Self-Help Groups dotted across the Globe in many strange & unlikely places. Like perhaps near Scott's Hut in Antartica.

The Curse of Man Made Fibres

2011-11-28T22:17:00.000+11:00

Memory Lapses or Am I Just Making Up My Life As I Go Along?
I've spent the last week trying to remember if this is the second or third Market Stall that The Ex-School Nurse & me have had this year. It certainly feels like the third.
Anyway, here we are at the beginning of the day. The car is packed full of our clothes & it's v. early in the morning. Note that we are both Unintentionally Thematically Dressed in shades of black & white except I've just realised that I'm also wearing shades of red. Ex-SN is wearing a beautiful silk dress she had made in Vietnam & a Mother of Pearl Dinosaur Designs necklace.
I'm wearing Top-to-Toe Synthetics which is one of the reasons that My Clothes aren't that attractive to Potential Buyers. But More about that later.
Atlas Ears
.I'm also wearing enormous black Chandelier Earrings I recently purchased for $5 at 'Lovisa' in Bondi Westfield. Even though it looks like my Lobes are carrying a Large Load, seriously, I didn't even realise I was wearing them except when I moved my head suddenly & they smacked me in the side of the face. Luckily, no bruising occurred.

The Ex-SN is uncannily lucky with parking spots so of course we got an all day parking spot almost directly outside the Rozelle Markets. Every time I am in the car with her, it's like The Parting of The Red Sea - a car spot always spontaneously opens up, only Moses or Charlton Heston isn't there to oversee the proceedings. Ex-SN does it all herself.
I digress.
Feeding Frenzy
As soon as we schlepped our wares to our designated spot in the Market Grounds, we were invaded by hoards of permanent stall holders, above, desperate to rifle through our bags, pluck out a few choice items, pay a v. modest price for them & them re-sell them at five times the price. You'd think that this would annoy us but it doesn't. We enjoy the attention & don't care a fig who buys our stuff.

This lovely lady is wearing a hand painted dress that a friend made for her. She's holding up one of my Man Made Fibre Tops in the hope that it might fit her as that shade of blue is her favourite colour. Sadly, even though I totally willed it to, it didn't fit her. I was crushed.

I spent large chunks of the day channelling my New Hero, Bill Cunningham & taking photos of people who I thought looked interesting. I just loved the Dusty Pink Sequinned dress worn above by that Beautiful Person.

And I loved the way this young woman (I dare not use the term, 'Lady' because the Advanced Style blogger got heavily chastised by another blog for calling his subjects, Ladies) is wearing her Chanel Bag......

....and and I also loved how this Young Woman, above (is it too limiting or discriminating to call her a Baby or perhaps, dare I say, a 'Toddler'?) is wearing her jewels. BTW, this is the only age group that can get away with wearing Crocs.

But my total favourite look of the whole day was worn by Liv, above who just took my breath away with her unusual combination of flowers & colours & jewels & big smile.

Here she is again, above, with her mother carrying An Important Message over her shoulder.

Another Mother & Daughter combination wearing complementary shades of green. Honestly, Joan & Christina Crawford couldn't have done it better.

I was v. impressed with people's Sun Hygiene. I have a difficulty in wearing hats as I'm convinced they make my Slightly Hooked Nose look more prominent. Perhaps I should carry a Stylish Parasol like the Fab One, above.

I gushed all over this Person. I loved the Red Camellia sandals & the hat. I wanted to rip the sandals off her feet & put them on my own. But I just took her photo instead.
BTW, have I told you that since I seriously started wearing Other People's Shoes in a range of sizes, that not only have I been bothered by Corns but also it appears that my feet have grown by at least a size? What a phenomenon, although I have been Reliably Informed that as we age our Noses, Ears & Feet grow.

Even though many people were brightly dressed to celebrate an Uncharacteristically Sunny Late Spring Day, I noticed Truckloads of Black, like this Person, above. I loved her Pared-Down Minimalist Look accessorized only with the Magnificent Plait. And I was tempted to spell 'Pared- down' as 'Peared-Down' but resisted the urge. Such Control in the face of Such Temptation.

I've saved the Best Dressed to last. This wonderfully clad Pomeranian, below who calmly sat on a table while her owner set up her Plant Stall, stole the show. No wonder the word Dog is God Spelled Backwards.
By about 3pm, the thunderstorm that had been predicted for lunchtime began with a large fanfare of falling leaves. We took this as our cue to pack up. Ex-SN had her usual Bumper Day. I was Less Successful owing to my Man Made Fibre Handicap. But you see, I must wear Synthetics because I lack the Necessary Ironing Skills.

Dyspeptic Comfort Zones

2011-11-18T11:43:00.000+11:00

Good Morning, although it probably isn't morning when you read this. But it is for me.
Writing in the morning is soo Out of My Comfort Zone as I usually write in a frenzy at nite while desperately trying to beat the clock before My Official Bedtime arrives.
And..... I'm not really sure if I do actually have a Comfort Zone at all...... but that's a whole other story.
As it's the morning, I am in the School Hall sitting amongst a large gaggle of senior students who are supposedly studying for an assessment task that they will complete later today.
A student just came up to me & asked me to tell her the meaning of 'Dyspeptic'. I obliged. She thanked me profusely & went back to her desk. It occurred to me that 'Dyspeptic' totally describes my mood today.
I now realise what is happening. Della wants me to write about Comfort Zones & Dyspepsia.
But I don't. Instead, I want to write about how I'm having yet another Clothing Market Stall with my friend The Ex-School Nurse on Sunday at Rozelle Markets & how I'm ruthlessly throwing out Semi-Cherished Items such as this Vintage Handbag, shown Above & Below.
There's Two Things that I want you to note about the pictures:
1. I have photographed them using the More Lomo app on my iPhone. This week I saw some photos using this app featured in an old issue of Yen Magazine that I retrieved out of my building's Recycling Bin.
I wonder what the correct name is for someone who almost falls in Head First into large Garbage Bins whilst desperately searching for discarded magazines? A Bin Diver, perhaps? Slightly lame.
Of course I just checked with The Oracle, Wikipedia. It's called Dumpster Diving. Whilst I do like the repetition of the 'D' sound, it's not really correct because I don't believe we use the term 'dumpster' where I come from. We call it a 'Skip'. God knows why. Anyway, I wasn't actually diving into a dumpster. It was one of those green garbage bins that go to just below my bustline & I'm not technically a dwarf. If the bin was a dress, it would be an Empire Line.
I must move on before I Drown in my own Detail.
1(a) I must say that I ever so slightly recommend the More Lomo app. I loved the effect that it created with these photos, particularly as I took them v. quickly without much thought. You'd never know.
BTW, don't bother reading all the comments that disgruntled users have posted about More Lomo. They're just having a whinge.
2. Look closely at the Gold Gucciesque clasp on the handbag. I can't tell you how much time I've spent gazing at Gucci Logos on Google Images. At this stage, I have abandoned any slight tinge of hope that the bag is a vintage Gucci.
Yes, I have Offically Let this One Go, although I don't want to be like that family who sold the lost Da Vinci painting for 45 pounds at Sotheby's in 1958 & now that it's had six years of v. detailed cleaning & restoration is authenticated as a genuine Leonardo. And priceless.

Me & Bill

2011-11-10T21:13:00.000+11:00

Hello & Welcome to Me & My Classroom Copying Bill Cunningham New York.
The above statement probably won't make much sense to you if you haven't at least heard of
Bill Cunningham New York, the documentary. Then again, much of what I say may not make much sense to you, but you may at least Skim Read it anyway. Of course it always makes Perfect Sense to Me which, after all is all that matters.
Spotting a Psychopath.
Ooooo..... I hope I'm not sounding too much like a Narcissist or perhaps, dare I say, a Psychopath.
Last nite, over a splendid Birthday Dinner at 'Zinc' for AJ, Lady Di, a local friend, told us a chilling story of her now Ex-boss, who behaved so much like a psychopath in the workplace that she was fired & escorted off the premises. While Lady D was describing The Psychopath's behaviour, I was mentally ticking off all the characteristics we had in common:
1. considered herself an artist/photographer;
2. Had strict rules for life like always rub blockout on your cleaveage & eat broccoli;
3. Fancied herself as a singer.
4. Reminded people of Bette Midler.
5. Had an office that was adorned with Photographic Portraits of herself, sometimes in multiples as if Andy Warhol himself had taken them.
Sadly, I share a number of those characteristics but I'm not going to tell you which ones, except to say that someone told me recently that Bette Midler would be far more suited to playing me in My Biopic than Meryl Streep.
Anyway, back to Bill Cunningham's Documentary. I totally loved it & I'm sure you would too.
In a Nutshell:
Bill is v. old. He lives in NYC.
As a young man, he made hats. And then he was drafted & was sent to Korea.
He has never had a romance.
He totally loves fashion but doesn't wear it himself. Instead, he wears a kind of French Smock which makes him look like an Aged Warehouseman.
He takes photos of people wearing interesting outfits mainly on the streets of NYC. They are published in his regular page in the NY Times.
He is not interested in celebrities which is such a Huge Relief because I'm not really interested in what they wear myself even though I slavishly watch 'Fashion Police every week.
I'm now realising that there is far too much more to say about Bill Cunningham so the whole Nutshell Thing is a disaster. Just go watch it yourself. You can download it off iTunes I think.
Of course, as soon as I got home, I feverishly began making my own version of Bill's Movie Poster. Perhaps this makes me a Narcissist.
Anyway, its dangerously close to my Official Bedtime & I must hop into a steaming bath liberally sprinkled with Epsom Salts which is my Panacea for Every Ache & Pain & God knows I've got a few because I went to Boot Camp this afternoon & skipped a little too rigorously. Oh, if only there was Epsom Salts for the Soul.........

There's Nothing Fascinating About Fascinators

2011-11-01T21:52:00.000+11:00

Apparently last nite was Halloween. I thought that it was last friday. Clearly, no one Tricked or Treated or even Grunted around my neck o'er the woods.
The photo, above taken by Maeflower, was the closest I came to Halloween if you don't count the five or so houses I drove past in my car sporting windows dripping with Enormous Fake Cobwebs that only a spider the size of a rottweiler could build.
In case you're wondering what the photo is of, I'll now tell you:
They're a Little Gaggle of Witches Fingers Cookies baked by M.Flower in honour of Halloween. I wonder what the correct Collective Noun is for them?
A Wand of Witches Fingers, perhaps? But maybe it's fairies who wield wands & not witches. I'm not sure.
A Cauldron of Witches Fingers? That's more like it.
Sadly, I didn't get to taste them, just to look at them via iPhone, so I can't tell you what they were made of. AJ, Maeflower's Godmother thought that they were broad beans filled with jam. What a Lame Guess. My money is on Marzipan with an almond as a fingernail.

OK, so we're done with Halloween.
Next up is the Melbourne Cup. That was today. I remembered this morning as I was trotting down the hill to school when I gazed in the window of 'Booty', the local shoe shop & I saw the Toy Horses. Of course, I immediately felt Inappropriately Dressed because I wasn't wearing a Fascinator or some hideous Floral & Feathered Headpiece which would accentuate my resemblance to a parrot.
But perhaps you're From Outta Town & are not familiar with The Melbourne Cup. Every time I go to LA I'm constantly asked by any number of sales assistants & waiters if I'm from 'Outta Town'. How do they guess?
Anyway, if you don't know, The Melbourne Cup is a boring Annual Horse Race that the whole of Australia supposedly stops for at 3pm on the first Tuesday of every November. I certainly don't stop for it. In fact, today at precisely 3pm I was ordering two takeaway lattes from 'Zinc'.
Even though it's in Melbourne, Sydney likes to pretend that they're part of The Melbourne Cup too. Women all wear Fascinators. Work places have Sweeps. And there's Big Boozy Lunches that go into the Nite.

This, above, is what I did today instead of attending a Big Boozy Lunch. It was much more fun. Note, I'm wearing a thrifted Real Diane Von Furstenberg silk wrap dress that sadly has a 'Made in China' tag on it, which Slightly Cheapens it for me. The big gold chain that could be mistaken for something a large Boxer Dog might wear came from a Toy Mark Jacobs handbag. The scarf is a Toy Hermes. But I'm Real.

Shamelessly Copying a Design Blog

2011-10-28T23:26:00.000+11:00

Bonjour & Welcome to My Friend, The Ex-School Nurses' Home.
Yes, this blog entry is my attempt to shamelessly copy what is known as a 'Sneak Peak' from one of my favourite blogs, Design Sponge.
I rarely, if ever mention Other Blogs. It's as if I'm Alone in my Own Special Section of the Bloggosphere, although I would prefer to call it The Bloggoverse. OMG, I just coined yet another term, although I can't actually remember what the other ones are.
Note to Self: From now on, You must, repeat, MUST keep Strict Records of any new terms You coin.
Bloggoverse sounds soo much more poetic than bloggosphere, don't you think? And of course, I'm The Abandoned Princess of The Bloggoverse, a Middleaged Rapunzel-like creature trapped in a doorless tower with hair that sadly isn't quite long enough to be used as a ladder for the Middleaged Handsome Prince to climb up & rescue her. So, she's stuck writing Blog Entries for ever.
Speaking of Towers, look above at the Gigantic Tower of Bangles cleverly made from an Old Leg of a Chair that Ex-SN has assembled.

This display adorns the Long Hallway of her home. And most of the adornments are by Dinosaur Designs, my Almost Favourite Jewellry Brand even though it doesn't quite go with the Toy Chanel Flight Attendant Look I've been sporting lately that I'm slightly frightened makes me look too much like Someone's Mother even though I am Someone's Mother. And proud of it. But I still think of myself an an Ingenue.
I digress. It's that Damn Blog Della. I tell you, it's always had a mind of it's own. Clearly, it wants to talk about My Adventures With Aging when I want to conduct a tour of Ex-SN's home.
But I win. Because I'm Real & Della isn't. Perhaps.
Back to Decorating. I just love that little coloured 30's dish on the side. It's those little touches that count.

A close up of all the Jewels. When I saw them silently glistening in all their Organic Flintstones Splendour, I wanted to quietly load them into my Toy Jimmy Choo Knapsack & take them home. But I resisted the urge knowing that if I did, our friendship would be over. And I need all the friends I can get.

I just loved the pair of vibrant Still Lives, above, painted by a young artist friend. Has it ever occurred to you what a strange coupling 'Still Lives' is? OMG, my head is suddenly swimming with Layers of Meaning! It's probably due to the fact that it's friday evening & I've been hard at it all day with 'Educating Rita' & Oxymorons & Hyperbole & Split Infinitives & I'm busting to get back to yet another rerun of a Poirot Mystery which I've got on 'Live Pause.'

I do love the little drinks tray with the blend of decanters, silver cocktail shaker & the 'Bombay Sapphire' gin right smack in the middle where it belongs. OMG, I totally long for a Gin & Tonic with ice & a slice of lime in it right now. But I'll resist the urge because: 1. It's dangerously close to my Official Bedtime.
                                                                 2. I've just rifled through my Drinks Trolley & I appear to be out
                                                                     of Gin & I'm certainly not going out in the street to buy a bottle
   at this hour particularly as I'm wearing my Toy Uggs.
3. I am a bit of a Wowser. I'll swill San Pellegrino instead.

I was thrilled to find this wonderful Chanel box, below, artfully placed next to a mirror in the bedroom.
You know, if I was ever to get a tattoo which I wouldn't even though a Tattoo Parlour is conveniently located four doors down from my apartment building, I'd get a 'Double C' Chanel logo the size of a twenty cent coin just above the inside of my wrist.
Today while I was trawling through Google Images looking for an authentic Gucci heart shaped crest to compare it to the one on the Toy Gucci Bag I picked up from 'BednobsEtc' on my way home from school, I saw a photo of a young man who had a Gucci pattern lightly tattooed across his entire face which made him look a little like a Human Chess Board. That's taking Luxury Branding to a whole new level.

I've saved the best picture till last, below. It's again another gaggle of 'Still Lives' that work beautifully together. Note the bottom left hand painting which also has some collage elements, is my favourite.
Talking of Favourites, I must leave you with a v. short list of my Favourite Things this week:
- Isaac Mizrahi, the fashion designer said that no one looks any good after Cosmetic Surgery. I'm not sure if he's right. After all, think of Joan Rivers. But it was reassuring to hear it anyway;
- My New Fascinating Woman of Style is Jenna Lyons, the head of J.Crew who is all over the style news this week because she left her husband for a woman. Big whoop. But at least all the coverage of it allowed me to peek at her style which I adore. I now want to wear many more sequins just like Jenna so I can effortlessly combine Nite & Day.
- today was International Teacher's Day. They put on a Big Fat Lunch for us in the Boarder's Dining Room. I ate five different types of dessert & almost an entire vat of cream. And then the President of the P&F got up & thanked us all for caring So Selflessly for their daughters.
- Saw The Devil Wears Prada again. I so loved Meryl Street as Miranda Priestly. Today, over The World Teacher's Day luncheon, I announced to my colleagues that Meryl is the actor most suited to playing Me in The Movie of My Life. Everyone rolled their eyes but didn't bother batting an eyelid when The Duchess suddenly announced that Susan Sarandon should play her in her movie.

Unknowingly Imbibing a Truth Serum

2011-10-17T22:27:00.001+11:00

Beyond the Self
OMG where to start? I've left it that little bit too long & am all Sixes & Sevens about what to say & how to say it.
I know, I'll start at Beyond the Self because that's what written on that Big Building behind Maeflower which happens to be the National Portrait Gallery in Canberra. Of course it doesn't look anything like a place where all the pictures of the Most Important People in Australia's History are housed. No, it looks like a Storage Facility. You know, one of those places with long corridors with little locked up windowless chambers on either side where people dump & then occasionally visit all their Obsolete Possessions like Clothes Dryers until they summon up the nerve to actually throw them out.
I know all about Storage Facilities. Mr. Ex-Middleaged (remember him?) loved them. It was a way for him to unconsciously dump all his Unwanted Emotions.
At one stage, we rented three large rooms in a Storage Facility which cost a staggering $500 a month.Think of all the botox I could have had for that amount.
But I digress. What on earth got into me, I wonder?
M.Flower & me didn't bother venturing into 'Beyond the Self' at the National Portrait Gallery for reasons that I'm sure are obvious. But, at the risk of asking yet another Rhetorical Question, what on earth could it mean? Is there anything beyond the self? Perhaps I should ask a Buddhist.

Here's Maeflower again Cooking in Canberra with Flour. There are many wonderful things you can make with Flour. The Humble Eggplant, for example can be magically transformed into The Exotic Eggplant Parmigiana simply by a liberal dousing of flour. And, of course other ingredients which I won't go into now.

I've just discovered that 'Woman of the Year' with Katherine Hepburn & Spencer Tracy is on. In fact I'm watching it at the moment on mute. But I'm being terribly distracted by Kate's outfits which are totally chic & tailored & kind of paired down which is a welcome relief from looking at recent concert photos of a rather beefy Christina Aguilera wearing No Neck & all Goldilocks on Fashion Police. But that's a whole other story.
That's the trouble. Lately I've been far too busy watching Million Dollar Decorators & Fashion Police & The Rachel Zoe Project, & Oh, & the wonderful new series of Doc Martin where he has an adorable little newborn baby, to be blogging. And then of course, there's SuperControlFreakintheKitchen, Donna Hay's, 'Fast Fresh & Simple' show which I totally recommend even if you're Not Australian.
What a a Deplorable Admission. I'm too busy watching TV to blog. And I seem to have no problem about Shamelessly Admitting it. Perhaps I need to not only consult a Buddhist but increase my visits to The Therapist from two to three times a week.
OH, but before I drown in a Steaming Pool of Self-Loathing, look at the photo of M.Flower walking along a concrete catwalk with blue water on either side.
She's walking inside a truly wonderful exhibit by American James Turrell. Oh, do click on the link that I soo laboriously organised for you to click on to. It will be totally worth it. I promise. This was the best sculpture I've ever seen in my Whole Life. It's at the National Gallery in Canberra & is one of his 'Skyscapes'. If you are American, I'm sure there's a Turrell Somewhere Near You. Perhaps in an old disused crater, or in the desert or in Seattle or in San Francisco. I'm sure Darla, you've seen that one.

Here's Mae gazing up at Something. The other people are more interested in what's in their camera which no doubt is what Mae is gazing at.

No visit to the Gallery is complete without Lunch at the cafe & then a visit to The Gift Shop. We both feel that it's a reward for doing The Hard Yards trawling through all the exhibits.
Note that I'm holding up an Unnaturally Large piece of beetroot which was far too large to fit into my mouth at once & since they didn't provide a knife, I had to nibble at it on the fork like I was a Hungry Mouse attacking a piece of cheese.

Back in Sydney, I visited The Old Haunts, namely BednobsEtc, my favourite op shop in the whole world. I have a favourite sculpture & a favourite Op shop. Oh, & a favourite food. Corn Chips.
In the photo, I'm trying on a pair of Totally Real Prada Strappy Shoes with Towering Inferno Heels that I later bought for twelve bucks. I'll alert you when I eventually summon up the courage to venture out of the house in them.

While we are gazing at my feet, I must show you a Fab Gift that my friend, The Ex-School Nurse gave me. Yes, Chanel Cammelia Flip Flops. Oooo, I'm in Heaven. Sadly, it's not really hot enough to wear them yet. In fact, as I type, I'm still wearing my Toy Ugg Boots even though they are starting to feel a Little Sticky.
Not sure about the Blue Toe Polish, though. Someone whose taste I almost trust saw them & muttered something about Pole Dancers, but perhaps I misheard them.

As well as receiving the Chanel Flipity Flops, Ex-SN also gave me a magificent Toy Chanel Bag in Real Leather which I haven't had off my arm since I got it. Early last week I took it to Lulu's for dinner where we lined it up next to her Real One. I wonder if you can pick the Real One?
I also received another gift this week from my friend, Maud Darkstar. I will show it next time. It combines my Favourite Le Tour Eiffel with My Favourite Obsession, cutting out. I wonder if you can guess what it is?

Lastly, here's me back at school posing like I've just won a Gold Medal at the Middleaged Olympics. I'm clutching my Real Hermes Scarf that I've oft mentioned I bought for 17 pounds in 1974 when I worked at 'Harrods' in London. It's never been Dry Cleaned. Why did I mention that? It's a bit like the watching TV admission. Perhaps I've unknowingly taken a truth serum.

The Euphoria You Can Only Get From The Promise of a New You

2011-10-03T10:10:00.000+11:00

Yes, that's right, I went to see Crazy Stupid Love with my great friend Trixie. Look above at the Commemorative Photo Tableau I especially made to celebrate my viewing using Copyright Protected Toy Story 3 Action Figures. Oh, Dear Reader, if only you knew how Copyright has Ruled My World in O so many ways over the past twenty years!
But I digress......
I would love to launch into a full scale review of the film but I'm not sure if you would like it. Besides, I'm in Canberra sitting in my daughter's apartment waiting for her to finish making me Eggplant Parmagiana. I'm starving & I wish she would hurry up. Plus she's got Music on which is kind of distracting me. So, I'll just make a couple of points about the film in a Stream of Consciousness style, using one Giant sentence. Here goes:
I loved the film because it used my Favourite Subject, love, to tell a story that was both simple & complex at the same time with a genuine plot twist towards the end that I didn't see coming & featuring a wonderful ensemble cast except for Julianne Moore who I have never forgiven since she made The Hours( & then of course there was the Inexplicably Unforgivable The Kids Are All Right which I'm sure was once a song by The Who).
Sadly, I am defeated. I could see no alternative but to insert that Full Stop after the brackets. I simply couldn't find a way to put the bit in about how I loved Steve Carell & think he's an inspired Romantic Lead for a Middleageteacher in spite of the fact that there appears to be a little too much space between his rather prominent nose & where his mouth starts in the sentence.
Oh, & Ryan Gosling, who has a Photoshopped-in-Real-Life body as well as a wonderful head. His character surely was partly based on Jerry Lewis's Mr Hydesque Buddy Love in the original version of The Nutty Professor. If you don't know what I'm talking about, click the link & see it for yourself. You won't be disappointed.
Sadly again, I first saw The Nutty Professor just at the time when I was mentally forming my idea of The Perfect Man. I can't tell you what horrors that led to.

Let's change the subject. Like many women, every time I want to Drastically Change My Mood, I go shopping. It works every time, but I can't exactly tell you What it changes my mood into. Perhaps the kind of Euphoria that you can only get from the promise of A New You. Or me. Or us.
Anyway, on the first Official Day of the School Holidays, Trixie & me went to the aptly named Supacenta. Why bother using all those silly unnecessary e's & r's when there's the promise of a New Supa You as soon as you get off the escalator?
We ostensibly went to look at Beds. But that didn't last long. NO, we were far too distracted by the Window Displays. Look, above. I couldn't help but quietly take this photo of the window of a large shop I swear was called 'Dare'. I'm not sure how many Shades of Wrong this tableau is - is it the colours, or the fact that the chair looks like it's been spray painted & spray painted chairs are never inviting because they look like you'd slide off them, or is it the juxtaposition of Two Jarring Icons - the Chrysler Building & Marilyn? Why not a banana & The Chrysler Building? Or is it simply because it looks like the interior of a Brothel in Disneyland? And let's face it, Brothel Chic is never going to take the place of Tuscan Farmhouse or Escape to Provence as a preferred decorating style.

But there was another shop that we liked. I can't tell you what it's called but it was a kind of Poor Man's Country Trader. Country Trader is a large Polished Concrete Emporium located in a previously Industrial suburb of Sydney that looks like the entire contents of a huge French Chateau have been unloaded into it. Prices start at $995.00 for a cement door stop in the shape of a frog.
Anyway, this shop in the Supacenta is a kind of Cheap Copy. Which is totally up my alley. Probably the most expensive thing in it cost the price of the frog door stop at Country Trader.
I took this covert photo on my iPhone of one of the pictures on the wall of a wonderful bedroom display featuring Marie-Antoinette. In fact, Poor Old M-A was all over the shop - on tapestry cushions, on large Toy Alabaster Busts, on bed linen & of course Toy Paintings & Engravings. I was entranced & immediately wanted to race home & throw out everything in my bedroom including all my old rotting dolls & fill it with her.
Of course you know that she didn't make that crack about the cakes after all. And she was a Real Trouper about being carted off to the Guillotine.So, perhaps not a bad person to have on your wall. Or pillow.

This blog post seems to be about Decorating. I certainly didn't plan it that way.
Look above at a Real Million Dollar Decorator. Her name is Mary McDonald & she features on my new favourite show, Million Dollar Decorators which follows the new season of The Rachel Zoe Project on the Lifestyle Channel. It's one of those Reality TV formulas that successfully combines Disgusting Over-Consumption with Toy Tantrums & Faux Drama. I love it.
Each week when I watch it (actually I've only seen it twice) I wonder what the decorators would do with my apartment. Probably throw out the rotting dolls. But then they'd do something unexpected like suspend a Vintage Rowing Boat from the ceiling of my bedroom, just above the bed so I could spend the nite imagining it crashing on me. And throw down a huge Real Zebra skin rug featuring the skin & the tufts of ten zebras so I could feel like I'm On Safari in Beverly Hills.
Can't wait for the next episode.

It seems that I'm done with decorating. Thank God.
Here's something much much closer to my Heart. Here I am with Maeflower this past Long Weekend just after we, along with Russell, her partner had shovelled in Enormous Quantities of Authentic Chinese Dumplings. No wonder we look a little flushed.
And the weather in Canberra seems to be blowing straight in from Antarctica even though it's supposed to be Spring.
Of course I'm dressed in my favourite Middleagedteacher Snow Matron outfit featuring many uncomfortable layers of synthetic fabric that did nothing to dispel the chill.

The Dreaded Rebound Effect

2011-09-29T00:18:00.001+10:00

Holiday Greetings.
On second thoughts, perhaps it's Slightly Smug & a little inappropriate to wish people a holiday greeting when it's unlikely that they're on holidays themselves. I bet you're not on holidays, are you?
I didn't think so.
So, I'll start all over again with a Greeting Guaranteed Not To Grate:
Hello, & Welcome to My Holiday.
That's better. But as you can see from the Opening Photo, I'm not. I still appear to have hayfever. Or whatever you have when your nose is blocked & itchy & you have to blow it all the time.
How hard is it to sleep with a Blocked Nose? Occasionally, I timidly squirt a little dainty spray of 'Sinex' up only one nostril & wait for it to clear. Rarely, if ever do I venture to spray Both Nostrils.
Why so fearful of Nasal Sprays, you may ask?
Because of the Dreaded Rebound Effect. I know we usually associate the word 'rebound' with rushing in with yet another Hugely Wrong Partner five minutes after you've just gotten rid of the last Hugely Wrong Partner. But it also applies to Nasal Sprays: if you spray too much of it up your nose, it actually causes you to block up just like if you stuffed a whole load of used boyfriends up your nose. That's gross but I kinda like it anyway.
Enough Toy Medical Facts & on with the usual Relentless Cavalcade of recent photos taken just before & during this holiday.

Here's me before the holiday. You may notice that I'm wearing shoes that don't match my Outfit.
So, what's new?

Actually, they're not my shoes. They're Real Chanels that belonged to one of my student's Grandmothers.
NO, it wasn't Show & Tell.
The shoes had somehow found their way into My Student's wardrobe. Let's call her Coco.
Desperate to fund an expensive Gown for the Upcoming School Formal & knowing my great love of All Things Chanel, Coco brought the shoes to class. I had already told her that I would buy them if they fitted.
Sadly, they didn't. If you look closely at the photo above, you can see the outline of a Bunyan on each shoe.
I'm a great wearer of Other People's Shoes. That's apparently the cause of my v. own foot affliction, Corns. But I refuse to step into Bunyan Territory. I've got to draw the line somewhere.
I must, must stop talking about Ailments. First, Nasal Drip, now Corns & Bunyans. It's like I'm being funded by a Pharmacy.
Oh, but Poor Coco. Had to schlepp Granny's shoes in to school & then didn't get the money to buy her Formal Dress after all.

Here's another photo of the same outfit. It's taking Slightly Slutty to a whole new level. Which wasn't my intention. And it sort of looks like I've just ended the lesson with a great big snort of coke. But I wasn't. It was just the Hayfever. Yet another Medical Reference. I wonder if I can keep it up till the end?

Here's someone above who has never been called 'Slightly Slutty. Queen Elizabeth . Trixie gave me this wonderful book of photos of her. I was thrilled. And of course I'm always trying to Channel a Queen. With varying results. I'm sure the Queen wouldn't ever wear a whole load of resin jewels from the recent 'Dinosaur Designs' warehouse sale like the ones I'm wearing.
I wonder what ailments she suffers from?

I'm shocked that it's Nearly Midnite. This is unprecedented. And I've got so much more to Show & Tell. Like I wanted to explain why a patchwork quilt is laid out in my classroom. And who I was wearing. And what the posters on the back wall were about. But I must must hop into bed.
That will teach me for not posting more often. I'm just going to to post again tomorrow after I go to the movies. I'm meeting Trixie at 9.30 tomorrow at the Multiplex. We don't know what's on. So, we're going to take Pot Luck. Talk about living on the wild side.

Nothing Like Tilda or Ryan or Ali

2011-09-17T23:05:00.000+10:00

Hello & Welcome to My New Hobby.
On second thoughts, it's not exactly That New.
I've been doing it off & on now for some time.
Can you guess what it is?
To make it easy for you, I'll give you a list, below. You need to pick TWO because I've just realised that I have Two Hobbies - a Not That New Hobby & a Brand New Hobby.
Beekeeping? Beer Making? Fruit Preserving? Quilting? Brisk Walking? Corn Removing? Scrapbooking?
I Can't think of any other Hobbies. Surely there must be some more?
Oh, Stamps. But I wonder if anyone does that anymore? In this age of Tweets & constant Status Updates, the Stamp seems a little passe. What a shame that I can't put a little accent over the 'e' & make it look like I'm really writing the word 'passe'. You know, like 'Passay'. I'll take any opportunity to show off my Franglais, .
Anyway, have you guessed yet?
That's right. The Not-So-New Hobby is Scrapbooking. Well, a form of Scrapbooking, like if a Scrapbook was a Blog Entry.
And the Brand-New Hobby is Corn Removal. Earlier this evening, I finally cracked & bought a packet of Medicated Corn Removers that Cushion as well as Kill (the corn, that is. I certainly hope that They won't kill me. Like, say the Special Corn Killing Agents ran amok in my blood stream & poisoned my whole body, not just the Rogue Corn? Quelle Horreur!)
But back to My Scrapbooking.
I'm practising (sp?) a Highly Specialised form of The Art. Here's how it works:
1. I relentlessly trawl the TV guide to see if any of my favourite movies are on. My favourites always feature actresses whose outfits & style I drool over. (e.g. Bette D in 'Now Voyager', the best makeover film of all time)
2. I squeal with delight when I find a fave. (Sooo hard to find one amongst all the Adam Sandler & Sandra Bullock films. Have you seen her in 'All About Steve', by any chance? Got to be one of the most insultingly annoying films of all time even though luscious Bradley Cooper is in it)
3. I watch the movie, pausing it (my cable TV package has this handy feature) to take photos of Iconic Moments in Iconic Outfits & Accessessories. Like Tilda Swinton, above & below, signing a cheque at the Dry Cleaners in 'I Am Love' with a rather out of shape Hermes Kelly (or is it a Birkin?) bag nonchalantly sitting on the counter.

I adore Tilda. She is a Study in Graceful Gravitas.
How does she manage to be an Anglo-Scots Woman who can trace her family back to the High Middle Ages & be in the same class as Princess Diana at school & plays a Russian who speaks fluent Italian in 'I Am Love'?
How does she manage to Effortlessly Cross Genders as she did in 'Orlando'? How does she manage an American accent as she did in 'Burn After Reading' & 'Michael Clayton'? And, most importantly, how the hell does she manage to have a husband & twin children who happily live down the road from her & her Other Partner, a New Zealand painter. Like Two Partners. At Once. And she's Not Cheating. Everyone's as cool as a cucumber.
I once had a New Zealand partner. But I didn't have a hubby who happily lived down the road as well.
I must, repeat Must, stop Comparing myself to Others. Particularly Glamorous film stars.
And I must, repeat Must, stop with the Rhetorical Questions. They're like a Runaway Train that no one can stop. If one of my students inserts even the smallest of Question Marks in an essay, I almost make a hole in the paper crossing it out with my heavy leaded pencil.

Anyway, I thoroughly recommend 'I Am Love'. It was totally mesmerizing & terribly sad.
As a rule, I don't like to watch Sad Films. I've had enough Sad to last the rest of my life. But it was a great pleasure to watch Tilda being Terribly Sad in a whole array of Hugely Chic outfits.
I must, repeat MUst start dressing like that.

And now we move on to 'Love Story'. It was on early this week.
Let me, just for a moment take you back to 1971 to when I first saw it at the movies.
It was the year after I left school. I was eighteen.
I swear to God that I remember that it was a rainy saturday nite. Maybe it was just raining in my heart. Anyway, it felt like it was raining.
I went into the city to see it with my long time school friend, Elizabeth. We were both longing for a boyfriend. At that stage I hadn't yet started going out with Bob, my first boyfriend, who I liked to call 'Blob' . Blob owned a white Panel Van which in those days was jokingly called a 'Shaggin Wagon'. My parents approved of him but were appalled by the Van. They always approved of anyone I didn't particularly like.

The problem with Blob was that he was nothing like Ryan O'Neal, which we all know now, in hindsight, is a blessing. But certainly NOt at the time.
I was desperate to meet someone called Oliver Barrett IV (Ryan's name in the film) who I would teasingly call 'Preppy' just like Ali McGraw did in the film. I would visit his hugely wealthy but dysfunctional family at their cold but impressive mansion & even though I was from the wrong side of the tracks, I would quickly win them over with my grace & charm & of course my Ali McGraw-style beauty.

I would work tirelessly in a variety of low-paying but worthy jobs to support Oliver through Harvard Law School.
That was one of Blob's great flaws. He didn't go to Harvard Law School. Instead, He ran the Kitchenware Department at Grace Bros, Roselands, a suburban department store. His family were from Norfolk Island & he was a direct descendent of John Adams who was part of the 'Mutiny on the Bounty', made famous by the Marlon Brando film.
Blob had a rather Swarthy Look. It was nothing like Ryan O'Neal's.
After about nine months, we broke up. I went on to marry someone who went to Sydney University Law School. It was the closest thing that I could get to Harvard.
Bob eventually went back to Norfolk Island where he drove a Tourist Bus. Perhaps he's driving it now.
Luckily, unlike Ali in the movie, I appear to be still alive. Here she is is below, bravely watching Oliver showily prance around Wolman Rink in New York's Central Park because She's too sick to skate.
Then they make that gut-wrenching walk in the snow to the hospital where she dies.
After watching 'Love Story' the other nite, I now blame everything on Oliver Barret IV & Ryan O'Neal.

Non-Drowsy Spring

2011-09-08T22:38:00.000+10:00

Hello & Welcome to Spring All Over Again If It's Fall Where You Are.
That probably doesn't make sense but neither would you if you looked & felt like me right now courtesy of Spring.
All week I've been trying to ignore Spring Symptoms which involve Massive Watering & Uncontrollable Itchiness from vital areas connected to my head: My Left Eye (it seems my Right Eye is above it all & has refused to join in); Both Nostrils & Both Ears. You can see the damage that Spring has done if you look closely at the Wan little figure below, taken today in front of a Plastic Container City situated in a Maths Classroom. You'd never see anything as tasteless as this in an English Classroom. No way.
Note I'm desperately clinging on to a clutch of Aloe Vera scented tissues & all my make up, particularly around my left eye has been eradicated by constant watering.
If you look below my Spring Infested Head you may just be able to spy a fab brooch of the Head of a Zebra that Darla sent me some time back. If only I had been well enough to enjoy it.

But I did enjoy assembling my Homage (pronounced 'Hom-marge') to Spring in the photo above.
Let me explain. If you've never been in my kitchen you won't know that I have a large statue of Our Lady Sans Hands sitting on a large green terrazzo bench. I usually decorate around it on a Seasonal Basis. Sadly, the Easter Homage which featured chocolate Easter Eggs & Pipe cleaner chickens rather overstayed its welcome. I only took it down this week & Easter's been over for months & months.
Anyway, The Spring Homage is a combination of Real & Fake Flowers, which is by far my favourite way of Decorating with Flowers. It kind of sums up Life really - both Real & Fake at the same time.
Because of course I'm practising (does that last word have a C in it rather than an S, I wonder) Abundance Through Frugality, I only bought one bunch of Tulips that were completely closed up at time of purchase & placed each stem in a glass jar that perhaps once contained Pasta Sauce or a Slew of Artichokes.
I then covered the bottom of the Homage with the flowers from a Fake Hawaiian Garland that I bought at my fave $2 shop & then artfully placed the contents of a packet of Plastic Butterflies around the flowers.
And Hey Presto, I've made something that Martha Stewart would be Green with Envy over! Only of course she now must be busily ordering her Large Army of Worker Bees to gouge out the innards of large pumpkins in preparation for her Halloween Decorating Special.

When I was leaving for School this Morning, Fotheringale, my building's Concierge who turns off the vacuum cleaner to deconstruct my outfit every morning, announced that I resembled Joseph & his Technicolour Dreamcoat in my Patricia Pepe of Firenze cut-out jacket. When I got to school, Sister Anne, the only Nun still standing, strongly disagreed with this description when I told her. Sadly, I didn't wait around long enough to hear her reasons.

Have I mentioned that I've been Uncharacteristically Baking Cakes & Puddings lately?
My daughter Maeflower told me yesterday by phone that she had never experienced this from me as long as she's known me. I think that she's relieved though because Baking Cakes in Middleage,if you haven't had a lifetime of doing it before, requires Reading Recipes & learning New skills, which of course has been clinically proven to stave off Dementia.
Clearly in my case it's working.
The picture above was taken in The Ancient Black & White Room at school yesterday. It was a girl in my tutor group's 16th birthday & I made her a chocolate cake because I wasn't confident that anyone else would bother bringing one in for her. Perhaps I'm Overfunctioning?
Anyway, I used a recipe that my Mother left behind inside an old cook book. It involved using cocoa which I think is Old Hat these days. I think Modern Recipes use melted chocolate.
I had great plans to write the girl's name on the cake with Smarties. I tried doing it & discovered that it was almost impossible. I couldn't form A Perfect C.
Maybe I should watch back to back episodes of 'Ace of Cakes, which is constantly on The Food Channel these days.

Oh, I finally cracked a couple of hours ago & toddled down to the pharmacy next door to get some Non-Drowsy Anti-Histamines because the Watering & the Itching was becoming unbearable.
I'm now feeling more than normally drowsy for this time of nite. And also a bit off-kilter, like I might be leaning a little to the Left or something. And even though the itching seems to have turned down a few notches, my left eye is still watering. So, you'll understand that I've again put in that photo of the Chanel Window at Bondi Westfield that I already used last blog post.
Sadly, it hasn't got any more interesting than last time. It's still a grey handbag made from a Reptile. My guess that it cost about $8000 which is nothing when you compare it to an Alligator Bag by The Olsen Twins that cost $89,000 that the Panel on Fashion Police (see, I can't write a blog without mentioning it) were scathing about. Who the hell do the Olsens think they are, Coco Chanel? Apparently, Alligators are Hard to Catch which really bumps the price up. Who knew?
Clearly, I'm under the influence of Non-Drowsy Medication.

I'm reduced to wearing flat shoes - these ones are Completely Plastic from 'Target' .
Pourquoi, you may ask?
DON'T READ THIS NEXT BIT IF YOU HAVE A WEAK STOMACH. THIS MEANS YOU TRIXIE.
I have Unbearable Corns on both little toes. I didn't know what on earth was going on with the toes. All I knew was that Something Bad was Happening. So, when I went to the Pharmacy for Non-Drowsy Medication, I got the pharmacist to look at them. She sat me down next to the counter & got me to remove my Pumas (even though I'm suffering I still went to Boot Camp. Hope I don't come down with Pneumonia tomorrow). Immediately she diagnosed Corns which she says is caused by wearing Other People's Shoes.
I now must see a Podiatrist who will remove a tiny piece of Grizzle or is it spelt, Gristle, which forms the Nucleus of the Corn.

I'm getting more & more drowsy. I must hop into bed. Perhaps then my Left Eye will mercifully stop watering.
So,here's me in front of the whiteboard this week. I'm wearing Spring. The outfit above has a Slight Sheriff of Nottingham feel to it or at least what the Sheriff of Not. looked like in Robin Hood, a favourite TV series of mine from the 1950s with its studded jacket.
The one below is like the Packaging of Gwen Stefani's Perfume, or at least that's what my student's told me.
Lastly, I can't stop playing the 'Glee' version of Florence & the Machine's song, 'The Dog Days Are Over'.
In my case, that's soooo True.

Heightening My Hypervigilance

2011-08-29T22:20:00.000+10:00

Here I Am.
It's Monday Nite, 8.48pm. I'm sitting in my Toy Ugg Boots. Actually, that's not quite true. How could I possibly be sitting in ugg boots, although I wish I could. I'm sure it would feel all Cozy & Womb Like. I'm soo dreading The End of Winter when I'll have to pack them away for yet another year. And as I keep on saying, they're not even Real Sheepskin, but Toy Sheepskin, bought by my daughter at 'Aldi' for eight bucks.
Who knew that Toy Sheepskin could feel so good? I can't even imagine what The Real Deal would feel like.
Sheepskin Heaven perhaps?
Look at the look on my face taken today. What does it say, I wonder? I can't Decode.
The Sad Clown? After the Earthquake? The Cat that Swallowed the Canary? On a Clear Day You Can See Forever?
I'm not sure.
But it's not hard to tell that I'm faking a smile. An informative Guide to Detecting Faux Smiles that I once read said that one way to tell is if the eyes & the smile don't match up.
Mine clearly don't.
And the reason can be found at my feet.

Yes, I've just finished with the School's Annual Op Shop Parade & Stall.
I'm sure I explained all of this in my last post. If you can't remember what I wrote or didn't bother reading it, I'll give you a quick Executive Summary:
Clothes Donations from Girls/Mothers. Some with labels still on. Some a bit off (e.g. Puky Green tee shirt with 'Bouncing Ball Basketball Camp' emblazoned on it in even Pukier Yellow). Stylists. Models. Huge Hair & Slightly Slutty Makeup. Tears. Accusations. Clothing Stall at lunch time. Absolute mayhem.
Look at what my classroom looked like last thursday when we should have been studying 'Wuthering Heights'.

Here I am above in Aftershock After the Parade. I'm loaded up with Faux Pearls from the Fruits de Mer section of my Jewellry Vault. I needed it for protection against Angry Student Stylists.

And here I am calmly explaining to a child that the reason why she can't wear 20cm. heels & a midriff top & butt skimming shorts & black glitter lipstick down the runway is because we're not playing 'Schoolgirl or Streetwalker?', which is a variant of the popular 'Starlet or Streetwalker?' segment in my almost favourite show, 'Fashion Police'.

Earlier last week I was in a slightly more sedate mood when Trixie & I visited 'Abbotsleigh', a v. posh girl's school deep in the heart of the Leafy North Shore of Sydney. I was there with an entire auditorium's worth of other Middleagedteachers to listen to Carol Dweck, a psychologist from Stanford University who wrote a book called 'Mindset'. Although I'm normally v. interested in what Carol has to say about how we can train our students to be more interested in developing a Growth Mindset, my own mindset couldn't help but fixate on what all the other Middleagedteachers were wearing:
1. A Propensity for Layering.
2 Slight Heels, although nothing Trampy which I think is a shame because Trampiness can often Add Interest to an Otherwise Dull Outfit.
3. A desire on the part of some women to Firmly Reclaim their Waist Even Though They Don't Have One Anymore. I admire their Determination.

I was encased in a Sea of Brown.

1. Real Calvin Klein dress.

2. A Slightly Creased Scanlan & Theodore Car Coat (one of my Mother's favourite terms) which sadly I don't have the Ability or the Facility to Iron.

3. A v.v. good Louis Vuitton fake bag.

4. A scarf featuring a combination of Fake Hermes Motifs & Wild Animal Print.

5. Toy Gold Jewellry which gave a slight Sharon Stone in 'Casino' feel to the outfit.

Here's some photos I secretly took of the windows at Chanel at Bondi Westfield. I arrived at the Mall mistakenly way before the shops opened last Saturday & raced to Chanel to photograph it. Sadly, even though no one was around, a big Burly Black-Suited with a Matching Headset Security Person who looked like something out of 'Men in Black' was already in position waiting to tell me that I can't take photographs. Perhaps he has to stay there all nite & guard all the Magnificent Quilted Bags.
I would soo love that black one in the picture above & would not say no to the one below even though it may be made of alligator or perhaps a Venomous Snake.

And here's me also last week Before the Rot Set In wearing items from the A-List Section of my Wardrobe:
1. a felt Real Valentino cropped Jacket with sleeves with Pirate Overtones. Somehow I've convinced myself that my arms don't look too much like Legs'O Mutton in them.
2. a vintage 'Lanvin' silk dress. It's always stressful wearing it because the button at the front keeps on popping. This heightens my Hypervigilance.

Oh, here we are Back to the Op Shop. If you look closely, you can see that one of my students is hiding under all those clothes. I am not really standing on her. If I did, it would be a Duty of Care Issue. And we can't have that.
I'm wearing a Real Diane Von Furstenberg wrap dress which always feels a Little Too Age Appropriate for my tastes.

Talking of taste, here's me at last sunday nite's Dinner trying to hack my way through a Pear & Chocolate Tart that I made. As they say in America, I made the shortcrust pastry from 'scratch' & dutifully followed the recipe that I got from Taste.com, my Recipe Bible, & baked it 'Blind' for a few minutes. (To the uninitiated this means baking the pastry without the filling). Even though I was using a v.v. sharp knife, I could barely cut through it which I totally blame on the Blind Baking not on the fact that I may have Overkneaded the Dough. As if.
In case you were wondering, I'm holding up the carefully folded baking paper that I used on the side of the baking tin in a failed big to emulate my current Cooking Crush, Donna Hay.
I can't believe that I'm wearing an oversized Abercrombie & Fitch tee shirt left by The Previous Regime.

Lastly, what can I say about Kim's Wedding? Nothing much really. I'll just leave that to Joan Rivers who said that she'd seen 'More tasteful headgear on a Pony'.

Love Hurts

2011-08-20T22:00:00.000+10:00

Hello & Welcome to the Inside of a Bag of Slightly Used Clothes.
Yes, that's where I feel I am speaking to you from this late winter's evening.
You see, it's Op Shop Time of Year again.
But, you may ask, isn't it normally Op Shop Time Every Day of the Year for you, Della?
For me personally, yes. But Certainly Not for The School.
For the past few years in late August, I've been organising a Fundraising Op Shop Parade & Stall at the school. I'm not entirely sure why I do this because I'm not known for my organisational skills & I rarely if ever make lists which is what I think most Splendid Organisers do. I also have had a strong belief that I am bad at getting people to do things because I was once sacked from a job in a boutique because I didn't sell one thing in a whole entire day. Also, I have been spectacularly unsuccessful over many years at getting students to do their homework. And they never even bother trotting out an excuse like the dog ate it. Occasionally, though someone might say they left it at Dad's House in a bid to make me feel sorry for them. Which I don't.
So, in spite of the fact that I'm a Lousy Organiser & I can't get anyone to do anything, I'm running this Big Fundraiser.
First, I had to cajole students to bring in Donations of clothes to showcase in the parade & then ti sell the next day. I did this by getting the Principal to agree for the Op Shop Parade Day to be a Mufti Day, which in case you don't know, means NO School Uniform. The word 'Mufti' is a Sacred Word at my school & it's spoken in hushed tones. As if a whole boring day schlepping from one draughty classroom to the next is going to be Magically Transformed because you're allowed to wear your own Ugg Boots & jeans while you're doing it.
(BTW, as I type, my poor little feet that have been punished all week by my slavish insistence on wearing high heels are luxuriating in Toy Ugg Boots. If Feet Could Purr, they'd be doing it right now )
Anyway, The Principal said to the Entire Student Body at Assembly, 'No Donations. No Mufti'.
'No Mufti?' echoed through the crowd. Quelle Horreur! You'd think that she'd announced that Lunch was cancelled for the rest of the year.
The next day, the Donations began to pour in.

The next thing I had to do was to cajole girls to be Models. You'd think that in these days of 'Australia's Next Top Model' & all those other reality shows, that everyone would be totally gagging to strut down a Toy Catwalk to the tune of Lady Gaga's 'Born This Way'. (Actually I'm planning to use The Glee Cast version. It's just that tiny bit tamer).
Absolutely Not. All they want to do is Hair & Makeup.Or be a Stylist. No one wants to Model because everyone is going to laugh at them because they're Stupid Looking or their Bum's Too Big or both.
(BTW, if you want a good My Bum's Too Big in Jeans story, read Reader Rita's own true story in the comments of my last entry. Not only is it entertaining, but instructive)
Again The Principal was wheeled out At Assembly to say, 'No Models. No Mufti'.
The next day sixty girls signed up.
The Parade is on next thursday & the following day we're selling the donations during lunch time. Last year, we made over a thousand bucks in about twenty minutes. Beats the hell out of a Sausage Sizzle.
Hopefully after then I may return to normal. Or should I say, Normal For Me.
If you're at all wondering what that might be, take a look at this v. brief video I took (or is it 'made'?) today in the Clothes Sorting Room at BednobsEtc, a room I'm not normally allowed to venture into because a Disgruntled Customer complained that I was going in there & getting Preferential Treatment by seeing the clothes before they came out into the shop.
I wasn't. But I'm still barred from it.
Anyway, in the video, a small Plush Toy Dog is singing 'Love Hurts' which is a more or less accurate enactment of My Normal Internal State.

I hope you bothered to watch it.

I'm getting v. sleepy & am desperate to hop into bed. And it just might be cold enough for me to wear my Toy Ugg Boots to bed. What a treat if it is!
You can see that I'm angling to finish up & not bother walking you through what I'm wearing in the photos. I'm sure you can work it out for yourselves, although I'll point out what appears to me to be The Bleeding Obvious:
1. A Persistent Black & White Theme.
2. Persistent Pearls.
3. Everything either given to me or thrifted at Bednobs.
4. Bangles with text on them. One of them says 'Hope'.
5. A plastic pin in the shape of a red mouth.

Some quick points before I go:
*Found it hard to eat the capsicum I paid $4.32 for. In fact, it spent over a week languishing in the fridge before I could bring myself to eat it.
*In spite of bananas being $14.99 a kilo, I still bought one that I used to make little Banana Butterscotch Puddings for my Sunday Nite dinner. Hunter, one of my Regular Guests said that he didn't agree with another guest who claimed that Expensive Bananas were contributing to The Current Inflation Rate. Because he loved & appreciated the smooth taste of a banana, Hunter gladly pays $2.00 or more for the privilege of eating one. I applauded.
* I have Definite Proof that European Style Kissing -i.e. kissing on both cheeks, is not only Annoying but Dangerous. This evening as I was going up the escalator from Harris Farm Market, a local friend saw me & jumped on the escalator. I turned around & he kissed me on one cheek & then unexpectedly went for the Other Cheek. I was so Unprepared & Put Off by having to quickly snap into gear with this that I suddenly fell backwards & landed on my butt at the top of the escalator. All the staff came running. I promptly assured them that I wasn't going to sue the shop. They went back to their jobs. I limped home.

Before I go, here's The Ex-School Nurse & me taken last saturday at BednobsEtc. Until I saw this photo I thought that I looked fab in the thrifted 'Morrissey' oversized cashmere sweater. Sadly, it looks Slightly Potato Sackesque. E-SN looks very sporty in what she originally thought was a jockey's cap. It wasn't. But it looks great anyway.

Comfort Over Morality

2011-08-08T22:50:00.000+10:00

OMG Twice.
First, because I'm still having trouble Typing this blog. For proof that I'm not just Whining, look no further than that Rogue Underlined 'O' that is peeking out from the photo of the back of me above. Every time I tried to type, it DID THAT. Why why why??????
Second, because I've just seen the World's Roundest Butt worn by a reality star called Coco on this week's edition of 'Fashion Police'. Coco is the instigator of 'Thong Thursday', a movement on Twitter dedicated to inciting Women of all walks of Life to join together in Solidarity every thursday by wearing a G-String.
Thankfully, my butt was Safely Tucked Away inside a thrifted black 'Armani' skirt in the Behind Shot, above. Even though that this is supposed to be a G-Rated Blog (in the slim chance that one of my students might read it), I can't help but mention that I would Never Knowingly Wear a Thong.
Double Yuck with Nuts sprinkled on the Top. To me, it's like being sawn in half by Elasticised Nylon.
So it's not a Morality Issue, it's a Comfort One, although to me there is something Slightly Discomforting about being dressed like a Porn Star underneath my Middleagedteacher Outfit.

Alert Alert! Quelle Horreur! What am I doing wrong? Suddenly, the photo of the Front of Me which was sitting here suddenly deleted itself . I have re-uploaded it & of course it is now totally Out of Order at the beginning of the Entry. I do hope you can follow.
All I can say, Fellow Bloggers, is Beware of Pressing 'Enter'.

And here's the Front View. I'm kind of Crowing because I bought the jacket last friday morning when I made a Mad Dash into 'BednobsEtc' before making a late start for school.
It was v. cheap. In fact, soo cheap I can't say. And...... it's an Italian designer label that nobody I bragged to about it had heard of. And clearly, the people who price the stuff at 'BednobsETc' hadn't heard of it either.
It's called Byblos. I wonder if you know it? Perhaps you've got a whole wardrobe of Byblos outfits.
Anyway, I just did a Google search on it. Gianni Versace once designed for it which cheered me up No End.
I'm also wearing black patent leather Nun's shoes. Patent leather is totally my Preferred Shoe Material. They always remind me of Frank Sinatra who wore them on stage with his dinner suit.
George, one of my students, told me this morning that she can always hear me trotting along the crowded corridors because my Heels make such a loud noise. I took it as a compliment.

And now we come to Lunch.
It's been almost a year since Me & Trixie began bringing our lunch to school every day. And I'm pleased to report that so far, we haven't missed a beat. In fact, I'm such a Dedicated Lunch Bringer that this morning I forgot mine & trudged back home at recess to get it.
You may wonder why I bring my lunch:
1. Oprah always brought her Own Lunch to work. But I guess she got her Special Chef to make it for her. I am my Own Special Chef.
2. I enjoy the Illusion of Control that only Bringing YOur Own Lunch can Create. I am Mistress of my own Lunchtime.
3. It saves time. Although I still have to go & buy My Regulation Two Lattes each day from 'Zinc'.
4. It is supposed to save me money. But I'm not entirely sure that it does. For instance, look closely at my lunch in the photo, above. Note that it has some Red Food Items in it. Tomatoes & capsicum. That capsicum cost me $4.32 at 'Woolworths'. That's $14.99 a kilo. Again, why why why? Is it the GFC? Global Warming? Greedy Food People? All three?
A Commitment.
From now on, I'm only going to buy vegetables that are no more than $2.99 a kilo. I hope to hell that doesn't mean only eating Swedes & Parsnips. Not that there's anything wrong with them, particularly parsnips, which can have a Slightly Nutty flavour if your taste buds are Highly Sharpened.
5. I like putting food into plastic containers. It creates a sorely needed Illusion of Control.

Here's another item from the Dead Drag Queen's Wardrobe of Entertaining Outfits that I couldn't help but photograph whilst yet again trawling the racks at 'Bednobs' on saturday morning. Note the matching gloves. Can't you just imagine those gloves gesticulating to the audience during a rousing performance of 'Memories' or 'Big Spender' or perhaps 'Streetlife', Randy Crawford's Big Hit?
As a twelve or perhaps thirteen year old, I did a rousing rendition of 'Big Spender' myself, which included Synchronised Butt Movements that I learned from watching Shirley Bassey on TV. It seems that this blog entry has a mind of its own & is determined to keep coming back to Butts. Left to my own devices I would never mention them, except to say that I don't wear jeans because my Mum said that my Bum Looked too Big in them. But I've told you that story more than once.

What is it with Eiffel Towers & Me? Everywhere I go (and I'm certainly NOT in Paris), I see it. Maybe Eiffel Towers have taken the place of Fish as the most Reproduced Image in the World & I'm merely seeing them because in fact, they are everywhere.
AJ has just returned from three months in Europe. Here she is below, looking a little Jet Lagged on saturday. I hope she won't be Too Cross at Me for publishing this photo. I just couldn't help myself. And she knows how I've got Low Impulse Control.
The Weary Traveller is sitting on the floor of my lounge room with gifts that all featured Le Tour Eiffel laid out before me. I was thrilled to pieces.
Table Napkins, miniature papier mache Eiffels & Eiffel Glasses.
Hmm,.....I wonder what the Tower might symbolise? I must ask my Senior Class.

Abundance Through Frugality
.Let me leave you with a Small Food Related Snippet. My daughter Maeflower is keen to help me with my Food Economy Drive. Today she sent me her week's Nitely Dinner Plan which gave me some much needed Food for Thought as to how I can best maximise my Food Dollar. Certainly Not by buying any more four dollar Capsicums. Upon waking tomorrow morning, I will make my own plan, which will be mercifully lacking Swedes & Turnips.

Be Prepared

2011-08-01T19:52:00.000+10:00

Dear Virtual Companion
After the appalling technical difficulties I encountered last time, I approach writing this entry with some trepidation, although it was almost, but not quite worth it to receive the large accolade for my persistence from Elegance Maison. Her comment made me feel that I was an intrepid explorer valiantly Soldiering On in the Face of Interminable Adversity which of course is how I view My Life Generally.
Now I've got that out of the way, I've got Absolutely Loads to tell you.
But for some reason all I want to talk about is Eating Kale.
Appearance: It is a v. deep shade of green & is v.v. curly. If you have Confused Tastebuds, you may think that you're eating Spinach. Apparently, European farmers grow Kale to feed their cows which may give Humans the idea that it is like eating Pet Food.
I have just eaten a small quantity of it in my School Lunch. It is not normally part of my Usual Eating Regime, but I was tempted to buy it at the insistence of the salesperson at the Organic Fruit & Vegetable stall at the Saturday Markets in Potts Point, conveniently located across the road from my apartment building. The salesperson said that Kale was loaded with Essential Zinc which sounds like something my body could be craving. I tried to imagine The New Improved Kale Boosted Me. Nothing came to mind. But perhaps I would be able to do Real Pushups on my toes instead of on my knees . Or spontaneously write a Petrarchan Sonnet before breakfast.
Anyway, that's enough about Kale. Oh, except that it tastes pretty ordinary. I can imagine a cow languidly chewing on it.
In the first photo above, I look a little Heavy Lidded. But that's a whole other story that I'm blaming on the iPhone camera. You may notice that I'm holding a poster. I made it to promote the school's Annual Op Shop Parade & Stall. It's coming up at the end of August. At this stage, I'm trying to encourage girls & Mothers & teachers to donate their unwanted clothes & accessories to us.
'Girls, remember if you haven't worn it for six months, you're Never Gonna Wear it'.
'Miss, but what about if you're not wearing it because it's the Wrong Season?'
How should I answer such a query, I wonder?

The Impermanence of Wardrobes.
Talking of emptying your wardrobes of Unworn Items, look above. Here is a beautifully made Cocktail Frock which once belonged to a Drag Queen who Sadly Died. Annie, from 'BednobsEtc' showed it to me when I ventured inside the Magical Shoppe on saturday after I bought The Kale. Oddly enough, I wasn't tempted to buy it, or even to try it on.
I wonder how many times that dress was worn whilst the occupant was miming 'I Will Survive', which would be my Signature Song if I were a Drag Q.

Look at me above, this past week looking Slightly Sour. Although I am easily prone to Sourness, I wasn't sour at the time. In fact, I was feeling a small slice of accomplishment after I had just freshly taught Shakespeare's sonnet, 'My mistresses' eyes are nothing like the sun' through the Instructive Drawings behind me on the whiteboard.
In the sonnet, the poet says that even though his girlfriend has hair like black wires & breasts the colour of poo & bad breath & a crappy voice & no colour in her cheeks, & has absolutely nothing in common with a Goddess, he loves her anyway.
My students were appalled. What kind of a dude was Shakespeare?
I honestly can't say. All I know is that he'd be first on my list of People I'd Invite to a Dinner Party If They Were Available.
Talking of Goddesses, I'm trying to channel a Toy Hermes/Horsey look. Believe it or not, I'm wearing an 'Emmanuelle' by Ungaro skirt that I bought a few years back from a market in Canberra for five bucks. I've carried on the horsebit theme with the large scarf that I bought NEW from 'Sportsgirl' a few weeks back. It was the first new item I had bought in ages.

The Camouflages.
I was soo thrilled & surprised when two of my favourite ex-students, Maddie & Maddie turned up outside my Staffroom door last week.
They both looked ravishing in their University Wear, each channelling a little bit of Chic Che Guevara. Blond Maddie is also wearing her Mum's fab vintagy 'Lisa Ho' skirt with wonderful pin tucks at the waist. Luckily, I wasn't envying the skirt too much even though I loved it because I don't wear long skirts. Theyconflict with that ever so Slightly Slutty look that I'm going for now.

OMG, I almost but not quite had another Nasty Moment with Blogger just then when no matter how hard I tried, I wasn't able to type here. What is wrong? Is it Me? Is it a Virus? Or has my blog got the wrong Feng Shui?
Fortunately, I remembered to say a short prayer to St. Anthony, the Patron Saint of Hopeless Cases, & in a twinkling, I was able to type again. Hurrah!
Lastly, I'm standing in front of more Explanatory Drawings of a Shakespearean Sonnet. This time it was
'Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?'
I won't bother walking you through that one. I'd rather you look at my hair which is uncharacteristically out of the Strict Dishevelled Ponytail Regime. I love the way that it is curling up which reminds me of Patty Duke when she was the star of 'The Patty Duke Show', which was my absolute favourite show when I was about eleven. In fact, I loved it so much that I refused to join the Girl Guides because their meetings were on the same night as the show. To this day, I still don't know what Guides do. But I do know that whatever they do, they're Always Prepared.

Between Two Artichokes

2011-07-21T22:31:00.000+10:00

Well Hello.
It seems that I was so overwhelmed by Wearing Black all Holiday that I forgot to post anything. Perhaps Persistently wearing black, leeches, or is it, drains all the creative juices out of people?
If that is true, it would certainly go a long way to explain Karl Lagerfeld.
I'd love to say that this Marvellous Post will make up for it, but sadly, I know that it won't. I'm far too tired & distracted by watching a v. young Van Johnson in a movie called, 'Between Two Women' which may as well be called, 'Between Two Artichokes.
In it, Van plays a v. young doctor who cures an equally v. young Gloria de Haven of 'Neuro-psychological Self-Starvation', which is what they called Anorexia at MGM in the 1940s.

I was so bedazzled by the fabulous array of sparkling white Toy Doctor & Nurses uniforms that the entire cast wore, with the exception of Gloria who was dressed as a Slightly Trampy Nite Club singer, that I had to take a photo to show you. BTW, Young Dr. Van is on the left. Wouldn't you just love to be fussed over by that lot when you about to have say, a gallstone operation? I know I would.

Here I am at The Seaside. You'd think that this would be a Holiday Snap.
Sadly, it isn't. Believe it or not, I was Actually Working whilst I was posing for this photo.
Pourquoi, you may inquire? A beach is not a Classroom & even if it is, where are the students?
Surely I wasn't attempting to teach passerbys? Or a rogue seagull?
Certainly not.
In fact, I was at a Spirituality Retreat that the entire staff went on just before the girls came back to school earlier this week. I was sent down at the beach to see if I could See God in All Things, to quote St. Ignatius Loyola.
You'll be pleased to know that I almost succeeded.
Note I'm wearing something that almost, but Not Quite, looks kind of like an Edwardian Mourning Outfit, but perhaps I am deluded. I didn't intend for this last bit to be in large writing, but it won't stop.
Important Notice: OMg. This blog is a Complete Mess. Just then I stupidly pressed the 'enter' button which deleted the photoof me next to grafitti which should be here. Then I re-added it, but now it's at the Top of the Post. Please please scroll back & look at it.

Have I ever told you that I love Grafitti? My friend Dark Star Maud led me to to this new Outcrop in the back streets of Newtown last week when I was legitimately on holidays. I was thrilled at the tiny stencilled girl with the Parasol. Please note the large Louis Vuitton bag. Since I bought it last week at 'BednobsEtc' for forty bucks, I have been in a Total Lather because I convinced myself that finally this time, I had cracked a Real Louis, not a Toy Louis. The Leather Trimmings actually look & smell like Real Leather & The Hardware, as the little brass knobs etc are called, all had 'Louis Vuitton' stamped on them.
Besides, the Bag had a Certain Air of Gravitas that no other bag I've held has ever had. I even swaggered into a 'LV" shop in Westfield with it dangling off my arm & confidently said hello to the smiling assistants, like I go in there all the time.
But over dinner at the Spirituality Retreat, my supportive colleagues started casting doubt over the bag's Parentage. To prove them wrong, I consulted Google between courses. After a short search, I found a short movie called 'How to Spot a LV Fake'. The Earnest Presenter spoke with the urgency of an expert who was informing people on how to Spot a Communist during the 1950s.
There's a whole raft of tell-tale signs, none of which MY Bag exhibited. But then, just before the end, she said that the LV initials in a Real Bag never had stitching on them or were in a crease. No, LV was sacred.
But not on My Bag.
I was crushed.

Look below. I've wearing my best Drum Majorette Outfit to greet diners at my favourite local cafe, Zinc.

And here I am back in the classroom after the Spirituality Retreat doing my best Tea Cozy Impersonation.
Note I'm Partially Wearing black.
Had a great holiday. Watched 30 Rock, made Apple & Strawberry Custard Crumble for my sunday nite dinners, wondered if Kate Middleton was really too thin, swooned over Vaughn Willliam's 'Lark Descending', read 'Women in the Background', an only partially satisfying novel by Barry Humphries AKA Dame Edna, downloaded the Glee Cast version of 'Born This Way', wondered about Alec Baldwin's marital status, toyed with the idea of opening up the lid of the piano & dusting the keys before playing a tune & revelled in wearing my Toy Ugg Boots, but never outside. In fact I'm wearing them now.

Basking In a Winter Wonderland

2011-07-08T23:28:00.000+10:00

Absolutely Not Skiing.
Howdy & Welcome to My Winter Holiday.
It's rare for people to announce that they're on a 'Winter Holiday', unless of course they're going skiing. And I've never skied in my life. The very thought of it sends shivers down my spine.
Think of all the accidents. And all the lost limbs. And all that cumbersome equipment you have to buy or hire & then lug up mountains or hop on ski lifts with .
I don't think I'd be capable of hopping on a ski lift. I'd lose my footing & catapult down the mountain & sustain serious Head Injuries. And then where would I be? In a Nursing Home.
And don't get me started on the Outfits. Nobody, not even The Duchess of Cambridge looks good in a Ski Parka.
No, I'd much rather sit at home & watch back-to-back episodes of 30 Rock. Or trot down the road to my favourite cafe, Zinc & sip lattes. That's where I was earlier this week looking a little too much like a Wannabe Middleagedteacherbikerbabe for my liking.
Note that I am Wearing Pants. This is a totally new innovation. I stopped wearing them in 1983 after thirty years of hearing My Mother tell me that pants & especially jeans made my bum look too wide. And my little legs made my bum look too close to the ground.
Anyway, I do love the pants, even though I can still hear my Mum's voice in the background as I trot down the street in them. They're thrifted 'Bettina Liano' & are a cross between a Harem Pant & a Sweat Pant.
Harem Sweats. Perhaps I've coined a new term.
And then there's the Biker's Jacket. Another thrifted item in Toy Leather.
It's a constant battle to Dress Age Appropriately. It's like solving a puzzle or or deciphering a code or worse still, slaying the Jabberwocky. I must, repeat must, keep those Baby Doll dresses out of my wardrobe. I've got to cover up The Girls & the Upper Arms. Maybe I can show a bit of leg because the leg is the last to go. And the last thing I want, is to look like I'm Trying too Hard. Heaven Forbid.

In my last entry I announced my love of grafitti, although I was at pains to say that I am Not a Lawbreaker. Here I am in Newtown this week, after a sumptuous lunch of Corn Fritters with my friend, Dark Star Maud. Dark Star is always on the lookout for Fresh Grafitti & this one, which adorns a rundown squat had only been painted the day Before. Talk about being On the Cutting Edge!

You'll notice that I'm still wearing the Harem Sweats but thankfully without the Toy Leather Biker's Jacket. This winter, I've totally embraced the jacket. It's my desperate bid to emulate Emanuelle Alt, the editor of 'French Vogue, although I look nothing like her.
A small Accessories Point: If you double-click the image you may notice that I'm wearing Big Elephant Tusks around my neck. You may be relieved to know that No Elephants Were Killed so that I could wear their tusks. They're plastic.

Whilst on holiday, I've had loads of time to not only walk past shops, but to stop & covertly take photos of them with my Beloved iPhone. What a treat. And what a dreadful Spy or Undercover Cop I would make.
Romance is Born is the name of an Australian designer clothing brand specialising in V.v. colourful one-off items that perhaps are made from antique kimonos & velour cushions & old tassles maybe with a motley fur stole thrown in. You can see what I'm talking about if you scroll down a couple of photos. Their website proclaims that wearing one of their items is a 'Clothing Experience'.
Of course, my current 'Clothing Experience' is a Sea of Black & Occasional Navy. The most colourful I've got this week is to wear sequinned horizontal black & white stripes which have slight Bumble Bee overtones. Perhaps you could say that my clothing label, if I had one, would be called, 'Romance Was Dead or better still, Romance Was Dead Until I Met Someone Suitable. I bet Tina Fey would've come up with a better name than that. I must, repeat Must, stop being envious of her. And I must stop wondering about Alec Baldwin's marital status. As if.

Talking of black, here is one of my favourite photos of Me & Maeflower. She & Russell visited this past weekend & we went to Parsley Bay, a cozy little cove nestled into the Easter shores of Sydney Harbour. Of course we weren't going swimming in those outfits. I'm wearing a rather large 'Jaegar' cardigan with gold buttons that once belonged to Aileen, the 97 year old who sadly died a few months back.

See what I mean about Romance Was Born's, 'Clothing Experience'?

We're now moving into The Chanel Part of the Blog.
Don't you just love this painting of Coco? I found it in a book on Chanel at Ariel Bookshop in Paddington, & of course, whipped out my iPhone & took a photo, careful that the shop assistant didn't see me. Perhaps I would make a good Spy after all.

And then I walked down the street & found these wonderful vintage Chanel pieces in the window of 'Harlequin Market, again in Paddington.

I do love it when neighbours dump their unwanted furniture on the street. I nearly always want to drag whatever it is up to my apartment. This time, however, I resisted the urge. It was a complete suite of chairs. Some had neat little patches on the arms. Neil, my building's Caretaker (Oh, how I ache to call him our Concierge!) generously took the photo. Note I'm holding my Daily Second Latte.

Lastly, here are some of my earrings & rings. I'd gladly trade them all for that Chanel Necklace a couple of photos back.

An Eternity of Seconds

2011-06-30T09:23:00.000+10:00

It is now the next day. I awoke with a familiar gnawing feeling in my gut.
I frantically scanned my thoughts in a desperate bid to discover which one of them was causing the gnawing.
And then I realised. Yes, it was The Blank Rectangle! Hurrah!
I hopped out of bed & without giving thought to my morning cup of 'Twinings Afternoon Tea flavour tea, I scampered to the computer, clicked on to Blogger's 'New Post' & then clicked 'Add Photos'.
I waited in breathless anticipation. An Eternity of Seconds ticked by. And then a Blank Rectangle appeared. My heart sank. Who would look at my blog now if there were no photos? I lamely asked.
And then......and then, the photo above appeared.
I Am Saved. Hallelujah!
Here are the photos minus the Dark Brown Pudding one I asked you to imagine in my last post.
I hope I have done justice to your Imagination. I think that unlikely.
The first one was taken by my friend Dark Star Maud after a wonderful Holiday Lunch yesterday in Newtown which is suburb chock-a-block full of graffiti.
although

I totally love Graffiti. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a Lawbreaker although I did find myself secretly texting yesterday while I was stopped at the lights in my car. I couldn't help it. I was under the spell of the Texting Fairy. Or should I call her the SMS Fairy? I wonder what The Correct Term is?
As I said earlier, I'm wearing Guilt Black. From top to toe. All thrifted from 'BednobsEtc'. And, may I say, All Designer Brands but you'd never know it.
1. Agnes B lambswool turtleneck. I totally marvel at the word Turtleneck. It's fabulous & completely appropriate when referring to My Neck.
2. Zimmerman lacy skirt. Luckily I had Black 'Jeggings' on underneath. At least that's what they were called on the label at 'K-Mart'. Another great term.
3. Anne Klein Mules. Yet Another great term.
4. Toy Silver Heart which cozily protects my own Bleeding Heart.

Here's the next photo I previously asked you to imagine. I bet it's nothing like what you thought because I omitted to tell you that the owner of the car had artfully placed a scary Halloween (or is it a Nasty Politician?) style mask on the headrest. The dog doesn't seem too frightened. Only probably a bit annoyed that he's yet again left in the car.

Lastly, here's me in not quite total black. I'm showing it to you because I bought the top on tuesday for eight bucks at 'K-Mart'. It's the first new item (besides leggings & undergarments) that I've bought in quite some time. I must say that it was a thrill to put something on that I absolutely knew that no one had died in it before me. My only concern is that it has a Blouson waist which always has a tendency to make me look Blousy. Slightly Slutty, Yes, but Blousy, Never.

The Tools for Enlightenment

2011-06-29T22:07:00.000+10:00

Right, that's it, I've had it.
I know that's not a v. friendly way to start, but I'm sure you'll understand, O Reader when I tell you that I've been trying for what seems like Hours & hours to upload loads of photos onto Nasty Blogger & it Won't Let Me. A Blank Rectangle just comes up. Is this perhaps a Metaphor for my Life, I wonder? What is Wrong? What a shame because I had soo much to Show & Tell.
Like a photo I took today of a dog inside a parked car. And one of Me in front of some grafitti. And a photo of a Sticky Date Pudding I made.
You'll just have to Imagine them instead. Imagine your favourite dog inside a car. Imagine me in black again. Imagine a Dark Brown Pudding.

Look, above at all those beautiful bunches of Roses. Yes, you guessed it. I'm on Holidays.
Again? you may respond.
Yes, again. This time for three weeks. I'm already half way through my first week & I haven't spent any time at all Watching TV During Daylight Hours. You may think that this is a Big Plus, but for me it isn't. Certainly Not.
My ambition is to be able to sit in front of the TV at any time of the day or nite without the slightest bit of Ennui or feelings of Hopelessness or Meaninglessness or Worst of the Worst, Guilt.
Imagine an entire day of back-to-back episodes of 'Keeping Up With the Kardashians' with a whole mess of Game Shows thrown in as well? I wonder if they still make 'Blankety Blanks' & 'Wheel of Fortune', which incidentally had an audience of 75 million people once upon a time.
Anyway, I'm sure if the Dalai Lama spent a day watching TV he'd feel great. And so will I.
Who would have ever thought that watching Daytime TV could be used as Tool for Enlightenment?

Here's my First Holiday Outfit. Note that it's Black. Why do I keep on feeling guilty about wearing Black? No one else does. Darla wears Guilt-Free Black. And so does Rebecca.
So how the hell am I going to be Enlightened if I can't wear black without feeling guilty? And when am I going to stop asking all these silly rhetorical questions?
But perhaps you are answering them for me. I'd like it if you did. And then you could tell me what to think.

Important Points About #1 Holiday Outfit:
* Note I'm wearing thrifted 'Anne Klein' Mules. At least that's what I think they're called. High heels with no backs on them. I do wonder why they're called Mules. Surely it can't be because Real Mules have feet or even hooves like that? Anyway, they're super-convenient. All I do is yank myself out of the Unsightly Ugg Boots & slide into the Mules & I'm ready for a latte. Or for anything really.
*Note I'm wearing loads of little dainty silver & gold necklaces which is not my usual style, but maybe it will be from now on. They were generously donated to me by a grateful student whose mother was throwing them out & then they thought of me.

Holiday Outfit #2:
More Black, but this time mixed with Grey.
Can you believe that the jacket is a real not Toy 'Valentino'? I bought it with a matching skirt which is about two sizes too small for me at 'BednobsEtc'. I can't tell you how gorgeous it is to wear & how I can totally understand why if you had loads of dough you'd only wear couture. But because I can't quite allow myself the Perfection of Wearing a Valentino, I have done a strange thing. Here's what it is: Some time back, the middle button came off. Luckily, I saved it & placed it in a prominent position where I wouldn't lose sight of it. But then, I didn't bother sewing it back on. So, I wore it with a Big Gap where the button should be.
Holiday Treats:
1. Guiltlessly staying up waaay past Official Bedtime.
2. Stumped.

Finally Growing Out of Cinderella

2011-06-21T21:24:00.002+10:00

Bonjour Mes Amis
As you can see, I'm back to greeting you in my favourite Toy Language, Franglais. This morning, as I was rushing to get ready for school, I knocked over one of my small collection of Le Tour Eiffels which perhaps has prompted this. Or maybe it's the thought of The Looming Holidays which begin at the end of the week. Other, more glamorous Middleagedteachers are about to head off to Exotic Locations. And I'm not.
Luella, a fellow colleague, in so far as a Maths Teacher can be a colleague of an English Teacher, is doing a 'Thelma & Louise' style road trip across America. I do hope that she doesn't end up like them. What would her Year 12 class do then? Quelle Horreur!

Even my students are off to places like Rome & Hawaii, making sure they stop off in Honolulu for a slice of Heaven at The Cheesecake Factory, that is, if they can get in. Apparently, it's always booked out. Who knew?
But I'm not really complaining although it certainly sounds like it. And I'm not being a victim either, although I'd love to be because it's always been My Default Position.
But not anymore.
How I Used to Be:
1. Poor Little Match Girl.
2. Abandoned Princess.
3. Disadvantaged Left-Hander.
4. Task Challenged Temptress.
5. All of the Above at The Same Time.

Of course, my favourite fairytale was Cinderella, the ultimate Victim Story With a Happy Ending. I totally empathised with Poor Cinders, revelling in the fact that I too, had dainty little feet, not like those Mean Oafish Stepsisters. I never had any stepsisters myself, but it always felt as if I had a whole truckload of them in my head.
My Mindless Love for Cinderella was so great that I read the story to Maeflower, my daughter, over & over again to her when she was little. Thankfully, one day I realised what I was doing & stopped reading it to her immediately. After that, I stuck to Roald Dahl. Much safer.

Perhaps you are wondering what the pictures are. Perhaps you already know. But if you don't know, I'll tell you: They are Collages.
A person asked me the other day what I meant by 'Collages'.
Cut Outs.
From Fashion & Decorating Magazines that I drag out of the Recycling Bin in my building or are 'given' to me by Peter from 'Zinc', my local cafe.
I love making them & make them as often as I can. I ponder about what to call them. And when I do come up with a title that works, I feel a sense of Inner Triumph.
But of course, I worry that I'll be accused of Image Theft.

Now it's time for Some Outfits. Goody Goody!!!
I do find Winter Dressing a challenge. Don't get me wrong, J'adore Winter. I love how it gets dark just after 5 which means that I can sit down & start watching TV earlier than in summer because I have a slight rule that I shouldn't watch TV during Daylight Hours. I also like wearing my Toy Ugg Boots that my daughter bought at 'Aldi' for eight bucks. In fact, I'm wearing them now. I also don't like waking up in a lather of sweat which I often do in summer. And I like The Coziness that Only Winter Brings.
Anyway, I find Winter Dressing a challenge because I have to dress to keep warm. My classroom has a v. Nasty Heater that gets cranky when too many girls crowd around it & then stops working for days on end. What a Sulky Withholder.
So, in all three Outfits I'm wearing almost against my will, a black scarf. I had to wear it as a measure against the cold. In the Outfit above, I'm wearing it as a Pussy Bow, just like a Young Marcel Proust who I compared myself to in my Last Post. BTW, I've never managed to read any of Proust, nor do I particularly like 'Madeleines', his favourite cake? biscuit? dainty cookie?

Meanwhile, back at The Outfit, I'm wearing a ruffled shirt. I'm always a sucker for a ruffle, which is perhaps not such a good thing as you could really look like you're wearing a Pirate Shirt, which was featured in a famous episode of Seinfeld & is never chic.

The next Outfit, a hardly- worn- almost- wool- suit, by Australian Design Royalty, Lisa Ho, above, was
My Big Find last week at 'BednobsEtc'. But looking at it just now, I'm not so sure. I'm beginning to see why the person donated it. I thought that she was just wanting to Share the Joy, but I think she was getting rid of it because it made her look a little like a Drum Majorette.

And then there's the Ruched Black Dress with the Enormous Black Flower that looks like it's growing out of my chest. OH, & that blue stripe that's down the side? An Effect of the Sun. I'm sure you'll be relieved to know that.
If I was going to The Races, which I'm not, I don't think that I'd wear any of these outfits. What a Perfect Segue to urge you to read the Wonderful Post-length Comment that Elegance Maison made in my last post. Thank you! I would love to go inside The Royal Enclosure at one of those Race Meetings, but I've got as much chance of doing that as I have of riding in the Queen's Glass Coach with her & the Duke. (Is it really called a Glass Coach, or am I thinking of 'Cinderella' again? Maybe it's called a 'Golden Coach')

I'm nearly at the end! And I'm back to more Collages. Or Cut outs if you prefer.
I'm desperate to get back to the TV & watch yet another episode of '30Rock'. I have just freshly discovered it even though its been going for years. What, Oh what, have I been doing all this time, I wonder? Clearly wasting it.
I'm sooo crazy about Liz Lemon/Tina Fey & have toyed with the idea of wanting to be her, although I believe that she's currently pregnant & I wouldn't want to go through childbirth again . In fact, I'm so crazy about Tina that I raced out & bought New at a NewBook Store a copy of her Memoir, 'Bossypants'. This totally goes against my 'Abundance Though Frugality' dictum of only buying books if they are in One Dollar basket at 'BednobsEtc'.
I'm also crazy about Alec Baldwin. This started a while ago after I watched the Perfect Middleagedteacher Film, It's Complicated, in which he starred in with Meryl Streep, who I've almost convinced myself that I resemble. And not just because we share the same hair colour.
I just love the way that Alec talks in that breathy way, which I believe Tina mocks in a later episode that I'm not up to yet. In fact, I love just about everything about him. And..... MBFF's son in America is in his daughter's class at school. I'm desperate for them to become Besties. And then perhaps I could meet Alec. But then, what would I say to him? I mean, what do you say to a Celebrity? I'm your biggest fan. Lame. Perhaps Stalker.
I'll just have to be more like the Sassy Dame, below.

Not Promising Far More Than I Can Deliver

2011-06-13T23:24:00.001+10:00

OMG! It is at the v. tail end of The Queen's Birthday Long Weekend & I haven't done a Blog Entry.
And if I don't, I know I'll feel Slightly Empty. Perhaps I may slide onto The Wrong Side of Ennui.
But......it's less than 45 minutes before my Official Designated Bedtime.
Quelle horreur, What can I do?
I'm just going to type like the wind & tell you the first thing that's in my head. No holds bar. Or is it, 'Holds Barred'? What a v. odd expression. It must be nautical.
Anyway, look above. Yes, its a cupcake. In fact, it was a cupcake that I eventually ate after I photographed it, of course.
Have you noticed that cupcakes are one of those foods that Promise Far More Than They Deliver?
They look so Sweet & Adorable as they sit on a plate together. You can almost hear them all tweet 'Pick Me! Pick Me!' in unison, just like Donkey, my favourite character in Shrek.
And then when you do pick one it's Not That Great. Perhaps a little dry. A bit like eating Sweet Sand.

Warning Warning! Garbled Recipe to Follow.
I would much rather eat my Bread & Butter Pudding that I've been making for my regular Sunday Nite Dinners for Tyler & Hunter & Carlotta. I'm absolutely gagging to tell you the recipe that I now know off by heart because I've been making it so often lately. I make it with Raisin bread Cut into Diamonds which is liberally buttered with butter mixed with cinnamon & nutmeg & brown sugar & then weirdly arranged in a deep dish with five eggs & one yolk & a carton of cream & a dash of milk & some vanilla essence & some more brown sugar poured all over it & then baked in the oven at 180c until golden brown.
I can't believe I just gave you the whole recipe then so quickly. It must be in influence of The Food Channel.

I have just been watching what appears to be a new episode of 'Nigella Bites'.
As usual, I'm entranced with her beauty, specifically her Eyebrows. They deserve a Show of their Own.
It could be called 'Nigella's Eyebrows'.
But I'm also Slightly Disgusted. It's a Complete Festival of Gluttony, which I'm sure is still one of The Seven Deadly Sins, although I did hear that they've recently been considered a Little Old Hat or lame. I mean, who's heard of the word, 'Avarice' lately?
And can you actually rattle off all of them? Go on, I dare you.
Anyway, Nigella loves nothing more than to make enormous vats of hugely cream laden dishes which she then proceeds to shovel down as soon as she cooks them . And then at the end of the show, it's back to the fridge before Bedtime to grab another huge portion of 'Toad in the Hole' washed down with 'Tiramisu.
It's like she's daring her Arteries to Harden.
But then again, how can I talk when I've got a whole Hennery's worth of eggs & a huge vat of cream in my 'Bread & Butter Pudding'?

Spinelli On Toast.
Here's some recent entries from My English Teacher's Wardrobe Diary. As usual, everything is from 'Bednobs & Broomsticks', my favourite Charity Shoppe.
Above, I'm wearing a new vintage 'Spinelli' 100% wool cardi/jacket.
'Spinelli' was a high- end brand of Italian knitwear that one of my school friends mother's (OMG, have I got enough apostrophes back there? Should I have put in another one after the 's' in 'friends'?) often paraded around in back in the Early Sixties. The mother, Mrs. L, had shoulder length bleached blonde hair that kicked up at the ends like Patty Duke in The Patty Duke Show & drove an Enormous Pontiac Parisienne. Her tiny orthopaedic surgeon husband drove a compact 'Carmen Ghia' like he was Mr. Magoo. It was a terrifying experience driving with him. But I clearly survived.
I've Chanelled-Up the Cardi (have I created a New Verb here, I wonder? Hurrah! if I have!) by piling on a whole mess of Pearls from the 'Fruits de Mer' section of my Jewellry Wardrobe.

Next, is another 'Spinelli' Cardi/Jacket.
But I must say that I had a Slightly Unnerving Experience wearing it this week.
I was standing in the staffroom at recess chatting when Edith, a gamin strawberry blonde teacher sidled up to me & stared at the bottom button of the cardi. TAfter a short pause she informed me that in fact I was wearing her old cardi which she'd donated to 'BednobsEtc' some time back. She knew definitely that it was hers because she had replaced the left bottom button with a Rogue Button.
What can you say when someone tells you something like that?
My reaction is to always ask, What Would The Queen Mother Say if she was alive, that is?
BTW, I do like the Pussy Bow that I'm wearing. Recently, I was inspecting a photograph of Marcel Proust as a child & in the photo, he was also wearing a Pussy Bow. I was thrilled. But I'm certainly NOT going to take it too far by copying the rest of what Marcel was wearing. I would look silly in half-mast pants.

Can you believe that I'm wearing yet another 'Spinelli' creation?
This time, it's another 100% pure wool dress that sadly has got a couple of small moth holes in it. But I'm determined to keep wearing it even though it does make me look a little like a canary.
The Car Coat (don't you love that expression? It's straight out of my Mother's Mouth in 1959) has wonderful red lining & it's 'Scanlan & Theodore' which is Australian Fashion Royalty.
Speaking of Royalty, I topped it off with my favourite 'Toy Burberry' Scarf.
Speaking more of Royalty, I must confess that I'm spending a little too much time oggling at pictures of the Freshly Minted Duchess of Cambridge AKA, Kate Middleton.
This week, I've seen her in the carriage & in The Enclosure at Royal Ascot, at The Trooping of the Colour & at Prince Phillip's 90th Birthday. It's exhausting. I'm also looking at the sister wearing perhaps white pants at perhaps Wimbledon which I think is taking the whole Royal Watching Thing a bit too far.
It's Princess Diana & Fergie all over again for me, I'm afraid.
I do hope that no one would tell me to 'Get a Life'. What a Silly Saying anyway. We all have a Life whether we like it or not.

Here's me above, on the lookout for More Photos of The Junior Members of the British Royal Family.

It's now 10.45. I am so late for bed & now possibly soo wound up that I may not be able to get to sleep. So, I'll have to leave you guessing as to what the photo is above. If you look hard you may find: 1. Jane, my first doll, 2. My first shoes 3. A Royal Coach, 4. Pinochio 5. Coral from Magnetic Island 6. A Mexican Orchestra 7. My father's trophies from the 1930s. 8. birds from 'Top Dollar'. 9. Wooden heads from New Guinea 10. Toy Soldiers.

Thank you to Rebecca &amp ReaderRita &; Darla & Zizzi for your lovely comments from last time. They warmed the Cockles of My Heart. Perhaps another Nautical Term.

When The Ugly Cry Brings Out The Best Self

2011-06-04T23:54:00.003+10:00

Look above, Dear Reader.
That's how my life has been like over the past couple of weeks.
Yes, A Blizzard. An Emotional Blizzard. And you may well ask which one of the three characters I am. I'm the one in the middle, cowering into the shoulder of the other girl.
Oh, how I wish I could be more like Little Karl Lagerfeld who,when asked by an interviewer if he was nervous about an impending runway show said, 'I don't have any emotions. I have the mentality of a Professional Killer'.

Happy Penguins.
Or maybe I could take Jim Carrey's advice & get a couple of Pet Penguins. He should know, because he's just starred alongside Real, Not Computer-Generated Ones in his latest movie, which looks like a Nasty Stinker, BTW. Anyway, after he made the movie Jim said, 'It's impossible to be unhappy whilst in the company of penguins'.
Of course, I was intrigued & immediately wanted to rush out & get some. Sadly, I wouldn't be able to afford the Air Conditioning Costs necessary for keeping Penguins because they require Sub- Arctic conditions in order to survive.
I wonder it Karl could live in Sub-Arctic conditions? It seems that his Heart already does.

Can you guess which character I am in the picture above? Of course, I'm the blond with the plaits. I always identify with Blondes, either Real or Fake. Except perhaps Marilyn.
Who in God's name would want to identify with all that misery & loneliness? Anna Nicole Smith did, & look what happened to her?
But for now, I'd rather say that Thank God I have Good friends that I can sit at the foot of their beds, or more accurately, sit across the table in the cafe, or in the staffroom or on the phone or on an email & whinge & whine to.. Marge & AJ & Trixie & Sue & The Ex-School Nurse & Maud. And not forgetting my precious Maeflower.
Oh God, I hope I'm not sounding too maudlin. Quelle Horreur! I certainly don't feel that way. It's saturday nite & I've got a fresh 'Fashion Police' to watch & another sumptuously steaming bowl of freshly made Chicken Soup to shovel in. I've already had one bowl, but it's Not Quite Enough.
(BTW, I am mildly shocked at the number of times I've referenced 'God' in this post. Clearly, I'm in need of some Divine Assistance)

Our Best Selves.
Last week & this week turned out to be Big Weeks. Not only did I survive an Emotional Blizzard & attend The World's Biggest Morning Tea to aid Breast Cancer Research, but I also cried buckets over Oprah.
I just couldn't stop.
And I hardly ever watched her show. God knows what I would have been like if I was A Regular.
As soon as I turned the TV on, I started weeping. By the time, Poor Sick Queen Aretha came on to belt out 'Amazing Grace', I thought that I would have to blow into a paper bag to prevent Hyperventilating with Grief.
Apparently, Oprah coined the phrase, 'The Ugly Cry', which is the cry you have when you are Seriously Boo-Hooing. I must say that I was shocked by my reaction, as I usually only indulge in a Dainty Cry which merely involves silent tears mixed with a mild frown. Perhaps some red blotches. A Slight down turned mouth in extreme circumstances.
Hopefully, an Ugly Cry is Youth Regenerating. If it is, I'd certainly indulge in it more often. In fact, it could become part of my Beauty Regimen.

But my favourite part of the finale was a segment featuring a young female high school teacher in her classroom. She told us that she'd used Oprah's shows countless times over the years with her students to teach such diverse topics as The Civil Rights Movement, Terrorism, How to Keep a Gratitude Journal, High School Shootings & How to Ensure Your Poop is 'S 'Shaped (or is it 'L' shaped?) I have never taught any of those topics . But I did suddenly remember what I use from Oprah.
It was the idea of Your Best Self.
Some years ago, I had an lack lustre Year Nine Class. They were surly, lazy & charmless. They resented picking up a pen. When I suggested that we read 'Romeo & Juliet', they would ask, 'Can't we just watch the movie?' I dreaded going to class.
Then one day I walked in & calmly said that I wanted everyone to be 'Your Best Selves, you know, like in 'Oprah'.
A strange thing happened. Just about everyone stopped lying all over their desks. They sat up, spines straight as a ramrod. They opened their books. I smiled & instructed them to turn to The Balcony Scene.
I've used 'Best Self' many many times since then & it's amazing. It works every time. Even on me. You know they say that We Teach Best What We Need to Learn Most.

The Inner Wolf.
Look look above. Unlike its author, this post has a mind of its own. It won't let me type under the drawing of a wolf. And I'm too fearful to delete that annoying 'T' that's next to the photo of me in a Real not Fake 'Calvin Klein' dress in case it deletes the photo as well.
Anyway, I wanted to show you the Wolf. I drew it on the whiteboard this week after faithfully reproducing it from a picture on Google Images. I made everyone copy it into their books because we're studying a novel called 'Wolf'.
What more of an excuse do you need to draw a Wolf than that?
After the girls had finished copying it, I walked around & looked at their work. To my mild surprise, No One Wolf was alike. Everyone had unwittingly drawn themselves as a Wolf.
I'm not sure what the point of this story is, or if in fact there needs to be A Point. Perhaps I could conclude that we all have an Inner Wolf inside that is just like us but Hairy.
OH, I just remembered that book from the Nineties - Women Who Run With the Wolves. I wonder if you remember it?
I think it re-interpreted fairy tales so that the Females in them could all come out looking kind of Brave & Warrior-Like. And possibly showing how much they were done over by Men. But I'm not too sure about it. All I know is that I rather liked the idea of running with Wolves as long as they didn't eat me.

It's Always Fun Until Someone Loses An Eye.
Thankfully, the Blog Post is now allowing me to type between the last two photos. Thank You Blogger. If I had a gratitude journal, I would definitely include this in it.
I'm desperate to finish & get back to the TV. I must must find out what Sharon Stone said about Joan Rivers. And what the panel thought about Snooki's neck brace & matching Hairy Mammoth Boots.
Click on the link & have a look yourself.
But before I go, have a look at my Jewels from last week. In the photo above, I'm wearing a mess of cream bangles with text all over them that says things like 'Find Your Passion'. You can hardly see them so I urge you to double click on the image for a better look. I promise you won't be disappointed.

I'm not so sure about the jewels, below. They could be a little Too Violent & Unsettling. But I did enjoy wearing them & particularly loved entwining the glomesh snake around the spikes of the bangle. Oh, you'll be relieved to note that I didn't poke my eye out or injure myself in any way when wearing them.

The Best Little Market Stall Not in Texas.

2011-05-23T22:07:00.000+10:00

Hello & Welcome to Me.
I'm slightly disappointed with this greeting because I've used it before & I like to think that I can come up with a Different Greeting every time. Sadly, it appears that I can't, so I'll just have to press on regardless.

Today's topic is: The Best Little Market Stall Not in Texas. For some reason I again feel Slightly Disappointed that I didn't give you any advance notice that it was on. It would have been such fun to have slowly built up the excitement over a period of weeks, or perhaps even months so that you'd be Quivering with Anticipation (to quote 'Rocky Horror Picture Show') to hear a Blow-by-Blow Description of The Stall & be walked through the Inevitable Cavalcade of Photos.
So, let's cut to the chase & get down to business & any other Cliche that I can think of while we're at it.
Look above. You can see that I shared the stall (actually it was 3 stalls) with The Ex-School Nurse & her daughter Guinevere. Here is Mother & Daughter below wearing french stripes. I feel that they were both channelling Emanuelle Alt or whatever her name is from 'French Vogue'. I, on the other hand was channelling Sharon Stone in the movie Casino.

ATTENTION: I just unwittingly deleted the photo of Guinevere & The Ex-School Nurse that was meant to go HERE. I'm now more than Mildly Irritated but far too tired to put it back in. Anyway, I wouldn't know how to position it back in its rightful place. So, just imagine a stylish mother & daughter happily smiling at the camera both wearing French style striped tops.

We always choose to go the same market. Rozelle Market. I think it's the best market in Sydney. Of course I've formed this opinion without bothering to attend any other market, so I guess you can say that this is an Uniformed Decision. But then, so many of my decisions (& perhaps yours too) are Uniformed.
One of my Lesser Life Rules is to Never Bother Researching Anything. It saves loads of time & you have the thrill & excitement of never knowing how anything is going to turn out until it's over.
Market Gripes
But maybe, just this once, we should have investigated some other markets perhaps in more Upmarket Areas because one thing that really got up my goat was The Haggling. And the pointing out of a nasty stain on a skirt, or that the inside of a handbag smelt of mould. Or the fact that a pair of leather boots with a $5 price tag would need at least fifteen bucks worth of re-heeling. Quelle Horreur!
And why don't people buy Brown Clothes? I had one Perfectly Wonderful brown 'Kate Sylvester' dress & one Perfectly Reasonable 'Zara Basic' brown dress that perhaps two hundred women picked up during the course of the day. Some of them inquired the price. And all of them put the dresses down after a closer inspection. If you are one of those people who Eschew Brown, you honestly don't know what you're missing.

In spite of the above, we had a great day. And lots of colourful customers. Like the lady above who wore a large Kimono with a Wild Goose or a Turkey in full flight on the back. Maybe it was a Swan. She had on these amazing shoes that were full of Deliberate Holes & seemed to be made from a fibre that Astronauts might wear on an important Space Mission. The Ex-School Nurse recognised the shoes as soon as she clapped eyes on them & became excited. And I think she declared that she wanted some.
Of course, I was in Two Minds as I'm now a Total Convert to High Heels. But I'd be interested if they make a Stiletto Version.

I was thrilled that the same lady whose name I now can't remember generously submitted her hands for a photo. I just loved her collection of Blue Rings, particularly the luminous Blue Watch Ring.

This young lady caught my eye. I loved everything about her look including a little gold stud (or was it a diamond?) that was positioned in the middle of one of her front teeth.

Christina, is an artist & a filmaker, who literally glowed. Guinevere caught a glimpse of her elaborate Headpiece & pointed her out to me as a possible subject. I chased after her & breathlessly asked to take her photo & she graciously accepted. In fact, everyone I asked this time accepted. Thank you.
I would like to wear Elaborate Headpieces myself, but I fear that they might interfere with The Slightly Slutty look I'm currently going for. Besides, I feel that Headwear accentuates my nose & makes me look a little Canary-like, but Not Toucan-like.

I've always admired The Alice Band. Years ago, I made a number of fruitless attempts at wearing them. But they always slid down my skull. But this lady, who owns 'Recycled Rags' in Neutral Bay, wears it perfectly. The wonderful blue necklace that looks like Prehistoric Rocks from perhaps The Neon Age create a dramatic effect with the Red lipstick. That's another thing that I can't wear. Red Lipstick. But I intensely admire it on others.
In fact, you know how I'd ideally like to look?
Like Dusty Springfield in the Sixties. Acres of Aeronautically Designed Bleached Blonde Ringlets, false eyelashes, black eyeliner & pale lipstick. What a knockout.

I'm getting near the end & of course I'm getting a Bit Tired. I'm desperate to get into bed & listen to Olivia Newton John singing 'Phenomenal Woman' on my iPod. It's my new favourite song. The lyrics are from the poem, 'Phenomenal Woman' by Maya Angelou.
So, I'll now write in Point Form:
* Loved the Slightly 'Flintstones' Look of the beautiful girl above.
* Had a great time.
* Sold lots, although not everything.
* Bought dress, below from Ex-School Nurse.
* Desperate to wear it.
* Didn't wear heels to market. Had to Be Sensible.
*Still had sore feet at the end of the day.

I Didn't Mean To Hurt You, I'm Just a Left Handed Woman

2011-05-16T18:53:00.000+10:00

Hello O Reader.
I feel somewhat tentative because I offended Someone & had to delete the post that featured them.
They said that what I said about them was Defamatory & that I must come home at nite & down a few glasses of wine & then start writing the blog.
I was shocked & mortified. I quaked in my boots. I protested loudly that I Don't Drink & Blog. And, I felt stupid that I didn't really fully understand the Defamation Laws.
One good thing, though. I now understand how a Celebrity feels when they say or do Something Inappropriate & people get mad at them & then accuse them of Substance Abuse. I could just see myself being photographed entering the courthouse for the Great Defamation Trial wearing a Slightly Slutty Dress not unlike the one that Lindsay Lohan wore for her recent trial.
But you'll be pleased to know that this Whole Awful Experience has not deterred me from putting people on the blog. See how I've put my friend The Ex-School Nurse on it? Here she is outside a v. interesting shop in Waterloo that we visited on Saturday as part of a Massive Shopping Odyssey.
Have you noticed how popular The Union Jack is as a Design Statement? It's almost as ubiquitous as 'Keep Calm & Carry On'. And Burberry Patterns. I'm sure it's a Worldwide phenomenon. Next time you venture outdoors, look around you. I'm sure wherever you are, even if you are in Alice Springs, there's bound to be someone who has a little Bit of Burberry peaking out from somewhere on their person. Or they're carrying a Burberry umbrella. Or a handbag.
I could go on & on listing all the products that feature a Burberry pattern & I could even make a guestimate as to the total number of Real & Counterfeit Burberry Patterned Items that are currently in World Usage. But I won't. OK... I'll guess the number: One & a quarter billion. I just know that I'm right.

Oddly enough, I was wearing Toy Burberry on saturday, along with a 'Jaegar' pure wool cardigan with Patrician gold buttons that belongs to the 'Aileen' part of my wardrobe, named after recently deceased 97 year old Aileen, whose clothes & 'Ferragamo' bag I currently have on High Rotation.
You may notice that my Top & Bottom are Incongruous: The Top part of me looks like Polo (the game, not the brand) Matron, 1985 & the Bottom Half looks Punk Rocker Wannabe 1985. Note the curious zipper at the bottom of my footless tights. BTW, I'm now wearing high heels as often as I can. So far, I can still Walk. Or more accurately, Totter. Or Teeter.

On Saturday, we also visited 'Extinct', the perhaps Seconds Shop of 'Dinosaur Designs'. I am in love with the colours & made a mental note to stop wearing so much black.After all, my current Fashion Crush is Anna Della Russo who looks like a Male Peacock at all times, even straight after breakfast.
As I look down at what I'm currently wearing, most of it is black, although I've got a silver & black thrifted 'Bluemarine' skirt on which sounds a bit Nightclubby for a Day at School.

Below is Guinevere, who is photographed behind the counter at 'Extinct'. I was totally fascinated by her Japanese Kimono Style which she effortlessly blended with select 'Dinosaur' pieces.

Lastly, we visited 'Tea Parlour', an old fashioned Tea Room in Elizabeth Street Surry Hills.
I thoroughly enjoyed it & feel sad that Rebecca & Darla & Zizzi & Janavi etc can't visit it because I'm sure they'd appreciate the ambience as well as the Magnificent Quince tea that was served to us in a v. grand silver teapot.
I am constantly amazed at how smells & tastes can be transported to candles & tea & soap & bubble gum & lip gloss. I'm still wondering how the hell can you stuff the smell of the Hall of Mirrors at the Palais de Versailles into a little scented candle?

But I digress. Back to the script.
'Tea Parlour' was full of little still lifes. Or is it 'Still Lives'?
Presiding over the Tea Pouring was a gigantic stuffed Male Peacock whose gargantuan plumes enveloped the whole place. Now, that's the second time I've mentioned Male Peacocks in the one post. Clearly, just like Aileen's clothes, they're on High Rotation right now.
But the stand out for me were the little clusters of Faux Fleurs that filled every orifice - from empty bottles of 'Veuve Cliquot' to beer bottles to Retro Enamel kettles to grand silver chalices. Seriously, they totally looked like Real Fleurs. But Amelia, the gracious proprietor, assured me that they came from Go-Lo, which is incidentally one of my favourite shops. Of course, I went there yesterday & bought a whole mess of them for my own 'Still Lives'.

Time to go, but before I do, please read 'Reader Rita's comment in the previous post about Steamers. It's worth it. Also got to post a pic of me in my DVF Wrap Dress.
Oh......one more thing. I desperately hope I haven't Offended Anyone. If I have, I Sincerely Apologise. And I apologise for all those Careless Throwaway Comments that I've made over the years. I didn't mean it. I'm just a Left Handed Woman.

Meanwhile, In the Hall of Mirrors..

2011-05-07T22:23:00.001+10:00

Watch While I Wrestle a Nasty Boa Constrictor.
It's Saturday Nite & for what seems like hours, I've been Unsatisfactorily Channel Surfing. I'm worn ragged from being tossed from One Lousy Show to the Next.
What, O What, am I doing watching 'I Own Britain's Best Home'?
FYI, each week three Smugly Perky presenters walk us through three British Houses. Like a 300 year old Thatched Cottage with a massive Spa & Home Theatre in the middle of it or a Stately Ancestral home that's drowning in flock wallpaper & pelmets. At the end of the show, viewers get to vote for their favourite house of the week which will compete in the final show of the season with all the other houses that have been voted for.
I sincerely hope I've explained all that to you clearly enough.
At least I'm not like my parents. When they were my age, they were sitting around in their lounge room sipping scotch & sodas, watching 'Wild Kingdom' & listening to Al Martino records.
I wonder if anyone remembers that show & that singer?
I hardly do. But I remember that 'Wild Kingdom' was a sunday nite staple that seemed to go on & on for years & years. Like my Entire Childhood & Adolescence & Early Adulthood. As soon as I'd hear the presenter, Marlin Perkins say off camera, 'Watch while Jim (the other presenter) wrestles with this nasty boa constrictor,' I'd leave the room.
From Beyond the Grave.
I'd do the same when they dragged out the Al Martino records. The only song of his I can remember was Mum's favourite - 'I Love You & Don't You Forget It'. She'd get Dad to play that song over & over. I had completely forgotten it until the other day. I was trying on a fab Diane Von Furstenberg wrap dress in the change room at 'Bednobs' & right at the moment when I looked at myself in the mirror, it came on the radio.
It was just like Mum was there only she wasn't.
I'm not sure if I believe in that sort of thing, although I do know that she would have loved the DVF Wrap Dress. So did I. So I bought it. You'll see it eventually if you bother hanging around long enough. But not until the next post at the v. earliest.
Not a Crime Against Noses.
Anyway, talking of Totally Fab & Wonderful Things, look look look at me above & below, fondling two beautiful gifts that I received from my great friend & colleague, Trixie Drew.
In case you were wondering, they are Both Candles, made by Cire Trudon, a 268 year old Candle Manufacturer who made candles for Marie-Antoinette who, incidentally is not one of my Role Models . Below, I'm holding a plain wax candle made in the shape of M-A. Of course I will never light it. I will just admire it.
But I've certainly lit the other candle. In fact, as I type, my olfactory glands are greedily soaking up the gentle aroma of the wooden floors of the Hall of Mirrors at the Palais de Versailles
I kid you not. Who would have thought you could turn the smell of a room into a scented candle?
And the wonderful thing is, there isn't a hint of vanilla or cinnamon or perhaps pine or even the ocean in it, which I think are the most repellent smells that a scented candle can produce
. In fact, they are all Crimes Against Noses.

BTW, I'm wearing a recently thrifted 'Jaegar' Jacket that sadly is a bit big on the shoulders. Perhaps it is a relic from the eighties. I'm not sure, but I'm determined to wear it. I was sooo thrilled when I noted a new double page ad for 'Jaegar' in a recent UK 'Vogue'. I felt Quietly Reassured that I am part of the Zeitgeist after all.

Crumpled But Never Ruffled.
I've never been An Ironer. My mother simply wouldn't let me. I was left-handed & everything I did looked kind of wrong or Dangerous to her. So I don't iron. This much is obvious in the photo below. I'm synchronistically standing in front of a little drawing I did for my Year 10 class when one student pronounced 'Irony' like Iron with a double 'e' at the end. You may notice that my fab little thrifted 'Scanlan & Theodore' jacket is Badly in Need of an Iron.
Apparently, the new thing is to own a Steamer which has got nothing to do with Vegetables. I was told this morning by the volunteer sales assistant at 'Bednobs' that you can buy them for as little as forty dollars on eBay, but if you buy them anywhere else, they can be over a hundred.
I May, repeat, May consider investing in one.
BTW, no one bothered to mention to me that my jacket was crumpled. I guess everyone I work with or teach is too polite or too bored to tell me.

Maeflower, my beautiful daughter paid me a surprise visit over Easter. She bought me oodles of Easter Eggs & Bunnies, so I didn't have an Eggless Easter after all. As usual, we had a fab time & lots of laughs which is the only way I think that I can respond to my Life right now, or perhaps ever.
She brought her wonderful new camera with her which made my camera look like a toy. We spent an entire day photographing everything in sight, including the view on my rooftop. On the one side is the city, with the Centrepoint Tower in the middle & then there's the Harbour Bridge.
BTW, Maeflower is wearing a splendid dress from 'Tree O' Life'. Her necklace is Nepalese from her recent trip there. Oh, & she's wearing wonderful Italian leather gladiators that I generously donated to her.

Below are three A4-size collages I've just made.

I used to suffer badly from Insomnia. It was a Nightmare.
And now I don't hardly at all.
I was totally gripped with fear when I heard on the news about this man in Italy whose body suddenly decided that it was Done Sleeping. Sadly, he died after about a month. That story motivated me to Get Serious About Sleeping.
And it's kind of Paid off.

Above, a Homage to Michael Jackson.

Above, my contribution to the Latest Scientific Theory.

Lastly, here's a couple of Weekend Outfits. Above is my 'Inspector Gadget' look. I'm wearing it with thermal footless tights in my favourite animal print bought last year at 'Target'. Thrifted 'Bruno Maglis' & some cheap No Name Scarf.
Below is a 'Corporate Lumberjack' look. I've always been a sucker for cozy plaid flannelette, even though it has Bogan Overtones. The Business Jacket is by 'H&M'. We don't have 'H&M' in Australia & we've only just got our first 'Zara'. Big Whoop. But of course it's all thrifted anyway. Oh, & I've got a rather strange brooch on featuring a bejewelled plastic peacock which rather looks like a dinosaur.
Totally past My Official Weekend Bedtime.

Setting The World on Fire

2011-04-30T22:56:00.000+10:00

Hello & welcome to My Own V. Special Royal Wedding.
It's now a full twenty-four hours after William & Catherine exchanged vows, but I'm still inside Westminster Abbey with the other 1900 guests, a thousand of whom are wearing giant Philip Treacy hats that look like 3D diagrams of the human intestinal system.
As I type, I'm watching the 'E!' News coverage of the wedding which I taped last nite but didn't see at the time because I was far too busy watching the entire BBC live coverage. I'm nothing if not a Traditionalist.
Of course, all of this is just a warm up for Fashion Police's Royal Wedding Special which goes to air in about two hours Sydney time. I wonder if Joan is going to Crown any of the guests, or perhaps even a member of the Wedding Party, the 'Fashhole of the Royal Wedding' ? Would she dare be soo blasphemous, I wonder?

I hope she is. I've had an absolute gutload of all the fawning commentary that I've been hearing, not just over the past day, but from all the dreary documentaries about the Wedding that I've been forcing myself to watch over the past couple of weeks. I had to watch them all because I wasn't sufficiently revved up for The Big Day. I absolutely needed to know more about the Happy Couple & The Middleton Family.
During the course of about ten documentaries, I learned that:
1.Carol, the bride's mum, ostentatiously chewed gum at William's graduation parade & that Everyone was Appalled.
2. Kate was going to do her own make up on the big day because she wanted her husband-to-be to recognise her at the altar.
3. They broke up for a few short months in 2007 & Kate spent the whole time ostentatiously whooping it up at nightclubs wearing slightly raunchier- than- normal outfits that revealed a new dedication to Spray Tanning.
Perhaps I should start Spray Tanning. I know they do them at 'The Waxing Diva's', where I go to have my eyebrows done. But it sounds a little bit grubby because whilst in the salon, I've overheard the spray tanners tell their subjects that they can't take a shower or even get a drop of water on their tanned bodies for absolutely ages after the tanning or it will wash off.

The Bridal Gown

Sadly, I'm not modelling Kate's bridal gown which I was v. relieved to know was by Sarah Burton from Alexander McQueen.
No, I'm modelling my own from 1978. I dragged it out of My Archival Camphor Chest just to model it for you. I was v. irritated to discover that, try as I might, I was totally unable to do up the zip. Actually, the zip was already broken, which was obviously caused by my trying to squeeze myself into it on previous occasions. In fact, the last time I wore it was at a dinner I hosted for the wedding of Charles & Diana.
That was a raucous nite. So raucous, that I spilled some red wine down the front of the gown. It's almost, but not quite, worth it, to double click on the photo to see the stain.
One good thing, though, about me now not fitting into my Wedding Dress, is that it proves that back then I must have been almost as thin as Kate is now. How wonderful.
But Not So Wonderful was that at the time I thought I was Slightly Porky. What a waste of Slimness.

Because I couldn't do up the zip, you can't really see the Intended Effect of the Dress. FYI, it was called a 'Scarlett O'Hara' dress (but perhaps it was just me that called it that) because it was off the shoulder & looked a bit like Scarlett before the rot set in. I remember some months after the wedding My Mother telling some Bored Shopkeeper how perfectly wonderful I looked in the dress from behind standing at the altar. And how my Blonde Pageboy Hair was like a Halo. I'm sure Carol felt as proud of Kate as My Mum did.

It's nearly time for The Fashion Police Wedding Special. But before I go I must share a little vignette from this morning:
As I do every saturday morning, I visited 'BednobsEtc', my favourite conveniently located charity shop. As usual, the place was bursting at the seams with avid shoppers. But no one was looking at the racks of clothes today. Everyone was talking to each other about the wedding. The only person who hadn't seen it was the volunteer sales assistant who felt so out of the loop that she had her iPhone out googling all the wedding pictures so she could follow the conversation.
Predictably, everyone loved Kate's dress, although one elderly fashion commentator said that she thought it was a shame that Kate's hair was a Bit Flat. She thought it should have risen like a modest souffle above the tiara. I agreed with her. Some deliciously nasty comments were made about two young members of the Royal Family who looked like they'd just come from playing The Ugly Sisters in a 'Cinderella on Ice' Pantomime. And then of course, there were the usual questions asked about Prince Harry's Paternity. And about how come Julia Gillard, our Prime Minister bought her hat at the last minute at a department store & didn't bother showcasing an Australian designer? Someone said she just doesn't care about how she looks.

But my almost, but not quite, favourite part of the Whole Show came when the Archbishop of Canterbury, or whoever he was, began his sermon with with words of St. Catherine of Siena, who said in the fourteenth century, 'Be who God intended you to be & you will set the World on Fire'.
How gutsy & vibrant & fabulous I thought, particularly after I googled St. Cath. of S & checked that she wasn't in fact, the St. Catherine who was burned at the stake & who the popular firecracker, 'Catherine Wheel' is named after.

Oh, one more thing, I cried: 1. Every time I saw the Household Cavalry. I don't know what it is about Me & Horses that makes me cry.
2. When I saw people wearing Union Jacks in the street heartily singing 'Jerusalem'.
3. When they showed the Queen during 'God Save the Queen'.

In the Blogosphere No One Can Actually Hear You Scream

2011-04-15T21:52:00.000+10:00

OMG.
How, Dear Reader (assuming there is a Dear Reader out there), could I leave it that long?
I just did. But you'll be relieved to know that I've got Good excuses handy:

Excuse #1. One evening, my Home Computer made an innocuous little click & then stopped. I sat in front of the screen desperately clinging on to the keypad pleading with it to 'Stay Alive.' Like it was the most heart rending (is that really how you spell it? Perhaps it should be 'Heart Rendering'?) scene between A Woman & Her Computer of all time.
I gave it all my energy & still it came up blank. A Metaphor for my life, really.
Of course I took it Personally. I take everything personally. How could My Computer abandon me like this, I wailed to the Universe.
Three weeks passed. Immobilized by grief, I did nothing.
Today, the Fifth day of my Easter Two-Week Holiday, the Veil Lifted. I made an appointment at The Apple Store for tomorrow. Perhaps it can be resusitated. Perhaps not.
In the meantime, I'm using my School Lap Top. It feels like it belongs in a Museum. And it also knows that I Don't Like It. I know that sounds silly, but I have a belief that if a computer feels even the slightest aggression from its user, it picks it up & Behaves Badly. But that's a whole other story.

Excuse #2: Death.
Yes, that's right. Death. But don't think that it was Me that Died & that's the reason why I haven't been posting, & that this post is kind of like 'A Lovely Bones' type entry, Absolutely Not.
No, it was Aileen, the almost 98 year old who I'm photographed with above. The photo was taken a couple of years ago, when we were off to see the musical, 'Chicago' which I loathed & Aileen couldn't hear properly. Note she is wearing a smart little crepe jacket & an angora beret with a Ferragamo bag slung around her shoulder.
I now own the jacket & the bag, along with a whole swag of other choice items of Aileen's, all bought by her over the years at her local St. Vincent de Paul Charity Shop.

Here's Aileen when she was a Mere Slip O'er A Girl.

And here I am at the Cemetery with MBFF Marge, Aileen's daughter, who now lives in Thousand Oaks, California & my beautiful daughter, Maeflower. FYI, I'm wearing another of Aileen's jackets which is v. On-Trend at the moment. Lace.
I know that we, well, I, Lack Gravitas in the photo, which is perhaps the preferred look one should adopt Graveside. But it had been a Stressful Morning partly because the Priest, who Marge had originally thought was Fabulously Spiritual & seemed to have an Inner Knowing about The Afterlife, turned out to be in the Early to Mid Stages of Alzheimer's Disease. Throughout the Requieum Mass, Father Pothole kept on calling Aileen, 'Our Sister, Eileen' & then he stuck to his old version of the mass, ignoring all the Special Prayers thanking Hospital Staff & Carers that had been carefully printed in the Mass Booklet.
But the worst part was his Sermon. His topic was the life of Edith Stein, a Jewish Girl who converted to Catholicism & became a Carmelite Nun & then died in Auschwitz. Apart from the fact that both Aileen & Edith were Now Dead, there was absolutely nothing to link them. Aileen had never been Jewish, showed no interest in entering the Convent & even though she was alive during The Holocaust, she thankfully lived in another part of the world & so missed out on it. But Father Pothole did his best.
And then he got stuck in a kind of Time Loop & took ages to get out of it. He would say in a lilting tone, 'Today we feel the loss....' with a downward inflection on the word, 'loss' & then he'd finish the sentence with .....'but we feel the Hope', with an Upward Inflection on the word, 'Hope'. He must have said it at least eight times. In fact I know he did because I counted.
He did it again Graveside. He got stuck on the words, 'And May Perpetual Light shine upon her' & just couldn't stop saying it.
By this stage, I was ready to shove him down the big hole that the gravediggers had freshly dug & into the coffin. But I resisted the urge.

Here's Maeflower before the Mass. I thought she looked spectacular, wearing a gorgeous little beaded tunic from 'Urban Outfitters' Online Store which she paired with a pashmina from her recent trip to Nepal with 'Habitat'. Black tights & black suede wedge heels injected a Touch of Mourning.

Here's Some Holiday Outfits. I seem to have Slightly Changed My Look. I wonder if you can notice?
I'm wearing a shirt from 'The Aileen Collection', a thrifted skirt I've had for years but I seem to be inextricably attracted to, DKNY slingbacks, also thrifted & a big Fake Piece of Twisted Bling.

Part of the Changed Look is 1. Jackets, 2. Heels. 3. Big oversized rings. 4. Animal Prints. 5. Navy.
I totally love Navy now, even though my Poor Dead Mother always thought that Navy made me look, 'refined & nice'. Who wants to look like that when you're sixteen?
Come to think of it, who wants to look like that at 58? Not me.
But I am trying to come up with ways to make Navy look Slightly Slutty.

This shirt has Ruffles on the neck & on the sleeves. A slight Elizabethan Note. I can't really do up the buttons properly so I'm not doing them up at all.

I do like my new 'Benetton' pure light wool jacket I bought from 'BednobsEtc' for five bucks. In fact, I've got a whole swag of jackets from them which is soooo timely because this week George Kotsiopolous from 'Fashion Police' drooled over Eva Longoria wearing a pair of shorts & a jacket & said that she was 'sooo On Trend' because Menswear is really really big right now. What a shame I can't wear shorts.

The Time Loop

2011-03-17T18:01:00.000+11:00

I've always been A Stickler for Correctness. It's The Martinet side of my personality.

Anyway, I need to correct a Technical Term from yesterday's entry where I walked you through a 'Star Trek' episode I've never seen. At the time of writing, I said that the inhabitants of the Starship 'Enterprise' were stuck in a Time Warp.
I was wrong. Of course, The Time Warp belongs to 'The Rocky Horror Picture Show'.
The correct term is, 'Time Loop'.
Thank you, dear friend & colleague, Trixie Drew who made the distinction this morning after I arrived at my desk in the staffroom. During our conversation, Trixie also revealed that there was also a Seminal 'Dr Who' episode, starring Tom Baker with the same plot. Clearly, The Time Loop is popular in Sci-Fi Shows.
I hope that this doesn't mean that my life is becoming a Si-Fi TV Series.
Perhaps it's always been one & I hadn't noticed.
I must start thinking of a Suitable Title.
' My Favourite Martinet'?

Not twenty minutes ago, I came breathlessly back from 'Boot Camp'. My brain, revived from gruelling sets of boxing & running up a hill that felt like I was running up The Great Wall of China which I believe is v.v. steep as well as one-handed push-ups (admittedly on my knees) , went immediately into overdrive. In a twinkling, I opened my web browser & discovered the exact name of the Star Trek Episode: Episode 18, 'Cause & Effect'. And to my great delite I discovered that Kelsey Grammar-School guest starred in the episode. You can see him in the picture above looking like he's about to offer Captain Picard a plate of scones. I'm standing behind looking like The Perfect Martinet.
Talk about a Time Loop

Every Day I Slay The Jabberwocky

2011-03-16T21:51:00.000+11:00

Hello, Dear Reader & Welcome to Autumnal Autumn. Or perhaps you may prefer to call it 'Fall'.
Of course it certainly doesn't feel like it. More like Sticky Summer.

I hate to admit that I'm feeling Slightly Guilty for not blogging much lately. And, I failed to meet the Deadline to submit my regular column in 'Flowers & Sunshine', The School Newspaper.
Of course I've got a Raft of Excuses which I'm just aching to wheel out but I won't because I'm determined to stick to my Favourite Dictum , 'Never Explain, Never Defend'. Actually, it's my Second Favourite dictum after , 'A Girl Should Always be two things- Classy & Fabulous'.

Lately I've been feeling like everyday I have to get up & Slay the Jabberwocky.
And everyday I'm in 'Groundhog Day' or maybe an episode of 'Star Trek' where, even though I slayed the Jabberwocky yesterday, I've got to do it again today. And the next day. And the day after that.
You may be intrigued by my reference to 'Star Trek'. It may have even crossed your mind that I could be a 'Trekkie'. Sadly, I'm not. In fact, I don't think I've ever watched an entire episode or even a half a one in my life. But I did recently hear of an episode that I would love to watch if I had the chance.

The Starship 'Enterprise' or whatever, was inexplicably caught in some kind of Time Trap or perhaps Warp. I don't know the Technical Term. They'd reach a certain distance & then they'd be blown up by a Death Star or Darth Vader or Whatever .
Then they'd be chugging along again through Space, minding their own business, & then they'd be blown up all over again .
And then they'd be tootling along again & guess what happens? Yes, that's right. They get blown up.
Finally, they realise that they're Stuck.
So, before they get blown up the next time, they watch what's happening closely & then change whatever they were doing which enables them to change course & avoid being blown up.

Be grateful that I don't wheel out 'The Art of War'.

I was never really attracted to 'Star Trek' because I didn't admire The Outfits. They looked like Fire Traps. And I thought they made William Shatner look like a Nancy Boy. And Poor Leonard Nimoy & Those Vile Ears. Although I did think that they went well with the name 'Nimoy'.

Talking of Ears, Note mine in the photo above. My poor lobes were visibly aching under the strain of the gigantic Red Chandelier earrings that I insisted on wearing one day last week. Note too, that I'm wearing two different red dresses on two consecutive days. And neither of them look like an outfit from 'Star Trek'.

The Magic Coach.
Here I am today in my 'Camelot' Outfit holding up a Birthday Present from MBFF Marge from California.
It's a Real, not Toy 'Coach' Bag bought on sale at Macy's in 'The Oaks' Mall, Thousand Oaks. I was totally thrilled that she got it on sale because I love a sale more than anything & it felt like we both got a gift on my birthday - Marge saved some money & I got a Bag of My Dreams. I'm determined to wear Autumnal Shades for at least the next week just so I can use the bag.
A Nasty Nun Tale.
It was my birthday yesterday. I've always loathed my birthday. Each year I'm reminded of a v. unpleasant incident which occurred on my Fifth Birthday. I was in kindergarten. I was taught by a Repellent & Insensitive Sister of Mercy named Sister Rosalia.
Anyway, I cried. God knows why. Possibly Existential Ennui. Sister Rosalia told me that if you cry on your birthday, you cry all the year round. I toyed with the idea of believing her.
This is the same nun who advised everyone in kindergarten whose home was fitted with a gas stove, to go home that afternoon & turn on one of the elements on the stove & briefly put their finger in the flame. That would give them some idea of what hell was like. Only that Hell would be putting your whole body under the gas flame forever.
Luckily we had an electric stove.

But then today I found these shoes at my favourite thrift shop, 'BednobsEtc'. They were a steal at twelve bucks. Even though they're probably a size too small, I couldn't resist them. Luckily, I have a Relaxed Attitude towards shoe sizes.
Why couldn't I resist them, you may ask?
1. The Brand Name: 'Gossip Girl The TV Series'. At last I'll be like a Senior Blake Lively.
2. I love that style. It's soo 'It Girl'. Or perhaps, It Girl two seasons ago in 'Gossip Girl'. But that's the price you pay for only buying at thrift stores. You're nearly always sooo last season. Or the season before that etc.
3. I love a challenge. How the hell am I going to teeter down the hill in them, I wonder?

Here's me in yet another dress that The Ex-School Nurse gave me. In fact, she gave it to me some time ago but I've hardly worn it. You can see that I've Chaneled -It -Up by wearing a linen camellia given to me by Tyler for Xmas. Also, I'm still persisting with Sockettes. Sadly, they didn't protect me from Those Wicked Red Shoes. By the end of the day I thought I would have to have my heel amputated because they gave me a v. nasty blister on my right heel.
Incidentally, did you know that God Never Gives You Any More Shoes Than You Can Handle?

Remember my Sunday Nite 'Mad Men' dinners? I'm still having them nearly every sunday even though we haven't got any more 'MM' to watch because Season 5 wasn't or isn't being made for some hateful humbuggery reason.
Anyway, last sunday was my 'No Mad Men Sunday Nite Birthday Dinner'. The usual attendees attended. We watched 'Fashion Police' instead.
Going to Get Great Guns.
Here I am with AJ who presented me with an entire set of Dumbells as a birthday gift. I was Dumbstruck. AJ knows of my devotion to 'Boot Camp', in fact she attended a number of boot camp sessions in their early days. And, she knows of my fervent desire to Get Guns, which I believe is the Technical Term for Muscly Arms like Cameron Diaz. Have you seen her arms lately? They're like Madonna's only without the veins.

Tyler & Hunter presented me with beautiful white roses. I was thrilled.
And Darleen & Carleen gave me a stainless steel kitchen bin that Carleen found in her apartment building's garbage room, a stainless steel lemon squeezer that she obviously bought new & a black sweatband just like the one that Olivia Newton-John wore in 1980 in her 'Physical' video clip.
This was the Perfect Combination of gift for me because not only do I love a bargain, but I also love discarded useful items that are found in the street or in the recycling bin. And I desperately need kitchen utensils because I don't have hardly any & this annoys Maeflower, my daughter when she comes to cook in my kitchen.
I must hop into bed.

The Magical Diane Freis Dress

2011-03-07T22:14:00.000+11:00

Hello, dear Reader.
Obviously I went to work today. I had to go because I was Busting to wear the fab 'Diane Freis' dress that The Ex-School Nurse, pictured above, presented me with last saturday over lattes at 'Dov'.
I couldn't believe the powerful therapeutic power that this dressed held, or is it, 'holds'?
As soon as I put it on, all my hideous cold symptoms magically vanished. All except the croak which I didn't mind having because I think it makes me sound like A Temptress.
A Brief Segue
I must say that my grammar is getting worse. And I seem to be losing confidence, particularly around The Apostrophe.
And and, my spelling is shot to pieces. Girls are constantly correcting my spelling on the whiteboard. Of course, I'm v. gracious about it at the time, but inside I'm quaking. It will only be a matter of time before Parental Complaints start rolling in.
Of course, I totally blame all this on my Grammar Nazi Colleagues. They're always at the ready, invisible red pens quivering in anticipation, to jump on any infraction, no matter how tiny.

Back to the Diane Freis Dress. Although I would much rather call it 'Diane Fries'.
When I arrived at school this morning, I immediately walked into The Staff Lounge. I was greeted by Imelda, a middleagedgeographyteacher who promptly identified the brand of the dress. It rolled off her tongue just as easily as if she were identifying an Igneous Rock. I was shocked. Were Diane Freis' dresses (hope I used The Apostrophe correctly then) that common, I wondered?
Yes they were, as it turned out. Some years ago Imelda's Mum volunteered at a local charity shoppe in The Southern Highlands, a slightly toffee-nosed in a good way semi-rural area a small distance from Sydney. Apparently, the shoppe was always full of them even though they cost hundreds of dollars & you could tie them in a knot & throw them in the washing machine & they'd bounce back to their original shape. You'd have to say that that was Magic, wouldn't you?

Anyway, I totally enjoyed wearing Diane Freis today. And I totally enjoyed pairing it with my thrifted Court Jester strappy heels & my Fluro Swan pendant from the 'Dinosaur Designs' warehouse sale.
In fact, I enjoyed wearing it so much, that I'd like to wear it again tomorrow.

The Cold that Ate Paris

2011-03-06T20:53:00.000+11:00

WARNING WARNING: Description of Hideous Symptoms below. Absolutely Not For the Faint-Hearted.
Hello, Dear Friend & Welcome to My Sick Bed.
Yes, I have a Bad Cold which includes a Range of Predictable & Highly Annoying Symptoms - A runny nose, nasty phlegm in different sickening hues, ears that feel something dreadful has happened to them &amp, ; the inevitable slow creeping of the cold into The Lungs. There is also a constant feeling of having my v. narrow nose pinched as well as a dull headache at the back of my head, a condition that always makes me feel like I might be growing a Brain Tumour.
Oh, & I've been reduced to a croak which is the nicest of all my symptoms. I enjoy the novelty of a croaky voice & can almost convince myself that I sound like Lauren Bacall or Kathleen Turner.

I've had The Cold now for nearly a week & there's no sign of an abatement, even though I've talked to it nicely, told it that it's made its point & kindly asked it to leave.
But it won't.
Today was my first Official Day in Bed. All the other days I've been ignoring it because I read somewhere that Bed Rest isn't really necessary. I know that sounds almost Blasphemous. But apparently, a Cold decides how long its going to stay regardless of how long you linger in bed.
I do feel a bit like a Martyr, but Certainly Not a Victim, heaven forbid.

It's now 7.45 pm. I've just shovelled in two steaming bowls of chicken soup featuring corn that I elegantly sheared off a cob & an avocado that I sliced & placed on the top.
Avocado is my favourite food. I eat it with everything. I particularly enjoy sliced avocado on top of soup because it cools it down slightly. Oh, FYI, I made the soup from scratch. I got out of bed & struggled down to 'Harris Farm Potts Point' Market & bought everything:
1. free range chicken thigh fillets. Tender, Juicy, succulent.
2. Continental Brand Powdered Chicken Stock, my all-time favourite Ingredient. I totally recommend it. My daughter Maeflower recently informed me that research has found that MSG is not as bad as all that & in fact, may be good for you. What a relief. Not that I particularly care too much about things that I really love being bad for you. Like coffee.
I must stop this Food Rambling. I'm sure it's the effects of The Aspirin, my favourite drug.

Look look look at me, above taken last sunday in Glebe Park in Canberra when I was visiting Maeflower.
That was Before the Cold. Note my Joie de Vivre. Note also my constant use of incorrectly spelled French words & phrases. Perhaps if I keep saying them, I might get to Paris one day.
Now that's the Aspirin Talking.
Maeflower created a Bone of Contention by informing me that Middleagedwomen needed to be v. careful wearing a Jean Jacket because certain JJ's do tend towards Boxiness which can create a kind of a top half of a fridge look, if that makes sense. . But she assured me that this particular thrifted 'Gap' JJ didn't commit that sin. What a relief for us all!
Note I'm carrying a shopping bag that I bought for $2 at 'Typo', a mall store that sells lots of things featuring letters. The bag a rip off from the sadly overused, but still charming, 'Keep Calm & Carry On' poster that last year spread like a Nasty Cold Virus throughout the world.
In case you can't make out the text, it says, 'Keep calm & Carry On Shopping', a sentiment that I totally agree with. Note also, I'm wearing a little diamante encrusted 'Le Tour Eiffel' pendant. There's definitely a theme happening.

Here's my torso taken just when The Cold made its first appearance.
I'm wearing a homemade necklace that I made last year. I must must must make more necklaces. If only that had been one of my New Year Resolutions, I might have actually made some this year.
Still, it's only early March.
I can't really be bothered walking you through the necklace. I'm sure you can see the 'Double C' emblem on it, so you'll know who I'm channelling.

Here's the Rest of Me in a pose reminiscent of a Trussed Chicken. I'm not sure if that's the right term.
Note the Joan Crawford High Notes with the Shoulder Pads & note my ever-so-slightly tanned legs, courtesy of 'Dove' Summer Glow.

Can you see that I'm starting to look a Little Wan by Thursday's Wardrobe photo?
What a total shame that you can't really see the two necklaces that I put together. I spent the day in a lather of self-congratulation at how clever I was. Sadly, you can't really see them. It just looks like a Mass of Black.

By Friday, I'm definitely looking Sick. In fact, I'm pointing my toe in an effort to attract attention to the bottom part of me rather than the cold-infested top part of me.
But I do like this outfit, even though it's a Bit Caze (short for casual) for the classroom. And also a little bit short for a Middleagedteacher. Fortunately, no one appeared to notice, including the School Principal who I had a long conversation with at Morning Tea, or more accurately, 'Recess'. I found myself urging her to stop wasting her time taking long strenuous walks & instead take up running & weights. She looked at me in horror.

Can't believe how much black I've been wearing. It must be The Cold.
Here's me in my Favourite Under-rated Colour, Brown. I do recommend wearing brown, particularly if you are blonde.

It's now 8.20 pm. A New 'Miss Marple' is about to start. I'm bristling with excitement even though I know it won't be that good.
But before I go, I will leave you, Dear Reader with a quote from Helen Gurley Brown. I found her book, 'I'm Wild Again' in the One Dollar Bin at 'Bednobs Etc'.
I wonder if she is still with us? The photo on the front cover makes her look like she's dead & doesn't know it. Perhaps that's Unnecessarily Cruel.
Anyway, here's what Helen says under the heading of 'Awful Women':
'What comes up & grabs me sometimes and chokes the breath away like a mongoose with its jaws around a cobra, is the realisation of how totally terrible women are.'
No wonder it was a dollar.
Sadly, haven't got time to mention The Oscar Red Carpet. Perhaps the only outfit I would wear was what Cate Blanchett wore - do Google it if you don't know what I am talking about. I promise you it will be Almost Worth It.
One last Slightly Exciting Thing- The Ex-School Nurse has given me a real 'Diane Fries' (surely its not really spelt like that. It sounds like it should be on the menu at McDonald's.) Dress. Remember them from the eighties? I'm wearing it tomorrow. That is, if I can get out of bed.
Can't wait.

The Fashionable Classroom

2011-02-19T22:01:00.000+11:00

Hello & Welcome to My Fashionable Classroom.
Above, Dear Reader is a wonderful line-up of the Class of 2010's Top Achievers.
Three of them were my students, but sadly I can't take any of the credit, although of course I'd love to.

Here they were last thursday just after a special assembly at school where we honoured them & others.
On the far left is Madeline, who was My Official Wardrobe Diary Classroom Photographer for two years. Sadly, I'm struggling as we speak, to replace her. I just can't find the Right Person: someone who always remembers to stay back after class & take the photo; someone who doesn't suffer from Shaky Hand Syndrome & someone who would rather take my photo than rush off to the next class.
Next, is Emma who is channelling Beach Goddess. Emma is the closest I've ever come to teaching A Saint. One time, I went into meltdown during a lesson when I noticed that the Gold Buckle on my YSL flats had come unstuck. Emma immediately rushed the shoe & Rogue Buckle up to The Art Dept. where she expertly glued it back on. But that's not the reason why she's a Saint.
Then there's Maddison, who, as a Peroxide Blonde has featured on this blog a number of times. She is brilliant & wonderful & always calm no matter what.
Then there's Me, Middleagedteacher, wearing a thrifted Kate Sylvester dress in a fabric that is trying to look like its Roughly Hewn Leather. I do like this dress, or rather I did before realising that it makes my boobs look like a couple of fried eggs with barbeque sauce poured over them. Perhaps I'm being a Little Harsh. But it's saturday nite & I'm totally boiling hot & I've got 'Billy Eliot' on pause & I'm up to the bit where Billy's Dad belts him up for taking ballet lessons & Billy calls him 'a bastard' I'm desperate to get back to it.
And I've got three more Stylish Girls to go.
Next is Ali who is Smart & Sassy & funny & out there & will end up running a PR Firm. Rarely, do I make predictions about anyone but I'm sure I'm right. Perhaps I'm becoming Psychic, although I don't want to look like one.
Then there's Bridget, who is channelling Urban Fairytale. Perhaps Gretal, or a Slightly Edgy Little Red Riding Hood without the Red & the Hood. She loved reminding me that when she was in Year 7 I told her, when no one wanted to sit next to her in class, that it appeared that she didn't have any friends. I am absolutely sure I never said that, but she never let me forget it anyway, particularly when she didn't have her homework done.
Lastly is Georgie, The Deluxe Dux. She completely creamed her HSC Exams, scoring a Premier's Award. She's just come back from overseas, so she's wearing Top Shop with Edgy Librarian's Shoes.
Thank God that's over. I hope I haven't left anybody out.

Three more snaps of me in the classroom this week.
I'm brandishing a lipstick instead of a whiteboard marker.
Thrifted linen & lace & pearl dress that would have looked good at a Suburban Cocktail Party in the early sixties where they served coloured pickle onions & french onion dip made with 'Continental' Soup Mix. I wonder if anyone remembers those soup sachets?
Perhaps not.
Also wearing a load of jewels from the 'Fruits de Mere' section of my Jewelry Collection. I'm wearing them to cover up the unsightly rust stains on the front of the dress, which I'm told are impossible to remove. I probably wouldn't be able to remove them anyway, even if you could, because I'm a Bad Laundress.

This outfit is really Midnite Blue but in the photo looks a strange shade of Perhaps Aubergine.
Ooooo...... talking of Strange, have just watched 'Fashion Police's' coverage of The Grammy's.
Finally, someone copied MY wearing of wings. It was Katy Perry, all done up in 'Armani Prive' complete with a pair of wings. Joan said that it was hard to tell whether it was Haute Couture or a Halloween Outfit. (In case you forgot, I wore black wings to my at-home birthday dinner last year. It's almost worth it for you to trawl through last March's blog entries to see it again)

Here I am yesterday at the Gates of Hell. I had just finished teaching Lady Macbeth's nasty little speech calling on the spirits to, 'Unsex me here' & pour poison down her hubby's ear. The girls were appalled. Not at me. At Lady Macbeth.
Now it's Back to Billy.

Barking Rather Than Tweeting

2011-02-15T22:38:00.001+11:00

Emotional Expungement.
Well, I managed to get through Valentine's Day without too much Resentment & Bitterness, two persistent emotions that I'm desperately trying to expunge from my v. limited Emotional Library.
But perhaps you read My Tweet on the topic. Not the bit about Emotional Expungement. But the bit about Valentines Day.
OH, what was I thinking when I signed up to Twitter on sunday nite after a Roast Chicken Dinner & couple of glasses of Crisp Chablis?
Blame it on Hunter, who, after I fed him & Tyler & AJ at our usual sunday nite dinner, sat next to me on the couch & walked me through my iPhone 4's Amazing App Store.
I was entranced. He suggested that I download Twitter. After all, it's free. And always The Follower, I agreed.
But after three Lame Tweets, I think I'm done.
I'm more of a Barker than a Tweeter.
And who the hell can say anything of any substance in just on 140 characters, unless of course, you are Oscar Wilde?
OMG, can you imagine Oscar Tweeting? I'm sure if he lived now, he would be King, or perhaps Queen of the Tweets.
I've been told that Some People tweet on the hour. How can they do it? Are their lives really so interesting & varied that they can update their Salivating Public that often?
Here's what I would say:
'Just walking into class. I wonder if the DVD will work today? Or maybe it's the Projector's turn not to work. Why O why am I always on a Knife's edge?'
One hour later:
'What a nightmare. Shame about the Projector. Lucky that nice young IT guy only took 35 minutes to fix it. Just enough time to screen the court Scene from 'To Kill a Mockingbird'. Hope girls didn't notice me crying when all the black people in the gallery stood up when Atticus walked out of the courtroom after he lost the case'.
Of course that's waaaay more than 140 characters. I'm just not Pithy Enough.

But maybe I'll have One More Tweet tomorrow.

Sadly, it's Time for Bed. I've spent far too long writing this in between watching 'Harry Potter & the Goblet of Fire' on a nasty Free to Air TV channel that is cho-'o-block full of ads. I must admit that Harry is one of my Almost Secret Inexplicable Pleasures along with Michael Buble & Tina Arena & Robbie Williams & a whole host of other Nameless Inexplicables.
Watch out for another post tomorrow, if you can be bothered. I've got much much more to say. I want to tell you about my new obsession for Moist Refrigerated Face Washers that I serve to guests after dinner & also include in my Insulated Lunch Pail so I can freshen up before class. Also, I will have been with Joan on The Red Carpet at the Grammys. So, there's Ooodles & Oodles.
Thank you El Jay & Darla & Rebecca & ReaderRita & Zizzi & Janavi & J.Sedai for your wonderful comments. I totally loved them. Sadly, El Jay, I have a v. strict rule about No Sewing. But thank you anyway.

Oh, BTW, the photo was of 'PoHo', the florist's shop close to my apartment building yesterday morning. I had to mince past it on my way down the hill to school.

Oh, & here's me yesterday in a 'Weekend Max Mara' shirt with a cute tie at the front & a v. tight skirt that created that Slightly Slutty look that I'm v. fond of. All, of course from 'BednobsEtc'.

Frugal February

2011-02-08T23:01:00.000+11:00

Hello, Dear Reader, & welcome to Frugal February.
Perhaps you didn't realise that it was Frugal February because I didn't tell you earlier.
I meant to tell you sooner but I was too Hot.
But now that you know, you can Start Straight Away.
I do recommend it.

Perhaps you are wondering How It Works. Never fear, I will enlighten you......

But before we get into the Nuts & Bolts, I must admit that Strictly Speaking I didn't make it up. No, other bloggers did & then I, as usual, Shamelessly Copied. That, by the way, is one of my Major Dictums in Life - Shamelessly Copy Whatever You Like & Then Make it Your Own.
I saw it on Lady Jane's Blog. Thank you, El Jay.
I did make my own title up, though.

Anyway, here's how Frugal February works: Don't buy anything.
Unless you really have to. Or if you absolutely have to buy something, buy it at the cheapest price you can find it for.
For example, look above at Me & Yesterday's Lunch in the Staff Lounge. Everything on the table, except for the cans of 'Diet Coke' which were generously donated by Trixie Drew, was brought from home. Moist Lasagne, salad with mashed avocados & chick peas & cottage cheese.
Note my new Insulated Lunch Pail. I saw one at the Supermarket & resisted the urge to buy it because I felt sure that I could find it cheaper at the Two Dollar Shop up the road.
I was right. Imagine my Squeals of Joy when I discovered it hiding under a pile of Larger Than Life flesh coloured plastic drink bottles in the shape of a Man's Private Parts. I am absolutely Not Joking. I would never joke about such a thing.
Can you imagine someone walking along the street whilst swilling from such a bottle? Or at the gym?
Or sitting up in My Classroom with one perched on the desk next to their Pencil Case?
In case you haven't been in a classroom occupied by teenagers for a while, let me inform you that No One enters them nowadays without a drink bottle. It's almost part of the uniform. It's like everyone is terrified that they're going to become Dangerously Dehydrated at any moment. The only time I ever drank water when I was a teenager was when I was swallowing an Aspirin.

Anyway, this is a perfect segue for me to bang on about Our Recent Heatwave.
Whilst Janavi & Rebecca & Darla & Zizzi felt like their toes were about to fall off up in the Northern Hemisphere, I nearly died from Overheating.

Here I am on saturday morning looking surprisingly cool in the park across the road.
It was all an act. In fact, I was already melting.
The temperature that day reached 41 degrees celsius.
At midnite, the temperature was 33 degrees celsius.
I know this because throughout the nite I kept feverishly checking the weather on my newly-acquired iPhone 4. So much so, that on monday morning I received a text message from Telstra, the phone carrier, to inform me that already I had used up 82% of my Internet Allowance for the month & I'd only had the phone for four days.
I was Shocked & Appalled. Now I can barely look at the phone.
In fact, I have Sent it to Coventry.
I bet it's been a while since you've heard that phrase.

Anyway, so much for Frugal February.

When things turn a little sour, I always think that it's Wise to Turn to Outfits. They Never Fail to Entertain.
Here I am above, on the first day of school for the year which was only a couple of weeks ago, but it feels like ages ago. I'm standing in the newly-refurbished dance studio which has a sprung dance floor. It was wisely installed by The Nuns almost a century ago, but steadfastly ignored until 'So You Think You Can Dance' made it necessary to introduce dancing into The Curriculum. Sadly, I won't be teaching it, although I do regularly rhumba through the rows of desks in my classroom.
You can tell by the showy pose that I'm Desperate to Dance.
In fact, I'm so desperate, that I'm going to go to Zumba Classes as soon as I can find a class in between After School Staff Meetings, twice-weekly therapy sessions, Boot Camp on thursdays after school & Body Balance twice a week at 'Fitness First'.
Note I'm dangling yet another Toy Louis Louis Handbag that I freshly thrifted from 'BednobsEtc' before 'Frugal February' officially started.
I'm not sure about Gladiatorial Sandals. They've been colonised by Backpackers.

In yesterday's picture, above, I had just shown an extract from Zefferilli's 'Romeo & Juliet' & was feeling rather miffed that I couldn't wear a sumptuously beaded & embroidered Renaissance outfit just like the ones that everyone in the film, except poor Juliet's Nurse, who was sadly swathed in what looked like white sheets, wore in the film. You can see that I have done a little portrait of her on the whiteboard.

Does anyone remember that Olivia Hussey was only fourteen when she starred as Juliet in the film? I remember taking a special interest at the time, because I was almost the same age as Olivia. I almost convinced myself that I could have played Juliet & may well have been picked for the role except that I had a chin full of pimples. This was the same fanciful part of me that was convinced that I looked v. like Hayley Mills & Twiggy all rolled into one.
I wonder what happened to Olivia? What an unfortunate name. Not her first name. Her last name. The nuns liked calling us 'Brazen Husseys' when we spoke back to them in class, which was rare.

This dress is getting The Toss.
It makes me look Far Too Lumpy. I've had it since before my daughter, Maeflower was born & she's just about to turn 23. In fact, I think that it's older than me. Like it's sixty.
It's almost worth double clicking on the image to get a close gander at the mess of white necklaces I'm wearing. I made them myself.
Now that's Frugal February.
Happy Not Spending.

Green Without Envy

2011-02-01T22:35:00.000+11:00

I'm Sweating to Death.
I wonder if that's possible?
Maybe not.
It's 30 degrees & it's past 10 pm.
Perhaps I should suck on some ice.

I'm writing in short sentences because that's all I can do right now.
Look above.
Yes, that's right. It's Not Me.
This morning, I walked out of my apartment building & this person was walking in front of me.
I rejoiced.
I quickly & quietly took out my camera.
And took only one shot.
Luckily, I wasn't suffering from Hand Shake.
Not that I normally do.

Here's the front of me.
I may not look like I'm sweating, but trust me I am.
Little rivulets of sweat are running down my back.
My toes squish together in plastic golden sandals from 'Target'.

Finally I had my hair cut.
It had been six months between hair cuts.
I just couldn't be bothered going to the hairdresser.
Of course I was informed that I was a mass of Split Ends.

In case you wondered, the masses of pearls & Toy Gold are not choking me.

Can you detect a Theme Emerging?
Yes, it's the Colour Green.
I'm Green Without Envy.
Again, I'm not choking on the masses of this time Plastic Green Necklaces.

Here are my Squishy toes.
I had them painted green.
I always insist they give me three coats.
That way the polish lasts longer.
That's my Little Tip.

Here's me straight after I went for the Six Monthly Haircut.
The hairdresser got out the GHD Straightener.
I think that's what it's called.

I must must stop before I Spontaneously Combust.

Sweating

2011-01-26T22:10:00.001+11:00

The Dragon Quest.
This afternoon Kevin, my wonderful Cleaner, informed me that in the part of China that he comes from, the temperature is currently -40 degrees celsius & that it is snowing in areas that haven't seen snow in human memory.
Meanwhile, I swelter in a range of Man Made fibres. I am soo hot that the tops of my legs are sticking to the crotcheted blankie that is covering my conservatively upholstered couch. And the laptop perched on my lap feels like a three bar radiator.
Usually, I am slow to sweat, but not tonite. Even the spaces between my toes feel all squishy. Ohhhhh...for a hint of breeze..... And what am I going to do when I hop into bed with only a small fan for comfort?
Maybe if I walk you through these last load of photos from my North Coast holiday I will forget my physical discomfort just for a few minutes. I doubt it.

Look look at the photo of what I believe is a water dragon that I snapped at the Poinsettia Cafe in Mullumbimby on the last day of my trip. I spent the whole holiday desperately trying to photograph a lone dragon that had been hanging around our house looking perhaps expectant & maybe a little bored, although I do find it tiresome when people ascribe human emotions to animals, particularly ones that look scarily like miniature dinosaurs. Anyway, the dragon had finally graciously appeared on the decking right outside the back door one afternoon & sensing my desire to photograph him, generously posed in the one position for a number of minutes. Sadly, I took soo long fiddling around with the camera that he got fed up & abruptly hopped off. Even though it was heavily raining, I fruitlessly spent the next hour scouring the surrounding bushland for a Dragon Sighting.
Imagine my delight when one turned up at the cafe! Talk about Synchronicity!

And then there was the Bike Bumper Sticker that said, 'Hypnotherapists do it in your sleep' that I snapped whilst visiting the beach at Byron Bay.
I have always wanted to be hypnotised & I'm sure I've tried it sometime over the past thirty years. But I can't remember where or when. All I can remember is that it didn't work.
Apparently, the world is divided into two types of people - those who make Suitable Candidates for Hypnosis & Those Who Don't. I'm in the last category perhaps because I'm far too jumpy & Hyper-Vigilant which is currently one of my favourite words.
Oh, by the way, I go back to School tomorrow after a seven week holiday. I know I'll like it when I get there, but right now I'm almost but not quite, dreading the thought.

So, not only am I almost drowning in a Sea of Sweat, I'm now dreading tomorrow. And..... the annoying Fragrant Male Flight Attendant Neighbour upstairs has just started belting out on his grand piano his famous rendition of 'Memories', you know, from 'Cats', which appears to be the only song in his repertoire. So much for distracting myself. I'm literally in Hell.
But look at me anyway on the beach, wearing a jaunty striped top that I think has v. strong French Overtones. Maybe this top is called (or would be called if it was Authentically French), a Maillot. But I could be imagining that.

Trying Too Hard.
No trip anywhere would be complete without a visit to a Vintage Clothing Store, although I'd always much rather go to a Musty Charity Shoppe. This one was in Mullumbimby, which by the way is a kind of hip hippie place, or rather it was about thirty years ago, although I did notice a large poster in the cafe advertising an upcoming performance by Martha Wainwright. People are obsessed with her & her brother Rufus. I'm certainly not. I'm still listening to Petula Clark singing 'Colour My World'.
Oh, now is time for a Perfect Segue into what I've been listening to on my iPod. I'm sure you're desperate to know.
1. Roy Orbison's 'She's a Mystery to Me'. I like to think that this was the last song he recorded. Do yourself a favour & listen to it. Talk about haunting, although I do hope that Roy isn't haunting me. That would be Too Creepy, particularly as I wasn't such a great fan.
2. Billy Preston singing 'My Sweet Lord' at the 'Concert for George' in 2002. That's got to be one of my favourite songs. I had it as a single at the end of 1970 & I obsessively played it which is what I'm doing now with Billy's version. Who cares if George stole the melody from 'She's So Fine'?
3. 'Sexual Healing' by Marvin Gaye. Talk about tragic.
4. 'You Are Everything', Marvin Gaye in a duet with Diana Ross. Talk about Cheesy. But I love it. Almost as much as I love Diana singing 'Endless Love' with Lionel Ritchie.
5. 'Woman' by Neneh Cherry. What a talent.
Anyway, in case you were wondering, I didn't buy those Over-the-knee red boots. They remind me of Puss in Boots, which is never a desirable look for a Middleagedteacher. And I also think that Over-TK Boots scream Trying Too Hard.
Here's AJ below, also in the Vintage Shoppe. She certainly wasn't tempted by the floral top. She's far too Cool which is something that I'm Not right now.

A North Coast Summer Holiday Sartorial Challenge

2011-01-19T12:56:00.000+11:00

Look look above, Dear Reader. You might notice that it isn't me.
That's right, it's not. It's AJ, my friend who is with me on what you will see is a V. Challenging Beach Holiday Sartorial Journey.
I've discovered that it's far far easier to dress for My Normal Life where I see soo little of the sun that the doctor has recently told me that I'm suffering from an ever-so-slight Vitamin D deficiency. Apparently it's not that uncommon. My friend Marge was also informed of her lack of Vitamin D even though she swam regularly every day in her kidney shaped pool under the Californian Sun.
Anyway, AJ is shooting for a kind of Cowgirl Look in the photo above, although I loathe the term 'cowgirl' but am struggling to come up with an alternative.
Cowmistress perhaps?

There is a certain 'Cowmistess' quality to my post-swim outfit at Wategos Beach near Byron Bay. Or maybe I was unconsciously channelling 'Senior Rock Chick' because Keith Richards from The Rolling Stones has stayed at at Wategos.
AJ mentioned that the hat that I bought at a local pharmacy for five bucks because it was slightly damaged, gave out a Hint of Cougar. I was horrified, but still continued to wear it because it stays on so beautifully & protects my face from getting any more Age Warts.
Note I'm wearing a sarong that I bought last year in Seminyak at Bali for seven bucks. It has been indispensable & I totally recommend getting one for Serious Sun Situations. Note also the Non-Gypsy Hoops that I persist in wearing. I have convinced myself that they Spell Holidays.

Here's me about to drink a World Class Quality Latte at the holiday town of Brunswick Heads, a place a few years ago that would have never heard of the word 'latte' or would have thought that 'short black' meant something Entirely Different. It seems everywhere I go everyone is drinking lattes.
You can see that I'm still wearing jewels. These ones were all bought at 'Forever 21' on my recent trip to California. I thought that the rather Queen-like three stranded pearls featuring a diamante clasp fitted in beautifully with the 'Keep Calm & Carry One' message which has a crown in it.
BTW, I usally eschew The Message on a Tee Shirt, although I do delight in wearing clothes with high-end designer's names emblazoned all over them. And I know that 'Keep Calm Etc' has been done to death. It's on everything. But I still like it. So stuff it, I'm wearing it.

Here's the total look. What a shame that the ancient Paper Bark Tree (I had typed Paperback Tree which I much prefer, but I deleted it because I'm a Stickler for Accuracy) that I'm leaning against has graffiti.
The skirt was purchased for five bucks at 'Supre' Byron Bay on saturday. I was soo excited when I saw the 'Everything $5' sign that I neglected to look at the size. When I got home, I discovered that the waist was almost big enough for a Barbie Doll to squeeze into. Luckily it was elasticised, so I just cut through it on either side & put it on.

It was soo lucky that I also bought this Tee Shirt with a Message at 'Supre' because it fits in beautifully with the Peace Love & Fluro Colours style at the Byron Bay markets that we attended on sunday.
I feel a little like a Senior Lady Di in that famous pre-engagement photo of her with the see-through skirt at the Kindergarten job she had before she became a princess.

Absolutely Nothing tempted me to buy at the markets, although one stall had a range of Left Handed Spoons.
Did I ever tell you that I'm Severely Left-Handed?

I found this Helpful & Easy to Use Book at a local cafe. All you do is think of a Life Question & then open the book on a random page & it will give you an answer.
It told me to 'Make it Up as You Go Along' which is exactly what I've been doing.
What an oracle!

This is Me & AJ in the background in Sale Mode. She bought the 'Hollywood' tee shirt that I am admiring because it featured a reference to The Roosevelt Hotel that I had photographed on my recent trip. I think she fancied herself staying there on her next trip.
Note how even inside a shop I'm wearing that sarong, this time as a scarf. I promise that as soon as I get home it will go Back to the Back of the Cupboard until next Summer Holiday.
Oh, I failed to mention that my air ticket was soo cheap that I could only take cabin baggage which suits me down to the ground for two reasons:
1. It presents a Wardrobe & Packing Challenge that slightly thrills me;
2. It cuts out that nail-bitingly awful time spent expectantly waiting at the Baggage Carousel for your bag to appear. I've never gotten over the time that long long ago my bags & those of Mr Ex-Middleaged & daughter Maeflower & step sons Tim & Tyler were lost at Heathrow Airport & we had to survive for weeks in the US with what felt like nothing.

Lastly, AJ in cut-offs shopping Bangalow. She sensibly bought them because she could easily wade in the surf without getting them wet.

Resolutions That I Already Do Again

2011-01-16T10:46:00.000+11:00

This is going to be a More Than Usually Workmanlike Post. A No Frills Post. No attempt at Lame Jokes or Musings on Life & TV Shows. No reference to 'Fashion Police' although I've been watching a lot of Beach Wear or Holiday Wear or perhaps dare I say, Resort Wear.
Just The Facts.
So here I am dressed for the beach.
Some may consider black not a beach colour.
But I think that it makes a perfect contrast with the sand. And I do love a contrast.
And I do love going to the beach although you'd never know it.
There are many beaches to choose from up here at Ocean Shores near Byron Bay which is about 800 kilometres from Sydney.
Of course , the problem with Beach Going is how to avoid getting Any Sun Whatsoever on Any Body Part. My friends Lizzie & AJ & I spend large amounts of time at the beach liberally applying SPF30 Sunblock & then draping ourselves with clothing & hats. Yesterday, I spent so much time applying sunblock & positioning my rather Cougar-like Cowgirl Hat on my head that I hardly had any time for a swim before it was time to get back in the car & head for home to wash all the sand & the salt off.
But I have managed to do some Soft Sand Running along the beach because one of my New Year's Resolutions That I Already Do is to exercise. In fact I need to increase my aerobic fitness which is a little low at present.

This is a Perfect Segue to move into my Next v. brief topic, The Made Bed, which is another one of my Resolutions that I Already Do.
I took the picture of my Freshly Made Bed before I left for Ocean Shores.
Let me briefly walk you through it.
The bedspread is an old Indian patchwork thing that I bought last year for fifty bucks at 'BednobsETc' They occasionally have household items as well as clothes. I snapped it up because it reminded me of my youth where people had their Shared Households swathed in that sort of thing. I longed to do so but never quite made it. The most I had was a v. depressing poster of a Gustav Klimt painting which showed the Four Stages of Women, from Birth to Old Age with the most prominent image being a Sunken-Chested Old Crone. What was I thinking?
2. Two large Pillows. A nightmare to sleep on. That's why they're Ornamental. They are wearing, also from 'BednobsEtc' pearl-encrusted embossed pillowcases that I have never washed which is Hardly Surprising for Me.
3. Embroidered pillowcases perhaps from 'BedBathEtc' in Bondi Westfield. They feature birds which create a v. chirpy feel to the bedroom
4. A dusky pink satin coverlet from 'BednobsEtc' which sadly has what appears to be an unfortunate cigarette burn on it. It creates a Slightly Sleazy feel to the bedroom.
5. A papier mache Mexican doll that I bought many years ago from Olvera Street in LA. I have many of these dolls. Next to it is Piglet from 'Winnie the Pooh'. They create a Comforting Feel to the bedroom, particularly Piglet. The paper mache doll not so much. It feels a little hard.
Back to the Beach.

A Barnacle Clinging to An Old Boat.

2011-01-12T22:49:00.000+11:00

A Gentle Stroll Through My Holiday Wardrobe.
But before we do that, I must register my ever so slight irritation that I seem unable to delete that v. annoying Letter 'H' that is perched right up against my first photo. Let's just say that 'H' is for 'Holiday' & not 'Harridan'. Or 'Hirsute'.
Have I ever told you that I despise Facial Hair of any Kind on a Man?
I particularly loathe 'Movember' which I'm sure is a loathsome World Wide Phenomenon. And I blame it for what I observe is a resurgence of the Handlebar Moustache & perhaps even the Moustacheless Beard, which wins my vote every time as The Nastiest Facial Hair Mistake of Them All.
Oh, for God's sake, I'm supposed to be walking you through my Holiday Outfits, not releasing a torrent of pent up hatred against Moustaches. Speaking of which, I read today in a magazine in the waiting room at the Doctor's Office, that Madonna's daughter, Lourdes aged 13, currently spends $2000 a month on waxing & expensive beauty products. By the look of the 'Before' photo which accompanied the article, Poor Lulu, as she's affectionately called, was really in danger of winning the Junior Frida Kahlo Facial Hair Look Alike Contest before she discovered Waxing. What a Godsend.
OK, let's Finally Start. I'm sure you're getting Quite Antsy.
All the clothes have been thrifted.
Most of them I've bought over the Summer Holiday.
Not all of them work.
I beg you to double click on the images to get a larger look. The Devil's in the Detail.

I bought the black frilly dress yesterday at 'BednobsEtc', my favourite shop in the whole world. It was ten bucks. I am going to wear it tomorrow when I hop on a plane up to the North Coast for a week's holiday. Am feeling slightly guilty that I'm gaily off holidaying when soo many people have lost their lives or their loved ones or their homes or their town or suburb due to the flooding these last couple of days.
Note: 1. The wearing of thongs, or flip-flops, my absolute favourite Holiday Shoe, although a thong is not technically a shoe.
2. I'm ever so slightly tanned on the lower legs from liberal lashings of 'Dove' self-tanning lotion for people with Pasty Skin.
3. I'm wearing a set of matronly pearls with a pink plastic pendant in the shape of scissors, my almost favourite Summer Accessory.
4. My second favourite Summer Accessory are the large hoops, which I purchased at 'Forever 21' on my recent trip to California.

Have I already said that everything is thrifted? I'm desperate not , I repeat, Not to Repeat Myself.
I love this little Slip O'er a Dress, even though the elasticised waist rides up a bit & also cuts into my middle.
Note: 1. The two aqua necklaces that I recently purchased at 'Anthropologie' in Santa Monica. I do love how they almost clash with the magenta in the dress.
2. I'm wearing matching black sweat bands, such an easy & effortless way of combining Sport into Everyday Outfits. I could be a Tennis Player, something I've always longed to be but couldn't because I could never hit the ball over the net.

A close up of my two Wild Animals bangles that I bought for seven bucks from a shop called 'Lovisa' in Bondi Westfield. I've convinced myself that they're faithful reproductions of Kenneth Jay Lane's costume jewels that sell for thousands. Or maybe hundreds.

I was totally thrilled to find this brand new with the tags still on it, Jean Paul Gaultier for Target nylon dress in the style of a fifties housecoat at The Salvation Army Depot in Thousand Oaks. Fancy Jean Paul Gaultier designing for 'Target'?

This is a Slightly Matronly Waspy look that I'm not too sure about. I bought the dress last week from 'BednobsEtc'. They had been closed for the holidays & didn't open until January 5. By that time I had almost gone into Renal Failure. So as soon as it opened, I had to rush in there & buy the first thing that I clapped my eyes on. Of course, I'm always attracted to Navy. It's soo Patrician. But it's a little frilly & a little bunched in at the waist. And it's perhaps something that Maria Von Trapp might have worn. No offence to Maria, but she was hardly a style icon, was she? Not that I am or anything.

Here's another look that I'm not too sure about.
Pourquoi?
1. Double Doses of green scream St Patrick's Day & it's only January.
2. Large polka dots aren't really that flattering, even though the top is a genuine 'Paul Smith' tee shirt that I got for five bucks at 'BednobsEtc'. I'm such a slave to The Label.

Here's yet another outfit that I'm not too sure about for really obvious reasons. But, I just love the Freedom that Rampant Pattern Mixing creates.
Note: 1. Still wearing thongs.
2. Still wearing sweat bands.

Talking of Sweating, here I am today just after a gruelling session with Miss Jay boxing & running & panting & lunging.
In fact, Miss Jay was the reason why I was sitting in the Doctor's Waiting Room this morning. Previously, she had expressed alarm at what she thought was a Suspicious Mole growing on my shoulder. I had visions of prematurely dying from melanoma so went straight off to Dr Jeremy Smith of Macleay Street Medical Practice. He looked at it under a light & then began picking at it.
Is that what you should do with Life-Threatening Moles, I inquired.
It's not Life-threatening. It's called a Seborrheic Wart which roughly translates as a 'Barnacle Clinging to an old boat'. It's a sign of age.
What a relief.

Note: 1. I'm only wearing one Running Shoe. I totally loathe these type of shoes. They never look good on anyone, under any circumstances, particularly when worn with a business suit.
I am going away tomorrow to a place without any internet access. For a week. Perhaps I could find an Internettle Cafe.